Luscious Leed: The Jersey Devil

Luscious Leed

     Hello, I am Luscious Leed. Most of you know me as the infamous Jersey Devil. However, I'm not as bad as you think.

    Sure, I am the spawn of Satan and I do enjoy human flesh, but this was how I was born. Like the natural predator that I am, I eat meat. I can't help being me. Trust me, I tried.

    My mother, Debora Leed, was so tired of giving birth to children ( I was number 13), that she cursed me. I was born a normal baby boy, but I quickly morphed into the monstrosity that I am today.

    And let me tell you, when I saw myself for the first time, I was pissed. Why couldn't I be normal like the twelve before me? So naturally, I ate my mom, and my brothers and sisters, and anyone else I could find in the house. I just couldn't stop! You humans just taste so good.

    When I couldn't find another soul, I escaped through the chimney. I certainly didn't need the police on my trail after that small genocide. What a better place to hide then the pine barrens of New Jersey? It was basically my backyard. Occasionally, I would come across hunters and campers.

    After almost 200 years of being alone in a desolate forest, I decided to explore human towns and civilization. I snuck into a clothing store and found a comfortable sweater. As I walked out, I was stopped by a worker.

    "Excuse me sir, you forgot your change." I gave her a puzzled look and excepted the currency with my taloned hands.

    "Don't you notice anything weird about me?" I asked and looked at her name tag. "Martha?"

    "We're in the pine barrens. Weird people come and go. I don't judge." She replied bluntly.

    "Oh. Uh, well, thanks?" I bleated.

    That was day one in my transition into your human civilization. It was rough at first, as you could probably imagine. I got a job and bought myself a small cabin on the outskirts of town. Despite its size, I was happy. I built a few garden boxes and grew vegetables. You may be wondering why the Jersey Devil is interested in gardening? Well, I can't exactly blend in if I'm eating people, so I've gone vegetarian.

    And my name is Luscious Leed. I don't go introducing myself as the Jersey Devil. It didn't exactly get me many friends. In fact, I had to skip that town.

    One day when I got home from work, one of my old friends was waiting on my doorstep. I hadn't seen them in about ten years. That was most likely a good thing. I tried to leave my old life behind, but it always seems to catch up with me.

    "WELL IF IT ISN'T THE PRINCE OF HELL! LONG TIME NO SEE!"

    "Hello, Galia. It's been a while because I want to be normal, without demons and other hell spawns."

    "OH LÜCY, YOÜ SHOÜLD KNOW YOÜ CAN NEVER BE NORMAL. EATING YOÜR SPITEFÜL PARENTS WILL NEVER MAKE YOÜ NORMAL."

    "Please don't call me Lucy." I sigh and roll my eyes. "Why are you here?"

    "ALWAYS GETTIN' DOWN TO BÜSSINES, HÜH?" She giggled and rolled on the floor hysterically. Classic Galia. Always rubbing something in somebody's face or relentlessly telling them their personal problems. She unnervingly enjoys the pain and suffering of others. I'm not sure why were ever friends. Maybe it was because we are both abominable hell spawns. "I CAME HERE TO WARN YOÜ. HÜNTERS ARE SEARCHING FOR A MR. JERSEY DEVIL."

    "Oh, not hunters!"

    "OH YES, HÜNTERS! YOÜ BETTER BE PREPARED!" Another car pulled into my driveway. They parked behind a bush, but nobody came out. "WELP! LOOKS LIKE A GOTTA LEAVE! BÜH-BYE, LÜCY!"

    Her non-corporeal form melted into the ground as she returned to Hell. "OOOOOWH!! IM A DEMON-GHOST!"

    I disappeared into the house when I heard car doors slam shut. Apparently, these hunters weren't very stealthy. That or they were just over confident. I quietly took a knife from the utensil drawer and pulled out a cutting board. Next, I went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of tomatoes.

    Before I could cut through the first red orb, there was a knock on the door. I hesitated and put the knife on the counter. Another, heavier knock. "I'm coming!" I almost forgot to stand up on my hind legs.

    Twisting the knob, I opened the door and faced two well dressed men. The first one, with thick blonde hair, asked, "Excuse me, but do you have time to talk about our Lord and Creator?"

    "What?"

    "No of course it wouldn't! That's a sinner!" The second, a shorter, blue haired man shouted and pointed at me. I turned my head and pointed to my furry chest.

    "Who me? No, I'm human. My name is Luscious Leed."

    "I don't believe him, Helian. He looks suspicious."

    "Quiet, Bellis, you're making us look bad." They turned back to me. "So, yea. The Creator, or whatever."

    "May we come in?"

    "Um, sure? Would you like some tomato slices? They're my personal favorite." I led them inside and they sat at the kitchen counter on the bar stools I kept. I picked the knife back up and sliced through the the first tomato. The slices were placed on a small plate and pushed in front of the strangers. Unwillingly, the shorter man grabbed a piece. I smiled inwardly, but was unhappy when I noticed that the blonde didn't take one.

    Suddenly, the other slammed his head into the table and ceased any further movement. The tall one jumped up and tapped his partner. "Bellis? Bellis! Wake up, Bellis." He shouted frantically. "What did you do to my partner?"

    "Well, you see Mr. Hunter, I like my vegetables full of some good old arsenic. I think they taste better that way. I guess not to a human."

    "What do you mean? We came here to spread the word of the Creator!"

    "Nice cover, but you can't fool me."

    He mad a quick glance at the knife and swiped it off the counter. Helian stood back and held it defensively. "Stay away from me you monster!"

    Monster? I am not monster! I was human once, even if very briefly. I civilized myself so that I could be part of a community, yet here I am being called a monster again.

    I snapped. My slitted eyes dilated and I stood back on all fours. The man whimpered in fear and walked backwards away from me.

    "I AM NOT A MONSTER FOOLISH HUMAN!" I approached him, stalking him like the predatory creature that I truly am. He countered and lunged at me. The knife he held plunged into  my chest causing me to howl in pain. I ripped the thing out and slammed it onto the floor. I turned and donkey kicked him near his heart. Cracking of bones could be heard as he fell on the floor.

    He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "You broke my ribs. I can't breath." I left him there, flopping around and gasping like a fish out of water until I knew he was dead.

    Once my rage passed, I realized what I had done. The police were sure to find out. They would find out what I am or put me in jail. That's a fate worse than being alone.  I didn't know what to do with the bodies until a diabolical plan formulated in my goat brain. I had to eat them. That was the only way to get rid of the evidence fully. My jaws unhinged like a snake and I swallowed them both whole. The taste of human flesh excited my taste buds. It had been so long! My bottomless stomach yearned for more! I didn't care anymore! Skew human society! What does it matter when you taste so delicious? Solitude in the pine barrens was an easy price to pay, so I left my house and my garden and flew back into my real home. You can find me here today, however, you won't get the chance to tell the story.

    I take back what I said earlier. I am worse than you think.