The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 73

He walks back into the bedroom and I follow him. He sits on the bed with his legs crossed and I do the same. We sit across from one another and I still hold the package tightly in my hands. I watch him and he licks his lips as he stares at the package. He wants this, he wants this more than anything else. He wants this more than he has ever wanted me. That's a bitter pill to swallow because I remember when he use to look at me like that. I remember when I was the most important thing in his life. I remember when I was the only thing he desired in the world but he doesn't feel like that anymore. Those feelings he had for me are long gone now. He doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't crave me anymore. The drugs have taken over him now and his want for his next fix is stronger than his want and need for me. It's just how Daisy predicted it to me. She told me this would happen but I didn't believe her. I didn't want to believe her but she was right. He leans over to me and he tries to take the package from me but I hold it firmly to my chest. I am not letting it go not just yet. He finally looks up at me and I stare back at him.

"Do you really want to do this?" I ask fearfully. I want him to say no. I want him to stop this and I want him to help me stop this too. He nods like I knew deep down he would "Do you not want to?" he asks. I don't know, I honestly don't know what I want. I want him, I want all of him and it seems the only way I can have him these days is to join him in this. He is drawing me in and making me do this with him. I shrug my shoulders as I bite down on my lip. He doesn't say a word but he quickly snatches the package from me. He suddenly stands as he looks down at me "Don't fuck about Sienna" he snaps "You either want to do it or you don't!" he states. How can he make out like this is such an easy decision to make? I could die doing this, I could overdose and die. Why doesn't he get that? I love him, I really do but that love is slipping away. He is killing the love I have for him. I have to remember to love myself too. I will never love myself if I allow myself to take heroin. If I do it I will go back to where I was before rehab. I will go back to hoping that the next time I take something I will die.

"I can't do this" I tell him emotionally. I can't do it, I can't change my entire future just to make him happy. He is the only reason I am even considering doing this. I want us to feel the same about each other and this feels like the only way we can be. I want us to be on the same wavelength but I realise looking at him we never will be. We will never be on the same wavelength again because all he cares about is the drugs inside that package. "Please don't do this" I beg of him. He has a choice. He has a choice just like I have and he can throw that package away. He can get rid of it and we can start again. We can start a fresh because neither of us need drugs. We can still have fun sober and we'll still know what we are doing then. We don't need to be off our faces to have a good time. He looks at me for a moment and I really believe he is considering what I am saying but then he ruins it by shaking his head. I should have known he wouldn't listen to me, he never listens to me. "This is me now" he tells me firmly "I need this, I really need it" he speaks with more passion than I have ever heard from him before. "You don't need it, you just need me" I try to convince him but we both know that I am hitting a brick wall. He doesn't need me, he didn't need me before and he doesn't need me now.

His hands shake as he opens the package and then he holds a packet of brown powder in his hand. I stare at the packet in his hand. That brown powder has changed him into someone I don't even know anymore. He is unrecognisable. I don't even think I just quickly lean forward and I snatch the packet from his hand. It takes him a moment to realise what I am doing but as soon as he does he is after me. I am already up and running to the bathroom. He runs after me screaming my name angrily. He doesn't get I am doing this for him. I am doing this to help him. He suddenly lunges at me as I run through the bathroom door and he knocks us both onto the floor. We both land on the cold tilled floor roughly and my body hurts from the impact. He pins me down on the floor and all the memories of Mitch pinning me down in a similar way come rushing back to me. I can't relive that moment, I can't relive it anymore. I need to let it go, I need to let the poison go. "GET OFF!" I scream but as I scream the sobs come. They come so thick and fast that I can't control them. I feel broken as I realise all he is bothered about is getting the packet out of my hand. He literally bends my fingers back to the point of breaking them as I give up and allow him to take the packet from me. He suddenly lets go of me and he stands victorious. He looks like he has won the lifetime achievement award at the BRITS as he holds the drug in his hands. He doesn't notice me beneath him broken to the point of no repair. He doesn't care that my cries echo around the room. Everything he cares about is in his hand now.