Fanboys' Guide to the Goddess' Heart

Kris! Happy Birthday!

The defeated expression in the giant's face was both hilarious and heartbreaking. Dara noona's fanboys were no joke, after all. Chanyeol knew the consequences of liking someone like her—the sleepless nights, the pining-after-a-girl-who-doesn't-even-know-you part, and the competition part. Usually the competition part makes the chase much more exciting. But they're talking about Park Hae Jin here! Kim Jaejoong! And G-Dragon sunbaenim! And the whole Super Junior and SHINee sunbaes!

Lay sat down heavily on Kris' bed and rubbed his temples.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow and was blunt as ever. "You look like Suho hyung, Lay-ge."

Xiumin watched Lay throw a nasty glare at the grinning Baekhyun. He wanted to pity the poor unicorn but he was mostly relieved. Everyone was a pain in the butt when they're having a "Dara noona" moment.

That doesn't mean that he's not a fanboy—he's just smart enough not to look stupid when he's in fanboy mode.

Their meeting with Super Junior sunbaes and Seungri sunbae ended with what Xiumin would loosely classify as "a subtle, vitriolic parting of mortal enemies".

Well, Seungri sunbae was so clueless and slow that the baozi was certain the BigBang member was desensitized from all the glares he was getting when he told the story of how he got his Dara noona to agree to them paying the rent to an available condominium unit within their building for a month.

"—And you know the funny part? I was the one who convinced her to stay with us because she'll be so lonely in their apartment! Jiyong hyung was so happy he made us breakfast every day of the month!"

Kyungsoo pulverized his taco shell. Just breakfast? He'd cook a feast fit for a king if he'd get the chance to be neighbors with his noona for a month!

Xiumin saw the early signs of transformation of 'Satansoo' and kicked the owl's shin none too gently. The others were too fixated with the story, half-envious and half-intrigued. The funniest reactions were from their sunbaes—who knew that Heechul hyung's face could contort like that whenever Seungri sunbae opens his mouth.

Baekhyun stood up from the bed, avoiding the flying projectile from a stressed-out Lay. From the fateful meeting in the supermarket, their bonding moment with their frenemy number four, and the subtle manipulation of one of the biggest idol gossips he'd ever met, he was cursing the roller-coaster of emotions in his head. And he had the right to sulk, brood, strangle a certain giant with a shoelace—but he couldn't muster a frown.

He did it. He got his Dara noona to come to the party.

Okay, so it was Kris hyung's birthday party, but he still had the bragging rights of getting the chance to invite her to a party for the first time. After Seungri hyung left the restaurant with a grin and a "Call us the details and we'll be there!" the group descended into a tightly coiled atmosphere.

Their sunbaes were stoic but the intensity of the glares thrown upon EXO's Eyeliner Prince made it evident to the wolves that they're facing another pack of aggressive fanboys. Normally, they'd face the threat with hackles rising but Super Junior is of a slightly different kind and caliber. SM Entertainment's princes, they were dubbed. Slicing them in half with the butter knives on the table and reasoning out that they were going to join a knife-throwing tournament before their next comeback would earn them more problems than solutions.

Oddly, Kangin sunbae and Shindong sunbae literally had to drag their members away from the table, leaving Donghae hyung smiling guiltily at the wary EXO members.