Meghan {c.g.}

XXIII. SWEET

I sigh again, feeling a weight rest in my heart. Thinking back, I realize that even if I had known this piano was here the whole time, I probably wouldn't've been able to find the courage to sit in front of it.

Thick lines cut through the dust covering the neglected keys. They curl and dance around the thin lines that have also formed on the slick surface. MJ's little finger rids itself of the dust as she wipes her hand on her shirt. Her skinny legs dangle and swing on either side of the bench as she straddles it. She is sitting next to me, facing me. Her lips are set in a tight line as she watches my face carefully, as if she can sense my despair.

Though she is young, I like to entertain the idea that she can understand emotions other than hunger and exhaustion. I want to believe that she knows what love is, but it also worries me. No one can know love without also knowing fear and hatred. Those are two things I would never wish upon my little girl.

With much hesitation, I smile, and with my eyes still on MJ, my finger hovers over a white key for moment before putting a great and sudden pressure on it. It's a low C.

The child's eyes snap open wide as the charming noise captivates her. She looks from me to my finger frantically. I press a different key, a black one. This time, I also press the leftmost pedal with the toe of my shoe. MJ darts her eyes around as if she can see the crisp note hanging in the air as it resonates off of the walls.

I press another key, and another, and another. Soon, my hands are sliding over the keys as I play a soft and simple melody. The tempo is quick, but the pecks of my fingers are light and airy.

It flows out of me in a delicate stream, bypassing my mind and instead bubbling from my heart, moving to my fingers, then to MJ's baffled ears. She is staring at the instrument in complete awe. I myself am shocked as the long-forgotten tune presents itself once again. It was hidden inside of me somewhere, a dark, deep part of my soul that I thought died when Meghan did.

My heart tightens and I close my eyes as the music comes rushing back to me full force. As the piano vibrates under my touch, I imagine running through the woods with both MJ and Meghan, chasing my girls as they squeal in joy. I can feel my grandpa's hands hovering over mine, and every time I hit the wrong key, he corrects my fingers so they can continue their blissful assault on the keyboard.

A suddenly gruesome and misplaced chord roars its way on the keyboard and rips me back into reality. My eyes fly open and I see that I am no longer in a sunny field. I am back inside of Olivia's deserted home. The unnerving quiet hits me hard for a few seconds until MJ bangs on the keys again, giggling while she does so. A smile creeps into my face despite the sharp and unpleasant sound scraping at my eardrums.

I take her hands under mine, helping her play pretty notes. She smiles at me as we do a scale together, starting from the very lowest note to the highest.

A gust of wind ruffles MJ's curls, pushing them in front of her face. Goosebumps rise over her arms, and she reaches toward me for warmth. Turning to the front door, which I know I closed, we see Carl. He is standing in the doorway, one foot inside, the other out. He looks as if something stopped him mid-stride. A small smile is plastered in his face.

"I didn't know you could play," He says, finally snapping out of his trance. He closes the door behind him.

"I didn't know there was a piano here," I shrug.

The sound of plastic cracks from behind his back as he steps toward us. After closing the keyboard, I balance MJ on my hip and meet Carl in the middle of the room.

"How was the run?" I ask casually.

I don't want him to hear the quiver in my voice. I don't want him to know how worried I actually was.