Hate Is a Battlefield, Love Is the War

A World Of Change

*Trigger warning: self-harm mentioned but not detailed*

"Follow me," the nurse said after we talked for about ten minutes.

"Don't tell anyone I did this because I might get in trouble, but-" She said after leading me to the staff lounge.

"It's okay, I can just figure out something else," I blushed, interrupting.

"Unless I have it wrong, I assume you're staying. I don't want to force you to try and sleep in the hectic waiting room, so you can crash here. I think you should call someone and just let them know where you are." She said, turning away as another nurse whispered something to her.

"Thank you-" I breathed, sitting down on the couch. "-But he would not care if I went missing, my dad." I explained, though she was barely listening as her face darkened with each word the other nurse said to her.

"The CT came back. He has a massive brain bleed, skull fractures, rib fractures, and ankle fractures. I'm so sorry... I have to go, Nurse Bob will get you some blankets. He's cool with you being here, so dont worry." She hurriedly spoke, then left. It took only two seconds of silence until I curled in a ball and started crying. I felt the blankets being put next to me as hot rageful tears streamed down my face. I grabbed one and slammed my head against the couch. My chest was tight, and stress zaps of electricity ping-ponged from my heart to my fingertips. I couldn't stop replaying all of the sweet moments we had together.

One in particular was the day after my mom left. At the same time, Törin seemed to be having a particularly fun week toying with me like a cat. Instead of going to class one day, I went to a nearby park and just sat atop the railing of a small bridge that shadowed a shallow river. I stared into that water for hours with horrible thoughts swarming around me like a pack of bees. I didn't care that my legs were numb or that my butt was in incredible pain from staying in one place for too long. The longer I stayed, the more I cemented the idea of what I was going to do when I went back home. I was going to scurry to my room as silent as the wind. I would then find something sharp...

I went to swing my dead legs around and carry out the plan, but something stopped me. On my left was a fresh, soft chocolate chip cookie in a package with a note on top.

I don't know what happened, but I just want to let you know that it gets better and there are people who care about you. Keep fighting!

-Sincerely, one of those people

I teared up at the random kindness, and my eyes immediately darted around to find if the sweet soul was still nearby. Far in the distance and almost out of sight was the familiar back-profile of none other than my Alex. As he rounded the path that led past the playground and to the main street, my heart swelled. I didn't know how or why he found me, but he stopped me from doing something really stupid. I will always remember what he did for me that day, even if he forgets.

All of the reminiscing and sobbing created overwhelming exhaustion that caused me to fall asleep, sad and worried.

At an extremely early time in the morning, around five, the nurse shook me awake.

"He was very unstable for most of the night. I stayed with him so he wasn't alone and luckily he made it... The reason Alex's injury was so severe is because he has osteoporosis, the why is unknown..."

"Please just take me to him," I pleaded.

"Although he's stable now, he just had a massive surgery, and he could turn at any point."
My eyes started welling up again at her shocking words.

"That's not the only thing..... he is in a coma, and we don't know if he'll wake up. Also, if he does, we don't know if he will ever be the same, I'm so sorry."

She hugged me and opened the door. I just stood there in her arms, not caring that she was a complete stranger. After quite a few moments of weakness, I pulled myself semi-together and walked into what looked like a science experiment gone wrong. Tubes were coming from his arms, throat, etc. One cast was placed around his right ankle while the other had on a wrap. He looked so small and defenseless in that state despite being almost 6 feet tall and built.

Why did this precious soul have to be going through so much? He had no parents, and I didn't ever see him with friends, much less a significant other.

His head was wrapped so intensely that he looked like a mummy. What also shocked me was that his silky obsidian hair was almost completely gone. In its place was bare skin interrupted by a small patch of hair. Alex's eyes were sunk, and he looked altogether horrible. I slunk to the floor next to his bed, a depressed mess. I curled up in the fetal position and cried myself back to sleep.

I woke up somehow in a chair next to his bed. I looked at Alex, and I was ecstatic when I heard a nurse say that they were going to take out his intubation tube. Soon after, however, I couldn't feel anything other than sadness as my crush still wasn't awake.

An unfamiliar nurse walked in and handed me some jello with a sorrowful smile. I couldn't even feign any emotion as she left. I didn't even say thank you. I distastefully ate it and put the cup on a nearby table.
'Beep'
'Beep'
'Beep'
Went my phone.

"GeT YouR ShOrT aSs HOmE B4 I FinD YoU!!!!!! Come dO ThE LAunDry!!!" My drunken dad slurred through the speaker.

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed in anger, throwing the phone. Its screen cracked under the force of colliding with a wall.

"No.............need...............to.do.........that," a subdued voice breathed. My eyes whipped to the bed and met with Alex's. Despite the condition he was in, there was a larger than life grin on his face.

"Why.................is.............it..........taking.....so.......long....to talk? He muttered.

"Well, you had brain surgery because they found out you had osteoporosis or something," I said, blushing from his gaze and extremely happy he was fully present. Alex's eyes widened, but he made no further comment on the issue.

"Why......did......you...............OWW.........stay," he asked with his breath lumbering from the broken ribs.

After all the self-hatred I felt for months knowing I liked a man and acknowledging all of the repercussions of saying such to someone I thought was a friend, I found it difficult to answer the question truthfully. My breath shook as I tried to force out the words.

"I have lik....." his hand had already slid over to mine courageously. A comfortable feeling of warmth and electricity spread from his fingertips to mine even though we were in a cold and sterile-smelling hospital. My heart was pumping, and my sadness swiftly melted away. We both smiled as radiant color filled our cheeks. With our hands still together, I chuckled and said

"You know you're peeing in a bag."

Then I completely lost it with giggling because the abrupt change in mood was so dramatic. Suddenly, I stopped.

"Wh...at?" He breathed.

"I can't see out of one of my eyes!" I yelled.

I started hyperventilating as I felt liquid dripping down my face and tasted pennies in my mouth. I could see out of the other eye that Alex was horrified. He took his hand off of mine and pressed the help button on the gurney. I flinched from the cold that took the place of where his delicate hand used to be. A nurse immediately busted open the door.

"I'm glad to see you're....... AHHHHH DOCTER!!!" She screamed. Almost instantly, the room was swarmed by medical professionals. A few were asking Alex a bunch of questions to which he slowly replied

"Just.............help........him"

Stacy came to his aid and pushed the information-hungry nurses away, standing like a guard over him.
They tried to put me in a wheelchair, and I went completely crazy.

"NO!!!!! I NEED TO STAY HERE, PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME AWAY!!" I roared.

The doctors tried to restrain me, but my adrenaline was on full blast.

"Ouch!!!" I yelled, looking down.

There was a needle in my arm with green liquid being pushed from it into me. The last thing I could remember was seeing tears in Alex's eyes while I dropped to the floor, falling unconscious.