Doctor Engel [A Spanish bestseller now in English!]

CHAPTER 1

I open my eyes, astonished. A blinding light makes me close them again. There's a huge lamp above my head. I finally focus on the nurse, and for a moment I feel confused. 'Is it true? Fallen down the stairs? It's true that I had to go out to the store, but... I don't remember going down any steps...' And that's when I'm aware of what really happened. That fucking liar.

'I don't remember, miss,' I say with fear, trying to hide what happened.

'Natalia,' I jumped, the husky male voice from before rings to my right.

I turn to see it and the first thing I encounter is a huge man dressed in green. About six feet tall. Brawny and with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. His hair is disheveled, blond and he has a 3-day beard. Right then is when I ask myself... 'Am I in a hospital or in heaven?'

'I am Doctor Engel, your traumatologist.' Now I have no doubt... I'm in heaven.

'Nice to meet you, Doctor Engel.' My voice sounds shy. His has a slight accent and I think it could be German.

'We're going to have to see each other for a while, Natalia. You have several bruises that we must keep an eye on. They are not serious, but they must be kept under control. Especially the one on your left arm.' At that moment I discover that I can't move it.

'Doctor... several?' I answer in a choked voice. It seems incredible to me that he speaks of several, but I feel no pain.

I look up and see cans of serum hanging up and dripping. From them come several transparent tubes that end in the fold of my healthy arm.

'Yes. You also have two affected ribs, plus a very ugly blow to the chin,' he touches my jaw to turn my head and see it better.

He looks straight into my eyes and I see anger and impotency in his own. With a dry but at the same time serious voice, he continues.

'Sorry to insist, Natalia, but... Are you sure you don't remember anything that happened?'

His words make a chill run down my back. If I don't behave properly, they will find out that I'm lying. Maybe they sense it, but I can't risk it. I hold the air in my lungs and I feel like an elephant is stepping on me. At that moment I see that my ribs are as affected as he said. With a gesture of pain I answer:

'No Doctor Engel, I don't remember...'

I don't feel comfortable lying. I don't like this. My parents have always been concerned to teach my brothers and me to be sincere. I'm betraying them. I notice how he observes me, I'm sure he has already discovered my inner battle. I look up and there are those beautiful blue eyes again looking into mine. I swear this time it's pity that I see in his expression. But even so, I don't want him to stop looking at me... I get lost behind his thick lashes. My problems fade away as I look at the seas that he has as irises and I dive into them.

'Ok, so here my work is finished for now. I will see you in a few hours.' His voice pulls me out of my reverie. I blink. There is anger in his way of speaking and he says nothing else. He leaves some leaflets at the foot of the bed and doesn't wait for me to say goodbye or even thank him. He turns and leaves.

I'm left alone with the nurse and in silence. She also seems to be surprised by the way doctor Engel left the room. She stares at the door for a few seconds and I hear her sigh while she turns to me.

'Okay, let's go,' she says to me unconvincingly. 'I'll finish explaining to you what we're going to do now. We're going to leave you in this room for a few hours. We need to know the cause of the loss of consciousness that you suffered. Although we believe it's a minor head injury. Our neurologist will come to see you.'

'Sounds horrible!' I say terrified.

'Calm down, this usually happens when the head moves very fast due to a blow. Possibly the one you received on your chin. If you feel better, and the scans you are given are OK, you can go home, but someone should watch you constantly for the next 24 hours.'

Thirty minutes later, the neurologist is testing all my reflexes. When he leaves I get lost in my thoughts. Doctor Engel's eyes. So blue, so expressive, they give me peace and I feel relaxed and soon I fall asleep.

'Alright Natalia' I hear him saying. I wake up scared and panting. For a moment I forget where I am, until I think about it and remember everything. He, seeing that I start to falter, puts a hand on my forehead while he approaches to talk to me. That familiar gesture calms me down. 'Well, it seems to be that you were lucky this time and you can go home...,' if he only knew, he would not call it luck.

'It seems to be,' I say without emotion.

'We can't do anything else if you don't help us dear.'

'What?' I feel my heart in my ears.

'Nurse Adelaide and I have been working together for too long on trauma to know which wounds or traumas are consistent with falls and which are not. Coincidentally, this doesn't seem to be the case...'

'Shit, shit and more shit,' I say. I can barely breathe, and not because of the blow.

'I don't know what you are talking about Doctor,' I answer immediately.

'I wish I was wrong, but it seems to be that you do.' I remain silent. I feel the beating of my heart in my temples. I think my silence has just betrayed me.

He looks straight into my eyes and smiles. It's a pitiful smile. Without saying another word, he begins to remove all the tubes with the help of the nurse. I'm very uncomfortable, and all I want is to get out of here as soon as possible, but just thinking about what's waiting outside makes me come up with the idea. I don't know what is worse... I want the earth to swallow me.

'See you in a couple of days, Natalia,' says the doctor. 'I'm leaving you the discharge report, since your injuries don't require admission. You just need a lot of rest and these painkillers,' he points to a green box. 'There is also the appointment so that you know where to go. On Thursday at five o'clock in the afternoon I will see you,' without further explanation he leaves again, without giving me time for anything.

When I'm alone, I pick up the papers, check them and find phone numbers and some documents from associations dedicated to helping victims of abuse. This can't be happening to me...

A caretaker must help me to get dressed. Until that moment I have not been aware of how difficult it's going to be for me these days. My mother, one of the two people who could help me, is living in Toledo. Nor do I want to scare her, so I'll hide it as long as possible. And Laura, my best friend. I won't be able to deceive her. She knows some of the things I've had to go through because I needed to vent. Although I've always tried to soften the details.

When they take me to the waiting room where the relatives are, there's Mario. When he turns to me I feel my hair bristling, like a frightened animal. At that moment, I realize that he is affected too. I swear I see remorse in his eyes.