Tendril | Kylo Ren x Reader

xxxv. love

Feeling his heart slam against his chest and coming to a complete stop as his eyes grew in size, he stared at you. Did you... love him?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that." You shook your head, not bothering to look at him, the silence suffocating you. "I'm sorry." Turning away and getting under the sheets, you lied with your back facing him, a racing heart and a burning face, embarrassed that you'd say something so easily. "Goodnight."

Eyeing you as his eyebrows scrunched up, heart fluttering in his chest, Kylo shut his eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath. He didn't mean to stay silent, or to make you feel embarrassed—especially with how hostile you now felt—he was just... afraid. He had found himself doing and feeling things he had never before. And he knew very well, the light within him was only becoming stronger.

Lying down as he turned on his side, facing you, Kylo reached under his pillow, only to feel something. Pulling whatever it was that had been placed there, he brought it in front of him and only felt his heart snap.

The image of him when he was younger... with his mother.

Tightening his grip around it as he looked over at you, his eyes began to fill with tears. Tears he hadn't felt since he had killed his father.

Biting down, he shifted his eyes back to the image, seeing the happiness in her face. The wide grin and bright eyes. Something he so deeply wanted to see again. Something he knew he could never tear away from himself no matter how hard he tried. One of the pieces that held the light within him. What kept it flickering.

His mother... and her presence that he knew he still felt. Somewhere, out in the galaxy.

Clenching his jaw shut, biting back the urge to cry, knowing very well that he kept the image hidden for so long was for that exact reason... he shut his eyes and turned the image away from him. He tried so hard not to tremble, to wake you if you had truly fallen asleep of for you to feel his distress... but his heart was aching.

He knew that, no matter how hard he tried, he still very much loved his mother. And that he could never stop loving her.

And just as he felt that love for his mother... he was feeling a whole new type of love for you.

That's when he knew, he couldn't let you slip from his grip, no matter how fearful he was. He couldn't lose you. Not when you were the last chance the Force has given him to having something anchor him.

Placing the image back under his pillow, feeling a few tears slip as he sniffled, Kylo wiped them before he scooted closer to you, reaching out to you and pulling you to his chest as he left a long kiss on the back of your head as your eyes slowly opened. The feeling of his racing heart vibrated against your back as your own ached. You had hoped that he'd make a move... That he'd do something.

And he had.

Turning yourself to him, you wrapped you arm around him as you nuzzled your face into his neck and took in his scent. Not wanting to let go of him. Ever.

That next morning had come and Kylo found it difficult to separate from you. You had still been asleep against him and he had to try to not wake you when he pulled himself from you. He knew he couldn't take a day off to just stay in bed with you, not with his newfound title. But, he promised himself that he'd return to you as soon as he could. Because he knew, you were the one thing that'd keep him stable... as he was to you.

Eventually waking up to that emptiness, you had taken your time that morning, knowing you didn't have much to do. You contemplated whether or not to return to your post, but you decided not to. You were fine in Kylo's room.

You had busied yourself reading nearly every single book on his bookshelf, almost falling asleep each time with how boring they were. They definitely weren't for pleasure. If anything, they were for torture.

A few times you had left the room to eat and explore a bit, being cautious enough for no one to question you. But, to your surprise, they hadn't. They were all busy in their own world.

Returning to Kylo's—and now your—chambers, you decided to change into your nightwear as the evening had approached. You were thankful that the only presence you had been feeling was Kylo's and not Snoke's. You hadn't felt him for days.

Eyeing his room and searching for any source of entertainment, your eyes landed on a sort of holopad. Turning it around in your hands as you moved to sit on Kylo's side of the bed, you pressed a button, only to see the galaxy appear before you as your eyes widened, lips parted.

Pushing a few buttons, moving from system to system, you pointed out the ones you had been to. Which were plenty.

After hours of being absent, Kylo had returned, only to see you holding the galaxy in your hands. You looked so mesmerized... so amazed. The smile on your face, the excitement in your eyes. How the blue beam of the hologram reflected off of your skin.

Too lost in your own world, you hadn't realized someone else was in the room until you snapped out of it, seeing Kylo. "You seem to enjoy that." He said, walking over to you and pressing a kiss against your forehead as you nodded.

"It's so neat... I was pointing out the planet's I've been to. I'd say easily ten... Maybe more. I'm sure more." You chuckled as Kylo smiled, a genuine one. "I also read all those books from your bookshelf." You pointed without looking away from the holo pad, Kylo nodding as he undressed himself. Removing his cape, his hilt and belt, as well as his boots.

"Really? I wouldn't suggest anyone read those..."

"Oh, no, they're terrible reads." You shook your head. "But, it was something..." Telling him what you remembered from each, he lifted his eyebrows in amazement.

"Impressive. Not even I remember half of them." He lowly chuckled as you shrugged.

Shutting off the holopad and placing iron his nightstand, you propped one of your knees up before resting your chin on it, watching him undress. Your cheeks were heating up at the sight, but you couldn't look away. This had been the first time you had actually seen him take apart his attire, stripping down to his pants as your heart skipped a beat.

Feeling your eyes on him, Kylo looked over at you as you blushed, trying so hard to look elsewhere but not being able to. Your eyes trailed the hard lines of his muscles on his torso, so defined... He looked as if he had been sculpted by the Force, itself.

Biting your inner lip, you hadn't realized that Kylo had kept his gaze locked on you the entire time, your eyes trailing back up and meeting his. The sudden desire within them reflecting your own.

You knew he wanted something... and you felt it, too.

〉〉〉〉

A/N

Things are about to get heated ;)

Thanks for reading! Votes and comments are appreciated!

〉 Nic