Blue Eyes // Nate Parker

34|| The only thing you haven't tried.

So live life like your giving up

Cause you act you are.

So go ahead and just live it up

Go on go and tear apart.

It's alright to shake, even my hand does sometimes.

So inside the rage, inside the dying of the light

It's alright to says, that deaths the only thing you haven't tried.

But just for tonight, hold on.

So live life like you giving up,

He held onto my hand tighter, squeezing it.

Cause you act like you are.

Go ahead and just live it up.

Go on go and tear me apart, and hold on

He started to loosen his grip slightly.

I sang it softer this time, deciding to just sing it until I knew he was asleep.

So live life like your giving up.

Cause you act like you are

Go ahead and just live it up

Go on go and tear me apart.

I let on tear roll down my cheek as his grip almost loosened fully, letting go.

He had his hand wrapped around my thumb almost.

I decided, to finish it in the only way that seemed fitting to me, even if it wasn't part of the song.

I took in a deep breath, my voice now shaky, I couldn't see properly because of the tears in my eyes.

It's alright to die.

Even my dad will sometime.

I sang, biting my lip at the end, looking down at our hands, he had his hand wrapped around my thumb.

When I was a baby, everyone would laugh because my cot was next to my dads side of the bed and, I would always reach out and hold onto his thumb with my baby fingers.

And now he was doing the same thing to me, taking what we presumed were his final breaths.

It seemed so right but so wrong.

Right, that I would end this way.

Wrong, that I hadn't seen him before this.

We all sat and stood there in silence for a minute, it was all quiet except for the steady beat of his heart monitor.

I had hope for a second, that he would wake up.

But I began to realise as I listened to it further it was slowing down.

And all too soon, the heart monitor made the dead line sound, his hand, letting go of my thumb and his body going limp.

I took in a short deep breath, as everything stopped for a moment.

No.

I could either go crazy screaming and crying in this room.

Or handle this like he would and stay strong, mourn over him by doing what he would've wanted me to do most.

Be strong.

I wasn't saying not to cry about him.

Just not right now.

I wouldn't be weak, I would honour him and do the same as he would do.

As he would want.

I stood there listening to it for a moment, slipping my hand away from his side.

I turned around and opened the hospital door, calling the nearest doctor.

I stayed calm for the next two hours, sitting in the doctors waiting to be allowed to go, I cried then.

I told myself to cry now, then when I left here I would get on with it.?

I could miss him all I want, feel sadness.

But just like he had asked me not to, let his and my mums break up pause and take over my life and stop me being me.

I wasn't going to let this stop me being me,

I felt sad about the divorce every now and again.

I would feel sad about him every now and again.

But I was a fighter and, I would carry on no matter what.

Just as he would want me to.

Because I loved him and he loved me.

So I would honour him the only way I knew.

By staying strong.

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Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.

It was really sad to write,

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