maybe • adam banks

not ready

he smiled in amusement,"yeah, you must be, because i was being very discreet."

i chuckled and rolled my eyes, enjoying our playful banter. we haven't talked a vast amount before, but i could tell we really clicked.

•

we entered the ice cream parlor, and it didn't take long for someone to recognize us.

the blonde cashier, who couldn't have been much older than us, smiled,"hey, aren't you guys on the usa hockey team?"

adam returned the smile, glad for the recognition,"yeah, we are."

she looked at us excitedly,"that's so cool! i've always wanted to play hockey, but it gets kinda hot here."

i nodded,"yeah, i get that."

she smiled politely at me,"yeah. anyways, what can i get for you?"

i ordered salted caramel ice cream, and banks ordered strawberry ice cream.

i looked at him distastefully,"strawberry ice cream? i think i should just go home, i don't think this is gonna go anywhere."

he looked at me with offense,"what's wrong with strawberry ice cream?"

i shrugged,"nothing... if you're a monster."

he laughed and shook his head,"whatever, salted caramel ice cream is for babies with no taste."

i smiled in amusement as he went to take his money out. but he was promptly stopped by the pretty blonde worker.

"oh, on me, handsome." she shamelessly flirted with the boy.

i narrowed my eyes and looked up at adam, to see what he'd say next. he blushed and looked down.

"uh, thank you," he said awkwardly, leaning in to look at her name tag,"sarah."

she winked and walked away from the register to help the next customer.

"someone's into you." i laughed as we took our seats.

he let out a breath,"someone isn't interested."

i smiled, glad for the reassurance,"well, you better act like it before we have to pay for our ice cream."

he chuckled,"i'll see what i can do, but i'm not the one who takes acting classes."

"you remembered?" i raised my eyebrows, swirling my ice cream in the bowl, making sure it melted before i actually started eating it.

he nodded,"how could i forget? it's not everyday you meet a hockey-actor hybrid."

i chuckled,"i guess that's true, but uh, what about you? how'd you get into hockey?"

"oh, my dad got me into it. he played peewees and juniors, so i played peewees and juniors," he started, going into his entire career thus far,"but i was on a team named the hawks, and coach actually made the switch for me. apparently i was zoned wrong or something and... yeah, that was the last of my dad watching me play."

i frowned, feeling bad for the boy, but also relating to him,"oh, i'm sorry. my parents never went to a game either. they've never even been to one."

he knit his brows together,"what, why?"

i shrugged, not wanting to get too far into detail,"they just think I'm wasting my time."

he frowned,"oh, i'm sorry."

"don't worry about it," i spoke, trying to change the subject,"but um, do you think we have a chance against iceland?"

he sucked in his breath, trying to be optimistic, but also level-headed,"um... now that coach is back, maybe. what about you?"

i pressed my lips together, trying to gather my thoughts,"i think that they are... better equipped than us. they're stronger, but they have no will. they're like mindless hockey drones designed to beat the shit out of us," he cut me off with a laugh,"but, you know, they have no desire for the actual game, just winning. which yeah, maybe isn't as important as actual skill, but i think it's makes a difference. i mean, we all love the sport and that's why we're here. so i think we have a chance."

he nodded, glad that i believed in us,"yeah, i think we all just have to be able to work. which is all we'll be doing for the next two weeks until the final."

i nodded and decided my ice cream was finally melted enough and started to eat it.

•

adam and i had talked a lot on the way home, getting closer than we had been before. he was just really easy to converse with and i enjoyed talking to him.

we stood outside my dorm, and i smiled lightly at him,"this was nice, thanks banksie." 

"yeah, no problem. i really liked this." he replied, looking down at me.

it was quiet for a moment, and suddenly i felt myself leaning in.

but i couldn't finish what i had started, because i was too scared of what happens after that. i still wasn't sure this is exactly what i wanted.

"sorry." i sighed, looking down at the floor.

he shook his head, trying to reassure me,"no, no, don't worry about it, i wasn't trying to-"

"i know," i cut him off, not wanting him to think it was his fault,"i just can't... do this, right now."

he nodded,"well, that's okay. i wasn't expecting anything to happen."

i smiled lightly, glad that he was so understanding,"thanks," i glanced at my door, feeling the need to leave,"i should get going."

adam smiled and opened the door for me,"i hope we can do this again sometime. and maybe... you know."

i chuckled and looked into the room,"yeah, let's do it."

he watched me walk into the room, and i couldn't help but feel bad for what i had done. i shouldn't have tried to kiss him, i wasn't even sure we were like that yet.

we didn't know each other enough to develop our relationship any further, and i felt like i had pushed too far.

but i would think of this all night if i didn't just change out of my clothes and go to sleep.