Harry Potter One Shots

Full Moon

"Lily?" he prompted, taking another rather disgusting gulp from his glass.

"Hmm?"

Casey put a cautious hand on hers, where it lay on her lap.

"What's going on?"

Lily put down her untouched glass on the coffee table with a bang, and turned her hand to clutch his.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" she said, like they were kids in a playground.

He squeezed her hand reassuringly and nodded.

"I promise."

"I think I'm relapsing," she whispered, and she met his eyes. Hers were dark, and they somehow appeared different to their usual deep brown. It was as though she was looking inside him, trying to find... something. A solution to whatever this was.

"What do you mean?" he said, trying to keep his voice calm. His first thought when he heard the word relapsing was of broken bottles and amber liquid staining sheets. Of stale vomit and the heaviness of his feet as he, at seven years old, walked himself to school. But Lily wasn't drinking. He hadn't tasted anything on her lips other than her usual lipgloss.

"A few years ago," she said, tracing lines on the back of his hand with her long white fingers, "I developed an eating disorder. My brother was the first one to notice. Albus. He threatened to tell mum if I didn't do something about it myself. So, I did. I told my manager, Nina, who had to tell my parents. I was only fifteen." Casey's hand felt numb. He could no longer feel the brush of Lily's fingers against his skin. When he looked down at them, he suddenly realised how thin they were. Bonelike. Lily took a shuddering breath, and continued. "My dad panicked. He drove me to hospital the first time I fainted. Mum stayed with me the entire night I was there, while they ran all these tests and gave a name to what I was doing to myself." She looked at Casey here, and he knew she was asking if he could guess what that name was, because she couldn't bring herself to say it aloud. He was sure it was pinging around inside her head though, like it had the night she'd been diagnosed.

"James was in America at the time, touring his book, but he flew back the day he heard. It was very sweet, actually. He cried a lot. Almost as much as dad did. I think Nina cried more than both of them combined, though she'd never admit it. Albus was the only one who held it together. I wanted someone there for my first therapy session. I had to see a psychologist for almost a year, which was difficult at first... but it helped. Anyway, Albus sat there and listened, and left whenever I had a breakdown, which was much more often than you'd think." Unable to bear just watching Lily talk about this, he pulled her into his chest, careful not to hold her too tightly, so she could pull away if she wanted. But she buried her face in his jumper and when he kissed the top of her head, she pressed her lips to his chest.

"I'm sorry if this is all too much. I just... thought you deserved to know."

He kissed her head again and kept his mouth against her hair.

"Thank you, for telling me."

"You can't tell anyone. Nina already knows, but she won't say anything to my parents as long as I eat lunch with her tomorrow. Which I will," she said determinedly.

She sounded so strong that he almost second-guessed what he'd been thinking from the moment she made him promise not to tell.

"Lily." He kissed her head again. "You know you have to tell someone. How about Albus? He's an adult, at least. He can help you, like he did before."

He waited nervously for what she'd say next.

"You don't know what it's like," she said sharply. "I want to prove to everyone - to myself - that I can fix this; fix me, for once."

Casey didn't know what to say. He'd thought the exact same thing when his mum was sick. Why couldn't she have just put down the bottle, gone for a walk instead, played with him? But it wasn't that easy, because she was in so deep she was stuck. And there comes a point where the quicksand won't let you go until someone else rescues you from it.

"But I know that I can't do that, because it's just getting worse. And my mum- she'd be so angry at herself for not noticing. I have to tell her." Silent tears were cursing down her cheeks.

Casey sat there miserably, holding her, as she told him the rest of her story.

It had taken nearly a year of therapy, with Lily bringing everything back to the beginning several times, though never intentionally, before she was okay again. Before she was allowed to go back to modelling. And now here she was, two years later, back to starving herself and hating herself.

"Hey," he said, stroking her hair lightly and smiling weakly. "At least this time, you told someone. And you're going to tell your mum. That's a big thing, Lily. You should be proud."

In response, Lily turned her face into his hand, and kissed his palm softly.

"There's one thing I haven't told you."

Lily looked down, and shame was on her face for the first time, because even though she'd been scared, upset, and broken while telling her story, not once had she seemed ashamed of what she'd been through.

Casey waited patiently while Lily kneaded his hand with nervous fingers and gnawed at her lip anxiously. "I'm scared of going to hospital. I'm scared it'll get so bad I'll be put in a psych ward."

He was about to interrupt, but she went on.

"Not because there's anything wrong with psych wards, but James was in one for a while after he went through chemo, and I visited him and... it was so hard seeing him like that. You didn't see him, Casey. You've only seen him on the back of his books, looking all professional, or in person, being a dickhead." She laughed briefly before her smile fell abruptly to the floor. "You didn't see him in that bed, with all those tubes, talking to psychs every day about how he was doing "emotionally" and if he'd been having any "thoughts". Hospitals are for broken people, Casey. I don't want to be broken."

"Hospitals are for fixingbroken people, Lily," he said gently, and kissed the top of her head. "You wouldn't call James broken anymore, would you?"

Lily shook her head, a small smile settling on her lips.

"Hopefully you'll never need to go to hospital, Lily. But if you do, it'll be okay, and just because you're broken, it doesn't mean you're any less whole. You're still you, Lily. You're still you."

Lily took a shuddering breath and wound her arms around his middle.

"I'm glad I told you. Even though you broke your promise," she said, with a shadow of a grin.

He laughed, then, though he didn't mean to. It was a laugh of relief, mostly, but also wonder at the incredible young woman in front of him. 

a/n

if anyone has personal experience with an ED and finds this offensive or inaccurate don't hesitate to message me about it, i'll 100% take it down or edit it if necessary. 

love, 

Cate xox

p.s 

1. why do i always have p.s's?

2. people probably think this mini duology thingo is about Remus or at least werewolves but NOPE