Fervid Desire (Good Pleasure Series #2)

Kabanata 19

"Why are you so worried about people might see us together? There's no wrong with—"

I immediately cut his sentence off.

"Zach, it's complicated. Ano nalang ang sasabihin ng tao? They only know is I am dating Drook, not you. Besides, ang alam lang nila ay hindi tayo magkakilala, we are not even close for them."

"Mayroong nakakakilala sa akin bilang boyfriend mo. That Engineer of yours,"

I tilted my head just to look at him. I know whose he was talking about. Engineer Terrence. Alam naman ni Engineer na kaibigan kong lalaki si Zach. Pero kahit na ganoon ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang mangamba. Ano nalang ang sasabihin ng ibang tao sa akin? That I was just using Drook or Zach? No, I won't let that to happen. I will just probably keep Zach as a secret, whilst Drook will be my... friend. I was still confused if I will be going to answer him when in fact was I don't like him.

Gusto ko na talagang sabihin kay Drook ang tungkol sa amin ni Zach, but I was too afraid. What if I'll make him mad at me? Or he'll get disgusted with me because I let other person to fuck me? Especially that we don't have any form of label. But he has a right to know especially that I was planning to choose him over this desire that was maneuvering all of my system.

"They know that I am dating Drook," that's what only I can say for now. Hindi ko alam kung kaya kong ipagpatuloy kung ganito siya kalapit na ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat haplos niya sa aking balat.

"Do you like him?" I can't determine his voice— it was too sullen.

"Y-yes," but not the way I love you. I wanted to say but I was too coward to spill my thoughts.

Void of silence stretched out. Only the crickets and the crisp of the leaves that surround us. I wanted the say something— just to clarify my statement but I was too coward and squelched myself from saying something. This game, gambling was not in my list, it was very precarious. It will make me cry for sure. Therefore, I will just cover up in the curtain of comforts, in the place where I thought it was the right place to go on. Of course, the feeling of deliverance was in the arms of Zach but it was according to what I feel, but when my brain took over, it was in the arms of Drook.

"Why don't you just answer him? Hmm..." now, he started leaving a shallow kisses on my skin.

"I-it's not yet the right time..."

His hug tightened, "And when is that 'right time'? Because I'm sure, you'll like me very soon..."

I bit my lower lip. Do you have any idea how deep my feelings for you, Zach? I mentally asked him. Thank you that he has no power on reading thoughts. But I always wish I could have it. I was contemplating his train of thoughts, what he really felt because until now, I was too confused if his feelings were just controlled by his desire for me. Desire of a man to a woman— a lust.

I shrugged, "I don't know. And don't very arrogant, I'm sure I'll never like you."

Tumingala nalang ako at tinignan ang kulay asul na himpapawid. Ang iilang ibon ay malayang lumilipad roon. The sky was cloudless, it was too pacific. There was no cloud at all but the majestic color of it was reigning into the entire horizon. The sun was near to the center. But the searing rays of it don't assault our skin because of the huge Acacia tree that stood as our refuge. I nipped his skin— I forced my fingers just to hurt him but he just heaved a sigh and rested his chin on on my shoulder.

Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang kailangan ko. What should he offer just to make me believe his words. All those years we'd been together, nahihirapan na akong paniwalaan siya na may nararamdaman nga siya sa akin. Ang hirap kasi, nakita ko kung paano niya paglaruan ang puso ng mga babaeng kakilala ko. Paano kung maging isa ako sa kanila? Paano kung gaya nila ay iiwan lang ako? I don't want that to happen. Zach used to get a girl without sweating, so if I'll give in now, he might throw me easily too.