It's Not Easy (Zauren)

Chapter 24: Christmas Evening

I grab my leather jacket and on the way out I see Zayn talking Austin. He tries to catch
my eye but I just get into my car and drive back home. When I get there I run to my room and I slam the door shut. My tears just fell, one by one, each time getting faster. Soon enough, I'm crying a river as I slide down my door. You could probably hear my sobs from a mile away. Thank goodness my family went to my grandma's house. I instantly get up and run into my bathroom. I frantically search for something that I haven't used for a very long time. Finally, I found my blade. I hold it against my skin but I hesitate. Then, the memory of the picture came in and Zayn's lies flooded my mind. I ran the blade across my skin. Once. Twice. Three times. Before I could make another cut, Alexa runs in and stops me. She grabbed the blade and flushed it down the toilet. My tears just fell freely as she helped clean me up. I know what she's going to do next. She's gonna call my other friends and then they're gonna give me a big lecture about cutting. It's like an intervention sort of.

Zayn's POV

I told Austin what happened and he told me to drive the car home and that he'll find a way back. I felt like a complete arse. What I didn't want to happen to Lauren, happened because of me. I destroyed her. I won't be able to live without her. I knew I should have told her the truth but I thought that'd hurt her. Turns out, not telling her hurts her even more. She's the love of my life and if she's not gonna be in it then my life isn't worth living anymore. I feel dead inside. When I get to Austin's apartment, I go to the place where I put the engagement ring. I open the case and stared at the ring for what seemed like years. Eventually, staring at it too much caused me so much pain that I threw it against the wall. I caused myself this pain. I'm like a ticking time bomb. I got a phone call and I checked to see it was from Harry. I had wished it was Lauren but it wasn't. I declined the call and just laid in bed thinking to myself. What could I do to make this better? The answer was nothing. I couldn't do anything to make this better. To make us better. I broke everything that we've worked so hard to build up. The best relationship I've ever been in, I screwed it up. Of course I would. I get another phone call but this time it's from Liam. I declined that call too. All of the boys called me so many times that I just silenced my phone and fell asleep.
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I wake up to the sound of the door shutting. Austin walks into the room and looks around. He's probably checking to see if I broke anything. Nothing, just Lauren's heart. He looked at the wedding ring on the floor and picked it up.

"Were you planning on giving this to her?" He asks.
"One day but I guess not anymore." I answer.
"Don't give up! You're Zayn Malik! Fight for her." He encourages.
"I can't. I broke her and I can't fix her. She won't even look at me." I explain.
"I promise you that I am going to help you fight for her. You two are the cutest couple that I have ever met and I am not going to let this fall apart." Austin says.
"I made out with another girl, Austin! Lauren found out and won't ever talk to me again so good luck trying to fix us."
"Thanks. I'm not giving up and neither should you." He says.

He sets the ring on the nightstand and leaves me alone. Every single bone in my body was telling me to march right over to Lauren's house and apologize with everything I have but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She's not even gonna open the door I bet. Instead, I send her text messages.
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Zayn💕: Lauren, I am so sorry for what I've done. I know I'm probably causing you so much pain right now. Don't cry over me because I know I'm not worth it. You are my princess, my light, and my happiness. Without you, I am nothing. Just know that I'm hurting too. Losing you is the worst thing possible in this whole entire world. Lying to you was a horrible mistake and maybe one day, we'll be together again. I love you my princess. Always and forever.

Zayn💕: Princess, I miss you already. You're my world and there is nobody that I would ever want more than you. I know I made a huge mistake. I'm punishing myself for it. If I can't be with you then I can't BE WITH you. One day you will understand what I mean because one day, I will leave you alone. I love you to the moon and back.

Zayn💕: This is the third message I'm sending you and you haven't replied. I just wish you'd at least reply to one. I just hope that I get to see you one last time. I'm truly sorry, Lauren. I screwed up and I can't fix it. I love you to infinity and beyond.
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She never replied but that's okay because I've hurt her. I don't plan on staying in Miami. It hurts to be here and not be able to feel Lauren, see Lauren, hear Lauren, even smell Lauren. I miss her vanilla scent and her cute giggles. I miss her beautiful deep sea green eyes. I miss the feel of her skin against mine when we kiss. I know it's only been 6 hours but I miss her. I grabbed the "50 messages in a bottle" she made me and my laptop and the scrapbook. On my laptop I put on sad songs while I look through the scrapbook. Every single picture of her is stunning. I opened the bottle and read message one: I love how you can make me smile whenever and wherever. She made me smile whenever and wherever too but lately I haven't been. I get a Skype call and I see it's from Camila. She wants to talk to me? I answer the call and her face pops up. I give her a puzzled look and she just starts talking.

"You hurt my best friend, Zayn. But I'm not gonna sit here and let her fall apart. We need to fix this. She's done something terrible that she hasn't done in years. She's hurting so much." Camila explains.
"I know I hurt her but we can't fix this. She hates me." I say.
"Lauren doesn't hate you. She is just.. dead inside."
"I feel the same way." A tear starts to fall and I quickly wiped it away.
"Are you crying?" Camila asks.
"I'm looking through the scrapbook just reminiscing." I reply.
"Zayn, don't hurt yourself even more."
"I'm not. This is my punishment. If I can't fix Lauren then this is my punishment."
"Don't even punish yourself. Lauren can be fixed. You just need the right way and the right time to do it." She explains.
"When's the right time?" I inquire.
"Definitely not now but soon." She responds.
"What's the right way?" I question.
"Austin and I talked about that. He'll explain it to you. I gotta go, Lauren's calling."
"Thank you, Camila."
"I'm not doing this for you." And she hangs up.

Austin walks in and sits on the bed with me.

"Camila texted and said she talked with you which means it's my turn now. We plan for you to do her favorite thing in a few months." Austin explains.
"Months?" I ask.
"You really hurt her so yeah." He answers.
"I guess I can deal with that. What's her favorite thing?" I query.
"She loves theme parks and prefers one rose over a bouquet." Austin replies.
"You want me to take her to a theme park? I don't think that's going to mend things between us." I say.
"We're gonna take her there and the rest is up to you." He explains.
"I'm going to need time to think about that." I say.
"Take all the time you need. You have 2 months."

2 months. 2 months to figure this all out. 2 months until I see Lauren again. Just 2 months, Zayn. You'll live.

A/N

I'm so mad! I used the word hurt too much. I almost cried writing this... Ugh it's so sad. I have big plans for Zayn ;) HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! Have a great time and spend it with your mom or anybody who's a mother figure to you. Until next time. Bye!