The Masks we Hide Behind || Peter Parker [1]

thirty-three: speechless

I sit, and I cry.

"I need you, Dad," I whisper, because it's all I can get out. God. I need him. I need my dad. I need my dad. I need my dad.

Unfortunately, I hear Lucas step into the front door. I've never gotten up from my bed so fast, only to close my bedroom door.

"Mads?" I hear Lucas call. I don't answer, I just slowly sit back on my bed. I hear his footsteps approach my bedroom door, and he knocks softly on the door. I don't answer, and I don't stop him from entering when he does. His eyes widen when he sees me.

"Hey," He says gently, rushing over and sitting next to me on my bed. He opens his arm and I crash into him, burying my face into his chest. He sets his hand on my back and softly rubs up and down. I starting weeping again. Lucas doesn't say anything, he just holds me, he just listens. Sometimes his hand briefly strokes my hair but then returns to my back.

I start trying to calm myself down, and I open my mouth to inhale and exhale deeply. Soon, the tears pause themselves.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Lucas asks softly. I sit up and rub at my eyes. I'm a mess, I know it. My hair is tangled and my eyes are puffy, and hot tears try and leave nothing but stickiness on my cheeks.

"I miss Dad." I say simply, but it's so much more. The way my voice cracks and the way I shut my eyes, and the look I receive from Lucas. The look of empathy, the look of sadness...it shows that he just feels the exact same way.

"I do, too." He whispers. I spot his lip start to tremble, and this time I'm the one who opens their arms. He lets himself fall into me, and we wrap our arms right around each other. We scoot close, and my head rests in the crook of his neck, his on mine as well. We both start to cry, and Lucas doesn't usually cry.

"I couldn't save him, Lucas. I tried but I couldn't save him." I mumble. He pulls away briskly and sets his hands firmly on my shoulders, looking me dead in the eyes. Tears fill his own, and they spill down onto his perfect, clear cheeks.

"Don't say that." He says evenly, despite the tears.

"Lucas, it's true. You weren't there, you didn't see it happen, it's-"

"I don't need to see it happen. You tried, Mads, I know you did. Hell, he's our dad. I know you did everything you could to try and save him." He continues.

"But it wasn't enough," I whisper and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Madelyn-" He starts, but stops himself. I takes in a deep breath. "tell me everything."

"What?" I ask weakly.

"The night it happened. When Dad died."

It grows quiet.

I inhale a deep breath.

"So, I was out that night, and it was late and dark, and I spotted the Avalanche guy and Dad. Dad was in his suit and he was leaving work and heading for his car, I'm assuming he was coming home, like usual. I froze when I saw Avalanche spot him, and I didn't know what to do. Avalanche finally approached him and I swung down and began to do my thing, and, god, Lucas...he threw me across the street, and it hurt so bad, I can't even describe it...he had one end of the web and I had the other, you know, and he just yanked it and I went flying..." Tears blur my vision and it's almost like I can feel the pounding again.

I continue telling Lucas everything I remember, which is pretty much everything. I finally get to the part when I found Dad in his car. "And when I got there, his car was totaled, and he was in the front seat, and-" I stop as my voice cracks and I take a deep breath. Lucas laces his fingers in between mine, and I grip his hand tight.

"The windshield had fallen in, you know, like this rock or something had fallen down on it, I don't know, but there was blood everywhere, and thank god his eyes were shut...his body was just limp and it was still warm, and I literally pulled him out of the front seat and sat him down on the pavement..." I'm whispering by now, and the tears don't stop coming.

"And then I lost it with the Avalanche dude, but he threw me across the street like a rag doll, and I just kept hitting my head, and he left me there, and I passed out in the middle of the street..." I trail off and sniff.

"Where did you wake up?" Lucas asks, his voice even. I can't even describe the sadness in his eyes, it's unbearable.

Might as well just tell him the truth. "On a rooftop, with the Spider-Man."

"What?!"

"Yeah. He found me and basically rescued me. It was bad, Lucas, everything was bloody...he took me to that rooftop and, I guess I'd been out for like an hour. He went to a shop down the street and got water and band-aids and ointment and all of this crap, and he rolled up the legs of my suit and took off my gloves and cleaned it all up. I can't thank him enough."

"Damn, Mads." Lucas murmurs.

"I know. It was nice." I sniff. It's quiet.

"You did everything you could. You tried so hard, I know you did. I'm sorry for what I said when I first found out you were the Spider-Woman." He says quietly.

"What?"

"The stuff about Dad."

"Oh. It's okay." I murmur quietly.

"It's not. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, and I had no place to say that. I wasn't there, and I'm not you." He adds.

"Thank you," I half-chuckle. I glance down at my phone as it starts to vibrate, watching as Peter's adorable contact photo covers my screen. He's calling me.

"Ooh, that must be very important." Lucas smirks and reaches up to wipe his nose. He sniffs and laughs, shutting his eyes briefly.

"Shut up," I say, sounding stuffy and removing my hand from his and hitting him playfully.

"Tell me about Peter." he laughs.

"What?"

"Seriously. I want to know."

"Well, he's my best friend. Nothing more." I say bluntly.

"Bullshit." Lucas smirks. I roll my eyes.

"You gonna take that, or...?" Lucas trails off. I shake my head.

"No, I'll call him later." I answer. It's quiet again. I watch as Lucas opens his arms once more, and I crash into them again.

"Don't let go." I murmur.

"Never." Lucas mumbles.

Another notification pops up on my phone. I don't check it.

~~~

The sun has been down for a good two hours or so, and I've finished my homework and have been staring at the same notification on my phone for a good eight minutes or so. Peter has left me a voicemail, which was very unusual. He never leaves voicemails, so I'm very nervous to listen to it.

I stare at it for a moment longer before finally unlocking my phone and listening to it.

"Hey, Mads, it's Peter. Obviously. I'm not good at this stupid voicemail thing. But, uhh," my eyebrows furrow slightly as I listen to his voice.

He sounds...sad.

"we agreed to study at the library tonight, and I've been here for awhile now, and you didn't show, so...yeah. I'm packing up now, but if you still wanna study tonight, let me know, and we can, I guess...please text me back, or call me, or something. We're all kind of worried about you." The voicemail ends, and I'm speechless.

Good god. What have I done?