Just weight a little longer

Pancakes

   I sighed. I looked in the mirror and couldn't see very well considering my eyes were filling with tears. My vision got blurry and my head pounded with a heavy thumping. It felt like a hammer was hitting nail into the top of my head every single time I took a breath or blinked.

   I had just gotten out of the shower and I wore my bathrobe into my room, when I caught a reflection of myself. That's what lead me to be the crying mess I was on the floor. I weeped quietly so my mother wouldn't hear me, and buried my face into a pillow I grabbed from my bed.

   When you hate your body, you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You feel like you are being held up to a microscope and you and everyone else can see everything. All the bad things that you can't see on anyone else.

   It feels like you are in a pot of grease just bubbling and brewing and you're just floating there. Waiting. Waiting for it to be done.

   "Oliver! Pancakes are ready! Come and eat!" She called from downstairs, bringing me out of my thoughts.

   "Okay! Just one moment please!" I called back, and got up and wiped my eyes. I went into my closet and pulled out a pair of baggy Jeans with an elastic waist, a regular yellow tee, and a pair of all white sneakers. I'd finish getting ready after I made it look like I ate.

   I opened my bedroom door and what would normally smell of vanilla and warmth and baking, instead wreaked of something that would turn anyone's sense of smell twisted. My stomach gurgled but I hurried downstairs anyway.

   Mum wasn't in the kitchen when I went into it, so I quickly sliced my pancake in half and threw the other half in the garbage. When I saw she wasn't coming I threw the other half in the garbage and quickly sat at the table when I heard her footsteps.

   "Morning," she greeted me and kissed the top of my head.

   "Morning, mum," I replied and smiled at her. "Candace is picking me up this morning so I have to get ready earlier." I let her know and then when she finished talking to me a bit more I hurried upstairs and finished getting ready.

   I curled my hair and put on my makeup. I stared in the mirror for a while. It seemed like no matter what I could do the bags under my eyes and the bloodshot look in my eyes couldn't be hidden. I was beyond curious how my mother didn't even notice.

  The buzz of my phone let me know Candace was here. And apparently with Carl's friends.

~~~•~~~

   I waited for Ashton to finish getting out until I scooted in the car beside, you guessed it. Parker. The car was super nice and roomy, but with all our binders and backpacks it wasn't so much that way.

   "Sorry, Oliver... I forgot to tell you we were picking up Ashton and Parker before coming to get you. Is that okay?" Candace bit her bottom lip and was craned around to look at me. I noticed her facial expression change a little when our eyes met but she didn't say anything.

   "That's okay, don't worry about it," I smiled reassuringly and her eyes lingered on me a little bit longer before she nodded and turned around.

   Parker and I were crammed beside each other, because I had to sit in the middle. I felt his eyes looking into mine and I dared to take a look at him.

   I didn't see what I expected to see. I expected to see some smirk or scowl on his face, but for a moment there I thought a saw a flash of sympathy, or... guilt. But then his head was turned the other way, and I was looking at the back of it.