Lost Love

Chapter 17: Catalaya's POV

"Aight Cat lets get you in the shower." Justin says as he opens the glass door and helps me sit on the bench. I sit down and wait for him as he takes off his shirt, shorts and socks. He leaves his boxers on and enters the shower. He puts some body wash on my loofa and then begins to wash my legs. I sigh and slowly begin to re-live everything from the kidnap to Austin beating the shit out of me to meeting Justin to running away from Louisiana and then the car crash. I think about the loss of my children and that's when I feel his arms around my back bringing me into a hug. I hadn't realized that tears were streaming down my cheeks until Jay begins wiping them away. A few minutes go by before I try to get out of his hug.

"I don't wanna be here anymore." I whisper.

"What you say?"

"I don't wanna be here anymore!" I scream as I try to get outta his hold. "I don't wanna be here anymore! Let me go!"

"Cat calm down baby girl."
"Get the fuck off of me! I don't wanna be here no more! Leave me the fuck alone! Just please!" I scream and begin to cry harder. " I just...I just wanna leave. I don't wanna be here no more please. Please let me leave." I say as Jay holds me tight against him.

"Please just let me go. Please." I hiccup and sniffle. "I don't wanna be here. I can't do this anymore." I continue to cry and say these things for a while. Justin just stands there and continues to hold me. He loves me still even after everything but I don't want it anymore. I just wanna leave. I have nothing left to give I don't even wanna teach anymore. Soon I stop talking and silent tears continue to stream down my face. Minutes go by as we stand in the shower with the water still beating on our skin.

"Please don't go baby girl. I still love you. I still need you in my life."

"You don't need me. How could you need someone who is so broken and inso much pain?" I sniffle.

"Because I know there's something inside you that is still holding on. There's still that love there. There's still that kindness inside you and that willingness to love and live and I'm gonna work with you to pull them things back out. I don't give a fuck what your doctors say or anyone else for that matter. You're still my woman and I ain't goin nowhere and you aren't finna go no where either. And when you're ready we can get back to being physical but for now I'll keep it to hugs and occasional forehead kisses. Is that aight with you baby girl?" I sigh and sniffle.

Why does he still care? I wish he would just let me leave this planet I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm tired and weak. I don't have energy or motivation for this.

"Baby I love you ok." He says titling my head up to look at him, "We can get through this. You can do this baby girl don't give up just yet." I nod and sniffle. He hugs me and kisses my forehead. "Aight let me finish washing your body and then we can go eat."
"Ok." I say as he begins to wash my back. I do love him I just can't express that right now. I sigh and let him continue to wash my body.

Once we're done he dries me off and wraps me in an oversized towel before drying himself off. He wraps the towel around his waist and takes off his boxers. And hangs them on the shower door. Then he gets the bandage kit and ointment and helps me back to my room. He sits me on the chair near my bed and begins taking out the bandage and ointment.

"Marcus!"
Marcus opens the door and peaks his head in.

"What's up? Everything ok?"

"Yea. Can you take the sheets off the bed?"

"Damn. You had nightmares again Cat?" I nod and then look down. "It's aight. Ok? We got you."

"I'm sorry." I say as tears begin to flow down my cheeks again.

"Aye stop that. You know it's ok. We here because we love you and we only tryna make sure that you get better."

I begin to cry harder and I bury my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry." I cry harder, I feel them engulf me in a hug and they kiss my cheeks and continue to tell me that it's gonna be ok. I continue to cry and they continue to hug me. This goes on for a good 10 minutes until I'm finally able to calm down. Once I'm calm they kiss me on my cheeks and stare at me.

"You good now baby girl?" I nod. "You wanna go lay in my bed once I put your ointment and bandage on?" I nod.

"Aight."

"I'll bring you some food to eat once I finish making your bed ok?" I nod as Marcus gets up and begins to make his way towards my bed. Once Justin lotions my body and then puts the ointment and bandages on he helps me get dressed. Then he walks me to his room and helps me into his bed. He then goes into his bathroom as I get comfortable and close my eyes ready to go back to sleep. A few minutes go by before I feel Justin sit on the bed before wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me into him and rests his head on top of mine and for the first time in a while I feel safe. I soon drift off to sleep tired from all of the screaming and crying.