Some Kind Of Beautiful (BxB)

7|Some Kind of Bombshell

"Around the time my mom became sick my parents spent so much time at the hospital that I had to stay with my grandma. She was nice, worked me to death but nice. It was nice for a while until my uncle started sleeping in the guest room with me." I paused for a breath and to collect my thoughts.

I didn't know what I was going to say or how to say it but I knew he needed to hear it. "At first it was innocent. He slept on a twin bed and I slept on the other. One night he..he uh crawled into bed with me. I woke up and he covered my eyes and told me to go back to sleep but I..." my voice shook.

Daniel squeezed my hands. "Oliver you don't have to tell me." I didn't have to look in his eyes to know how he felt, I could hear the anguish in his tone.

"I have to tell you, Daniel, because I like you back and I don't want anymore secrets. So please just let me say this." I demanded. "Because I owe this to myself." I whispered once more.

There was a moment of silence and used that moment to figure out what to say. "He did things to me, Daniel, and I couldn't do anything to stop him. I thought it was over but then he started offering to watch me directly and my dad was all for it...It went on for months and I never said a word to anyone about it. Not until now." I said, still unable to look at him.

"It's easier to deal with now. I don't see flashes of him in my mind every time I close my eyes nor does it play on a loop in my dreams, it's not like that in real life. It's worse in real life because it eats at you in ways you can't imagine, ways you don't even notice until after. Like before it happened I never used to notice when people brushed past me in the hall.

But after I could feel my skin crawl every time someone touched me or every time someone got too close. Then I noticed how my breath hitches in my throat every time someone looks at me for too long. The worst part, though, is that these are just the things that I do notice. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling his hands on me.

I don't see flashes of him and I don't remember what he did to me and frankly I'm glad I don't. But I remember how it felt. I remember how much it hurt and how helpless I was to stop him. I remember not being able to look my father in the eye anymore because he didn't see it. I remember starving myself because I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed. I remember blaming myself for letting it happen...

I..I wanted to get over it and I used to read all of those bullshit generic quotes about things getting better. I waited and I waited but it still haunted me, it still does. But now I know that it's not something you can just get over, it's something I have to work on. Something that was forced on me that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life."

By the end of my impromptu monologue my throat felt swollen shut and I blinked back tears so rapidly my head was spinning. There was another silence but I still couldn't look him in the eye, no matter how much time had passed. "Oliver look at me." He said.

I didn't listen. "Ollie please look at me." When I finally looked up into his eyes I felt every ounce of my resolve quake. He looked hurt and that hurt me even more because I never wanted him to look at me that way, the way I saw myself for so long.

Tears began to spill from my eyes in a slow but consistent stream. I blinked as he released one of my hands and stroked a few tears away. "Oliver I am so sorry that happened to you. I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away. I'm sorry that you had to carry that for such a long time on your own. Last but not least I pray that you know it's not your fault, none of it, okay?" He moved closer to me on the bed and wrapped his arm around me.