Cardboard Hearts

#1: part 2

Your brother,
Nic

The next letter was dated a month later.

Dear Annie,
I'm getting worried. You haven't written in so long. Has Dad gotten worse, or are you still mad at me? I have to know you guys are all right.
I know Dad never believed me about my nosocomephobia, but you have to. It's more than just hating hospitals- I just couldn't stay there anymore. I'm sorry for leaving you alone to take care of Dad. Maybe someday you'll be able to forgive me.
Business is slow. I might have to postpone the trip home for awhile, until I get things figured out, but I promise I'll visit as soon as I can.
I miss you all so much. Tell Ma and Dad I said hello. And tell Dad... Tell him I'm sorry for leaving.

Your worried brother,
Nic

The final letter in the stack is the longest of all, and written a year after the last one.

Dear Annie,
Uncle Rick called and told me about Dad's funeral. I know you're still mad about everything, but... Couldn't you have at least told me about the funeral? I have a bit of money saved now. I could've made the trip home.
When I heard the news, I almost passed out from shock. I knew Dad was getting worse, but I had no idea it was that bad. I'm sorry you had to go through all that alone, I really am. And I know you haven't read any of my other letters, so there's no reason you would read this one, but I just wanted to say that I made a mistake leaving you all behind. I was young and more stupid, and if I had the chance to redo this I know I wouldn't mess up so badly. But this is life, and you don't get any do-overs.
I realize you don't ever want to see me again. I know that it's my fault our lives won't cross in the future, and I'm sorry for that. But I hope that deep inside, one small part of you understands why I left. I hope part of you still loves me. Because I know that I'll never stop loving you.
Tell Ma I miss her, too. I hope you have a good life, Annie. I love you.

Your very remorseful brother,
Nic

~•~

Nic sits in his chair, tears streaming down his cheeks and splattering onto the worn and crumpled pages of his last attempts at caring. I've never seen him cry before.

He takes a deep breath and pulls out a clean sheet of paper and pen.

"Time to write one last letter," he whispers.

And, with shaky hands and tears still sliding down his face, he begins.

~•~

Dear Annie,
It's been 25 years and everything has changed. I'm probably an uncle or a great-uncle by now. Ma and Dad are both gone, and you didn't invite me to either funeral. But of course I can't blame you; what I did was far worse.

A few days ago I got in a car accident. I had a minor concussion and a broken leg, and I spent four days in the hospital. I'm okay now, but they were some of the worst days of my life.

I was thinking about you, the whole time I was in there. It was the only thing that kept me sane. For 25 years I pushed you out of my head, I told myself you were better off without me. I forced myself to forget you, because it was best for both of us.

I had everything in the world and I was so, so happy, but I gave it all away in an instant. I thought I was doing the right thing then; I thought you and Dad would be better off without me. Without my constant nagging and worrying and jealousy because you're all so different from me. But now I've spent a quarter of my life without speaking to you, and it was the worst mistake I ever made. And believe me, I've made many.

I'm going to fix that. I'm coming to see you, with whatever money I have left after paying the hospital bills. I'm finally going to make that trip I promised you so long ago.

I'll mail this last letter, and hope that it reaches you in time. I'll hope that you've forgiven me enough to read it.

I'm coming home, Annie.

Love,
Nic

A/N:
In case it wasn't clear, nosocomephobia is the fear of hospitals.

Also, I'm not saying that Nic is a coward for a phobia he has no control over. That would be ridiculous. But he felt the need to leave the state to get away from it, and left his sister to take care of their father alone. In 25 years he never called, never visited even after his dad died (and he admits that he had money saved) and continued to send letters that he knew would never be read. He never felt the need to try a different way of communicating; he just gave up on his sister and the only hope his family had of ever getting back together.

That is why he's a coward.

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