Letters For Tessie

Letter 11

“Congratulations on graduating, Tyler.”

“Don’t be silly, auntie. It’s still due for tomorrow.”

“Well, don’t mind me. I’m just glad my sister made you turn out into a fine young man.”

As we arrive that night, my dad was already asleep, it was my grandmother who opened the door for us. A teary reunion between my aunt and grandmother soon followed, hugging each other as we all went inside. Even if it’s March already, the cold winds still blow around here in these parts. I retired that night, trying to catch some rest as the big day is tomorrow.

Around 3 in the morning, I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, which was across my room and was beside my grandmother’s room. Just before I open the bathroom door, I can still see my grandmother’s room still lit up and coming from inside, there were distant murmurs echoing.

“Can’t I come with you?”

“You can. It’ll just take a little while. I’ll take care of your papers so you can travel with me.”

“Can Tyler come with us?”

“Ma, I want to help him too. He’s my sister’s son and my only nephew, but, I don’t want to force him into things he doesn’t want. It’ll be up to him what he wants in life. I’m just there if he needs me, so he can just come talk to me.”

I slept that night, thinking once more about what I want. My family will be broken not just with our bonds, but physically as well; I lost my chance for love, and along with it I lost my will to hope for better things. I only had my aunt and a handful of friends whom I can depend on.

The second I woke up that same day, it was already there: graduation day. My Aunt Vinny bought me a new suit just for the occasion as well as one of my graduation gifts she had for me. It was a nice suit, I cannot even describe how good it is but ‘nice’ was just one of the things I can say it was. As we were going to my school, I look down the road I would usually commute by and thought to myself:

“This might be the last time I’ll be seeing these roads.”

It might sound sentimental, coming from me but with all the changes happening around me, even the smallest things that changes affect me in some way. Especially now, I will be going out of high school and will either step into two new worlds: being a college student or a working individual. Either way, those are the only things I’ve been giving some thought about.

As I arrive at the school grounds, my dad dropped us off at the front gate.

“I’ll just park this, you go on ahead.” My aunt, grandmother and I did so, walking inside the gates and soon making our way towards the auditorium.

A think crowd of people starts to accumulate as we get closer to the auditorium. The chairs arranged in the auditorium was arranged alphabetically, with the graduating batch surnames attached at the back of each pair of chairs. We were allowed a maximum of 2 visitors and 1 parent to come inside with us. Taking my aunt and grandmother to their seats, I soon went back in front of the auditorium to wait for my dad.

From a distance, I could see Carlos and Earlene along with their parents. I was about to go towards them, but something stopped me from doing so. Along with me stopping, it made me think that this might be the last time I’ll be seeing them in my class. We three will have our own lives now and just the thought alone made me feel lonely. But, again, this should be a moment I should remember.

The graduation ceremony soon start, and after a few words from both our class valedictorian and our principal, the awarding of our diploma was at hand. We would go up in front of the stage alongside our parents and receive our hard earned diploma. . The moment we step up that stage, we step up into the steps of our adulthood. Many responsibilities await us there, and so are the challenges and trials that come along with it. A few more names and it’ll soon be my name being called.

“Machalloway, Tyler.”

As I make my way towards the stage, I soon heard my dad whisper to me, “I’m proud of you.”

It was awkward since he picked now of all the times in saying that. A child’s success is a parent’s pride, and right now, I am a pride my dad is openly showing.

“Mapletree, Earlene.”

Earlene and her teary eyed mother went up the stage and looked in front of everyone. Earlene’s dad was down the stage, taking a good photo of her daughter, now a high school graduate.

“Pendelton, Carlos.”

Carlos’ mother was the one accompanying him, although I could not see where his dad was, I did see his sisters were the ones taking pictures of them. I’ve met most of his siblings and parents from all the times I’ve spent the night on their house. The same could be said with Carlos as he stayed over ours.

After all of the names of the graduates have been said, it was finally over. The 4 long years of high school is not but a fleeting memory full of experiences. It had been a smooth ride, so to say, when it came to school related activities. But this year was a turning point in my life. A lot has happened, I’ve lost myself a couple of times, giving into despair, clinging back into hope only to give it up back again.

Having thought about it, it was Wendy’s birthday today. It’s funny, I have been trying to forget about her for weeks now, but remembering her happens once in a while and I can’t help but feel my loneliness resurface. Was I still hoping that I can get back with her?

It’s a man’s nature to hope, but it’s also his nature to give up when he finds things futile. Why can’t I just give up on her, Tessie? Why can’t I just give up the things that I really cherish the most even when I find what I’m doing unproductive and a waste of effort?

I wish you were here, Tessie. I really need my best friend right now.

Love, Tyler