troubled (a phanfic)

Chapter 28 (c;)

Dans pov

I make my way towards the bathroom chewing on my nails as I go. I completely trust Phil and we have been together long enough now that I feel ready to do this with him...but still. It is my first time with another man and I feel nervous. I reach the bathroom and turn on the shower. I see that my hands are trembling badly and I fold my arms quickly. I watch the water flow for a moment, finding the sight strangely calming. I let out a shaky breath trying to steady my heart rate. I hear quiet footsteps behind me and then feel warm skin press against mine. "Are you okay? We don't have to do anything you aren't ready for." Phil whispers cuddling into me. I turn to face him and find my face very close to his. He cups my face in his hands and smiles at me reassuringly. "Thank you." I reply simply leaning forwards to peck his lips carefully. "But I am ready." I say confidently feeling proud that my voice doesn't tremble. He smiles back and leans in to kiss me again. He drops the bundle of clothes and towels onto the floor and pulls me against him. He kisses me hungrily pulling me as close to his body as he can. He pulls my legs up and I wrap them around his waist and then wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls his lips away from mine and I sigh in disappointment immediately missing his warm lips against mine. He hears me and smiles leaning up to peck my lips again before kissing along my jaw and down my neck. I gasp slightly as his lips graze a particularly sensitive patch of skin on my neck. He attaches his lips and sucks, lightly at first and then harder. I move my head back and rest it against the wall to give him easier access. He sucks three love bites in a neat row and then pulls back to survey them proudly. "Thanks." I say sarcastically "that will be a bitch to cover up." He laughs naughtily his face momentarily losing it's innocent look. He attaches his lips back to my neck and I am about to complain until I am cut off by a moan that escapes my lips without my consent. I place my hand over my mouth in embarrassment and feel my cheeks flame. Phil stops and pulls back. He removes my hand from my mouth tenderly and leans forward to kiss me. It's a much sweeter kiss this time and it makes my heart melt for him all over again. He pulls back leaning his forehead against mine. I feel like I am being hypnotised by his eyes. They are large and glassy like tiny swimming pools. "Don't hide your moans from me." He whispers against my lips before pulling back completely and pulling the rest of his clothes off. I watch him paralysed as he gets into the shower and stands under the stream of water. I attempt to keep my eyes on his face but they keep wandering downwards... "Dan?" Phil says snapping me out of my trance. I snap my eyes back up to his face quickly feeling my cheeks burn even more. He smiles at me knowingly. "Are you actually going to get in or are you just going to stare at me?" He asks and I can feel blush spread all the way down my neck. "Yeah sorry..." I say laughing nervously. I peel my pyjama bottoms off and step into the shower gingerly. My cuts faded into thin scars long ago and all my bruises are long gone. It doesn't make me feel any more confident about my body though. I wrap my arms around myself. I hate my body and all the raised scars lining my arms and legs. Phil's eyes fall on my folded arms and he takes both of my hands in his. "Don't hide your body from me Dan." He whispers looking sad. He sighs and reaches out to trail his fingers across my arms. "You're beautiful. All of you. I don't care that you have scars, they just show that you went through a difficult time and got through it." He tells me solemnly. His hands leave my arms and moves up to my shoulders instead. He trails one hand across my collar bones and then down to my hips. He brings his other hand down on my other shoulder, mirroring his previous movements. Suddenly he grips hold of my waist and pulls me up against him. He twists me so that my back is against the water shielding him from the spray. I watch him cautiously as he kisses down between my collarbones all the way down until he reaches my lower stomach. He looks up at me through his lashes. "Okay?" He asks me taking hold of one of my hands and giving it a squeeze. I nod mutely and squeeze his hand back. I close my eyes and because of this when he leans forwards and wraps his lips around me I gasp in surprise. I feel my body tense slightly at first feeling a bit nervous before the pleasure begins to set in. I let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding in one big whoosh. He runs his tongue along the underside of my member and I shudder in pleasure. I run my hands into his hair and clench my fingers gasping as the feeling sweeps over me. I feel my legs wobble slightly and Phil seems to notice too. His hands reach up and grip hold of