Santa Carla Chronicles

All Hail Presidente Paul

...Who strode into the room in a dusty top hat he'd found in one of the back caves and a sash with "El Presidente" clearly scrawled on it in crayon (which he'd also found in one of the back caves.)

"Oh holy hell." David crushed his face into his gloved hands. Marko snickered. Dwayne elbowed Marko. Paul kept his chin raised and strode over to David, who was still not looking.

"Can we do the swearing in?"

"No."

Paul pouted. "Why not?!"

"There is no swearing in! You're not an elected official! You won on a crooked dice game!" David shot glares at Dwayne and Marko. "I heard that bit about the dice, morons!" Marko and Dwayne looked with sudden and intent interest at the dust particles floating in the firelight.

"You're still letting me do this?" Paul furrowed his brow, studying David carefully.

"Will you throw a fit if I don't?"

"Yes."

"Then there's your answer." David rolled his eyes and tried to smooth out the now-crumpled ball of paper in his fist. "All right, here are the ground rules. You are leader in name only; anything that would be a drastic change or decision still falls under my watch. This means in no way can you force any of us to do something moronic, like get pack tattoos or shave our heads or go on a killing spree. Anything that could harm us or get us killed is out. You've only got this job until sun up. Got it?"

Paul nodded. "That it?"

"Yeah."

Paul smiled. "And if there was a decision that needed to be made by the pack? Like voting on dinner or where we go?"

David sighed. "That's not a major decision. A major decision would be, say, pack tattoos. Which, NO, we are NOT getting tattoos"

Paul nodded again. "All right. Agreed, then."

"You're not gonna make me shake hands again, are you?" David eyed Paul suspiciously.

"Nope," Paul smiled broadly at David. David shuddered.

"I'm going to regret-"

"First vote of the night!" Paul shouted. "I vote we make David the grunt!"

"Seconded!" Dwayne shouted.

"Aye!" Marko howled.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" David roared.

"Motion carried! David is our grunt for the night!" Paul patted David's shoulder, removing his hand just in time. "Let's all go to the Boardwalk, boys!"

Paul ditched the top hat and sash, heading up topside to their bikes. Wisely, Marko and Dwayne cut a wide swath around David and followed, snickering softly. David sighed, alone in the Cave.

"I'm going to kill him."

***

"Oh, grunt!" Paul called, mouth full of greasy cheese pizza. He shook his empty soda cup, which rattled with the ice. "I need more bev-er-age!"

David sat on the bench seat, staring intently at the back of the head of the balding guy in the next booth. Paul leaned over and rattled his cup full of ice in David's face.

"I said, I need more soda!"

"Get it yourself, jackass." David snarled under his breath, not moving.

"As Presidente for the day, we made a formal vote and you-" Before Paul could finish, the cup was snatched from his hand, David headed off to the pour your own soda dispenser. Returning, he slammed the now-full cup down in front of Paul, causing it to slosh on the straws-and-napkin teepee Marko was building for his own amusement.