She's a Challenge | 5sos AU

The Reason

"Don't do this to me, Ashton." I yelled. "You don't get to do this."

"Why not?"

I turned around and charged towards him. "You don't get to feel sorry for yourself," I pointed a finger at him and he started to back away. "You don't get to feel miserable, you don't get to make me feel horrible about this . . . "

He grabbed my wrist. "I don't have a choice to feel like this, Lola. I live with this guilt everyday. I fucked up, I know I did. I lost the most important person in my life because I was being stupid and wanted to kiss you. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty."

I pulled my wrist away. "I heard it before and I'm not going to listen to it again. I get it, it was because of a stupid almost kiss."

"It wasn't just that." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Just please give me a chance to explain everything."

"You had your chance, you had five fucken years but you blew them. Every year you took waiting to apologize, you pushed me away. You pushed me ten miles further for every year you took."

"L, please."

"Don't call me that!" I yelled. My breathing started to speed up and my eyes were clouding. "I'm not L anymore. You ruined her, you ruined me."

"I know." He said softly.

"You know what I hate the most about it? It's that I actually liked you, Ashton, specifically in that way." I wiped the damn tears that didn't want to stop. "You ruined a lot for me, you ruined my thought of love, of being happy, everything I'm the opposite of today. I don't even want to fall in love anymore."

"Seems like you do." He muttered.

"If I had the chance, I wouldn't want to because I don't want to repeat what happened five years ago." I shook my head. "I don't want to be heartbroken again."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Seems like you did when you told people that I was a freak who obsesses over corpses." I spat out

"I was young and stupid. I just didn't like the rejection."

I shook my head and walked to the curb. I sat down and his. I needed a break, a break from crying, drama, everything. I never wanted to tell him that, the truth that I actually liked him in that way, but it just came out. He wasn't suppose to be doing this to me, he's not suppose to make me the guilty one.

"Heart," I looked up and saw people disperse into the parking lot. "You okay?"

I turned around and saw Luke. I sighed in relief and went up to hug him. "Is it always going to be like this?" I mumbled.

He pulled away and held me by the waist, looking me in the eye. "We can call off the deal if you want?"

I shook my head. "No, if coming here and repeating this every week keeps you from drinking, then I'll go through it."

He smiled. "You surprise me more and more each day."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut it."

"Let's go, I have to go pick up Calum before I drop you home."

I nodded and walked with him to he car, hand in hand. We sat there for awhile, I know he wants to talk about what happened but he doesn't want to push me.

"I just got some things off my chest." I said breaking the silence.

"Okay," He finally started the car and turned up the radio. I smiled when he patted on the steering wheel.