my hips, holding me up. Suddenly I feel a tightening in my lower stomach and I let out a broken moan. "Phil..." I stutter out as a way of warning him. He pulls off with a pop and stands up keeping his grip on my hips. I pant slightly feeling the beads of sweat begin to collect in my hairline. I pull him close to me this time and kiss him passionately trying to forget where his mouth had just been. I trail my hand down his stomach as he had moments before and wrap my fingers around his member tentatively. His breath catches at my touch and I smile into the kiss before moving my hand up and down slowly, running my thumb over the large vein running along the underside of him. He moans against my lips and I begin to move my hand a bit faster. He breaks of the kiss and leans his forehead into my shoulder moaning quietly into my skin. After a while I feel his body tense and I pull away breaking any skin on skin contact. He looks at me through heavily lidded eyes still breathing loudly. We stare at each other for a few minutes trying to catch our breaths before Phil brings me back to him again and kisses me gently. "Are you ready?" He asks me eyes searching my face for any signs of reluctance or panic. I grab hold of his cheeks and tilt his head up so that he is forced to look into my eyes. "There is no one else I would rather have my first time with okay? I love you." I tell him sincerely and I see his eyes go slightly glassy with tears and he leans forwards to kiss my forehead. "I love you too. So so much." He tells me before turning me around again so my back is facing him. I hear him pick up a bottle and uncap it and I shiver slightly in anticipation. His thin fingers caress my hips and lower back and then dance across my thighs. He grazes over my entrance with a barely there touch. I tremble slightly at the feeling. I can feel that his fingers have been lubed up and I feel a sudden ridiculous urge to giggle even though nothing is funny. I realise my stomach is tied up in knots of nerves. Phil's finger slips into my entrance and I tense up at the unfamiliar feeling. Phil feels my discomfort and presses gentle kisses on my shoulder. He takes one of my hands in his and squeezes it comfortingly "we can stop at any time if it gets too much." He promises me and I nod. He moves his finger around inside me and I begin to get slightly accustomed to the feeling although it doesn't get that much more pleasurable. "Can I add another?" Phil asks and I nod hesitantly. Phil adds a second finger and I grit my teeth in pain at the stretch. He stays still for a moment to let me adjust and I let a shaky breath out before nodding for him to move. He moves his fingers around cautiously, searching for something... I let out an involuntary gasp as he finds what he is looking for. A spark of pleasure fizzles through me. I can almost hear him grinning behind me as he moves his fingers gently against the sensitive bundle of nerves causing my vision to blur and a string of moans to be released from my lips. "Are you okay for another?" He asks me and for a moment I am incapable of answering because of the sheer pleasure bubbling through me. "Yes, yes!" I gasp finally and he laughs and adds another. Again there is a moment of discomfort before he finds that magical spot again. I rock back against his fingers moaning loudly unable to stop myself. All too soon he removes his fingers and I whimper slightly feeling empty and desperate to have the feeling back again. I feel the tip of his member press against my entrance and I tense up, feeling panicky all over again. If it hurt just to have fingers inside me how much was it going to hurt to do it properly? I begin to shake again and Phil stops and wraps his arms around my waist. "You don't have to do ANYTHING you don't want to do. If you don't want to do this we can stop now." He tells me and he is so sweet I want to cry. "I do want to do this I'm just a bit nervous." I tell him and he nods "I will be careful with you I promise." He assures me and I nod and let my body relax. "Ready?" He asks and I nod quickly. He positions himself at my entrance again and very slowly pushes in. I hiss in pain as a low burning goes through my muscles and he stops to comfort me, whispering sweet nothings against my skin. I nod trying to relax again and he moves in further and further until he is completely inside me. "Okay?" He asks me and I wait a moment, letting myself adjust again before nodding "you...can move." I whisper breathlessly and he pulls out slowly before pushing back in again. I slowly get used to the feeling and then he brushes against my prostate and I clench my hands into fists and groan loudly as the euphoria rushes through me. Phil moans with me as I clench around him and soon we have a rhythm set. I get lost in the feeling and soon feel the all too familiar tightening in the pit of my stomach. "Phil..." I mumble weakly "close..."