Winter's Widow

Chapter 116: Lonely Missions

His position now is slightly threatening. He's sitting up while I'm pinned laying on the bed. He has dark vibes radiating off of him. 

"Bucky, a-are you ok...?" I don't hide my tension.

"Wrong name. Where's that name I love so much...?" His expression doesn't change.

"James?" I smirk lightly.

"That's it." I see a sparkle of lust in his eyes, though the rest of his face remains emotionless.

"But, are you sure you're ok? You're acting funny..."

"I miss you. A lot. Let me see you..." He starts pulling my shirt off me.

I let my shirt slide off my arms.

"There. Your turn." I cock my head and tug at his shirt.

He swiftly pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it to the side eagerly.

"I miss you. I really do. It's so nice to see you again..." He leans down and buries his face in my chest.

"You saw me yesterday morning..." I smile lightly.

"I miss the way you feel. The way you taste. Your walk and talk..."

I run my fingers through his hair and he purrs in delight.

"I missed you too Barnes."

"That's not my name, dolly..."

"James." I correct myself.

"At your service."

"I really like you."

"Hmmmmmm. That's what I like to hear." He purrs.

These damn hickeys are getting ridiculous. I still have two from the day before yesterday. I guess here's three.

"And, um..." I hear his attentive silence, awaiting my instruction. "You're really heavy."

"Mmmmm. Sorry."

He rolls over and off of me, and it feels like I can breathe again. I close my eyes and take in the much needed oxygen. I feel him sadly tugging at my shorts. I hum in amusement at his eagerness. I open my eyes and hop off the bed. I feel his eyes on me, so I turn around to met his gaze.

"Where are you going?" His voice is monotone, and his intense gaze burns into me.

"Nowhere. Crime to stand?"

He sits up and his gaze fixes on my shorts. He stares at them with utmost hatred. And amused smile forms on my face. He tugs them down quickly and harshly. His hand finds my hips. He looks up at me, and I only see desire flooding his eyes. I step closer, but he gives me no time. He pulls me to him and I fall on the bed next to him. He lays back with me and inches closer. He presses his forehead to my chest and lets his hands wander my body. I softly clutch his dog tags in my hand. My other hand tangles through his hair.

Suddenly, I get this feeling. A dreadful feeling. I'm a killer. A murderer. But I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. They made me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I pull my hand away from him. I clench my fists, trapping his dog tags in one hand. I stare straight ahead at nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't want to. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. They made me do it. I'm sorry.

"Natalia."

I've killed people. I've killed people with such ease that it's scary. Terrifying. What if I hurt them? What if I hurt my friends? What if I hurt him? What if I accidentally hurt someone? Then what? I can't. I don't want to hurt anyone.

"Natalia."

What would they think of me? Will they call me a monster? Will they leave me? What if I accidentally kill someone? What would they do to me?

"Natalia!"

He breaks my empty gaze and I snap back to reality. I release his tags from my iron grasp. I sit up with a jolt and look around the room frantically. I feel his cold hand on my cheek. I swat him away and move away from him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He seems pretty calm.

I look at him with alarm. He sits up too and tries to approach me. I frantically back away.

"What happened?" He gets closer again.

When I try to back away again, he grabs my wrist with his left hand.

"Stop. What's wrong."

"I... I-I don't wanna hurt you."

"You're not gonna hurt me."

"I could."

"You wont."

"You don't know that. I could."

"I know you could, but you wont."

"You don't know that!"

"I trust you."

"...A lot of people trust me. Then guess what happens...?"

He freezes.

"...W-what if I snap?"

He suddenly embraces me in a hug. At first I try to fight back, but he doesn't budge. He stays tightly latched onto me.

"Buck, I'll snap-"

"No you wont. If I thought you were unstable, I'd be a little more careful, don't you think?"

He slowly and carefully lays us back on the pillows.

"I can tell you're tired. It's 10 o clock. Go to sleep."

With a heavy sigh, I accept the fact that he's right.

"...Fine. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

I try to pull away, but he doesn't let go of me.

"See me tomorrow? Who said I was leaving? I still miss you."

"Again, I'm dangerous."

"So am I. Go to sleep."

 He stands up and turns off the light. I sigh and reach in my bedside drawer as he climbs back in bed with me. I pull out the cuffs and before I can lock myself, I feel him snatch the cuffs away.

"No, that's too far. I need them, James."

It's dark, so I can't really see. But I hear the sounds of my cuffs being thrown across the room and hitting the wall.

"No. You have me. Go to sleep."

He locks his left hand around my wrist and his right arm goes over me protectively.

"James, I-"

"Go. To. Sleep. This is not up for discussion." His voice goes deep and intense, just to show he's not in the mood.

He pulls me closer. I just now realize how exhausted I am. I close my eyes and take in his warmth. I'm cold, so it's nice that he's here. I inch closer to him, and he gets the idea. He tightens his arm over me. I feel him soothingly rubbing my back.

"Relax, Natalia."

With hesitation, I relax my muscles and finally let sleep consume me.