Man - y.kh

twenty.

"He is not the damn Sun and you don't fucking revolve around him..."

That sentence was strong within my soul. I promised myself that if I fell in love, I wouldn't constantly put my lover's needs above mine. I spent so much of my life catering to everyone else's need. I swore to myself that I wouldn't put myself lower anymore. Hyungwon came down to the kitchen again, going to the refrigerator. "He needs a Coke." I looked up from my phone a bit, keeping quiet. He looked at me, concerned. "What's wrong?"

I looked back down at my phone, melting into tears. "I'm scared, Hyungwon." I sniffled as I rose up again. "We're going too fast, and I don't have any control still. I can't figure out what it is I want." He came over to hug me, trying to calm me down.

"If it's about what I said... Ki, we don't have to think about that at all." Hyungwon took my hand. "I was just curious. And, you can still do your transition and we can have kids later." Something didn't feel right. His words suddenly made me want to try this again. We've never successfully done anything. I wanted to, so bad now.

I found myself holding onto Hyungwon, arms and legs wrapped around him. We sat in a heated makeout session for a while. "Wait," I whispered, jumping down. I grabbed the Coke from the counter and walked upstairs to give it to Jooheon.

Jooheon smiled softly as he took the Coke. "Am I gonna wanna put my music on?" He asked, jokingly.

"I mean, you could," I laughed a bit, closing the door. "Hyungwon," I called. I went to our room, standing by the door.

Hyungwon came upstairs, smirking softly. "You never fail to amaze me, Kihyun." The door shut, my back against it.

We stayed there, kissing deeply. Hyungwon's body grinding up against me. Then, a phone rang out. Hyungwon's phone. Hyungwon groaned, pulling his phone out. "Ugh." He hung up, throwing his phone on the bed before picking me up and spinning me to the bed. I squealed a bit, holding onto his body. Then his phone rang again. This time I reached for it and I felt him tense up.

"Hello?" I asked, very irritated.

It was silent for a second. "Who is this?" A female's voice. "Where's Hyungwon, I need to fucking talk to him."

My jaw dropped softly, my eyes lingering toward his face. Hyungwon held his head down, shifting away from me. "He's about to get into a fucking fight. Who is this?" Hyungwon grabbed his phone from me, hanging up. "Who was that?" I asked.

"Some crazy bitch I used to date." He said. "That's all."

Again, this didn't feel right. "You're lying to me." I sat up, leaning against the headboard.

"Okay," Hyungwon sighed. I raised an eyebrow at him. "It's still some crazy bitch I used to date... But there's more." He was pissing me off so much.

I glared at him, clenched jaw. "Lemme take a wild fucking guess. You knocked her up and left her?" Hyungwon's face fell slightly, causing my jaw to drop again. "Are you fucking kidding me, Hyungwon?" I screamed, standing up. "And you're over here preaching about how you want a kid, this, that and the other, you got a whole ass baby somewhere? What, did you just want sex from me?" I felt betrayed. Irritated beyond belief. Hyungwon was quiet and it took all my strength to not haul off and slap him. "You know, I was actually willing, Hyungwon. I was actually willing and oh so very turned on." I scoffed, grabbing my shoes and a jacket. "I can get it elsewhere though, from someone I can trust completely."

Hyungwon stood up, following me. "Where are you going?" He asked, clearly upset as well.

I turned on my heel, to come face to face with him. "Don't you have a fucking kid you need to take care of?" I headed to the kitchen, grabbing my phone. Letting the door slam behind me, I ran out, going to the nearest bus stop. Standing alone, I began to cry. I knew being with him was too good to be true.

My phone rang out and I answered quickly. "Where are you?"

I sniffled, looking back toward my house. "A few blocks away from home," I mumbled.

Changkyun sighed, turning his signal on. I looked up to see his car turning onto my street. I hung up, meeting him. "What's going on?" Changkyun asked, holding my hand.

I shook my head. "I don't trust him anymore. I need space. And whenever I come back... He needs to get the fuck out of my house. I'll get a job, pay the bills, do everything I have to do to keep shit together. Start my hormones... I don't fucking need his help."

Changkyun started driving to the other side of town. "What do you need?" He asked coming to a stop.

I shrugged. "My best friend..." I looked out the window, tears falling so fast. Changkyun rubbed my back as I cried. My chest hurt. Everything hurt. And I thought I couldn't be hurt again.