Masquerade, A Tom Hiddleston Story

Part 17 "O call back yesterday, bid time return"

"You my dear, would be the loveliest cow in the farm" I kissed her softly on the cheeks.

"You wouldn't prefer a skinny actress when I get fat?" She teased.

"Bah... I don't do skinny. I like to hold on to something" I winked naughtily.

She laughed and started eating hungrily.

"Oh how was Suffolk?"

"It was nice. It's nice to be able to sit down and have a decent conversation with my Mum. And I miss giving my sisters a hard time..." I chuckled, "especially Sarah, since she lives in India most of the time"

"I bet you are a wonderful brother..."

"I am now. But I was horrid to them at one point. I used to scare them with rats and cockroaches under their pillows."

"Nooo..." She giggled.

"Yep... And we, and my cousins, used to put on plays for Mum and other relatives on Christmas. Sarah would write them and Emma and I used to always play the lead. I would change dialogs and characters at random... I drove them insane!" I laughed remembering what a brat I was.

"I would have loved to see that" she said enthusiasticly.

"I have some of our old costumes that Mom kept, I'll show you one day when you visit..." I bit my tongue. I got a bit too excited. I never did ask her again to visit. Scared she would refuse me again.

"Yes one day... Okay?" She gave me a small smile.

I looked away and concentrated on eating.

"By the way I had a fun time last night... Thank you for meeting my friends. You got rave reviews by the way... But thats nothing new for you..." She said happily.

"My pleasure... Your friends are lovely people. I can see why you love them and vice versa" I said truthfully.

We smiled at each other. She leaned towards me and kissed me on the cheek. I quickly reciprocate by giving her a quick sloppy kiss on the lips. She grinned before going back to her food.

"Kate..." I started but stopped hesitantly.

"Yes Tom?"

"Nevermind..." I shook my head.  

"Majorca?" She asked me. I nodded.

I couldn't help smiling at the way she just gets me. My heart soared. We are so good together. Its inevitable that we can make this work, right?

"Kate... I think we should make an effort if we want to make this work. I will make a concious decision to always try and find time to go home. And I was hoping that you would spare a weekend or two to visit me" I touched her hand softly.

"First of all, you never asked. Second, Meghan gets over excited over everything. She assume things. I don't. She makes sweet promises. I don't. If I can or could, I will let you know. But if I cant then it means my work does not allow me to leave. Which leads us back to my first point; you never asked" she explained firmly.

"Will you have said yes If I asked?" I asked her seriously. Truthfully I feel a little offended. Is it my imagination or is she talking down to me?

"No. Because I dont make promises I can't keep. Just like when I said 'No' when you invited me to meet your family. I was not comfortable with that yet and I would rather be honest about how I feel" she gave an experated sigh. 

"I told you, I understand and respect your choice on that matter. Case closed. But this is about us spending more time together. Getting to know each other better..." I stated angrily. I can feel my temper rising.

"We are spending time together. When we can. I always make time for you when you are here, in London. But I can't just take off for a few days. I am neck deep in work. I am the head of a team that needs its leader to always be on top of her game" She put her fork down to make her point.

"I'm not asking for a week or two. I am asking for a weekend" I said with gritted teeth.

"What if I asked you to skip shoot for two days. Will you be able to do it?" she challenged.

"Well no... I'm bound by a contract" I snorted.

"Well I am too! It's my work Tom. I need to be able to deliver quality. Raise the bar for my team. I am working on Saturday and Sundays and maybe an extra non existent day if need be..." Her tone was raised now. She looked angry.

"You of all people should get it..." she added softly.

I opened my mouth only to shut them again. I can feel my anger subsiding.

Yes Kate. I get it. I get it more than you know. That's why I'm heartbroken. How is this ever going to work?

I stared sadly at this incredible woman in front of me. Knowing that what I say next can have two outcomes. But I had to say it. I need to say it.

"Kate... I love you..." I told her softly. I took her hand and held it to where my heart is.

"I love you.." I repeated with a heavy voice.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It seemed like forever until she opened them again. Releasing droplets of fresh tears.

"Hey hey... Don't cry... I'm sorry" I spontaneously wiped away her tears with my thumb.

"I'm sorry... You don't have to reply... Really... Don't cry..."I pulled her close and wrapped her in my arms as she weeped. I caressed her back gently.

"I love you too..." She whispered softly. I froze with shock.

I pushed her at arm's length and searched her red teary face for a confirmation.

"I love you," she nodded gently. "But... I don't think we can make this work..."

"No... I don't think we can" I agreed with a heavy heart.

"I'm sorry Tom..." She threw herself in my arms.

"I'm sorry too..." I kissed her hair. A lone tear escaped my eye and I quickly wiped them away. I held her close, not wanting to let go.

She pulled away still crying. She  stared blankly at the floor at first. And then she bit her lip and closed her eyes. I've never seen her so unsure of herself. A lump formed in my throat. I love her enough to never want her to be this miserable.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her gently on the lips.  She kissed me back. She opened her eyes and mustered a brave smile between salty tears.

"I wish that we can stop time right here and now. Never moving forward. I just want us to be... Here...." She said emotionally. Her shoulders heaving up and down.

I feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I embraced her again protectively.

"Me too... me too..."