A Way Back - The Maze Runner (♡Newt) UNDER EDITING/REWRITE

Chapter 77

After a few hours of making improvised weapons and handing them out to the Gladers that would come with, it was time for dinner. Minho, Ezra, Newt, Bark, and I had been sitting by a picnic table like we had done many times before. Talking about the past, the present, and what the future might bring. Bark didn't participate in the conversation, of course, but she was lying on the bench beside me, head on my leg.
     Chuck was sitting with Thomas and Teresa on the other side of the room. Even though we were trying to talk as optimistic as possible, the tension in the room was unescapable, no matter how much we wanted to ignore it. Not just at our table, but everywhere. In the entire Homestead there seemed to be this big cloud above all of us.
     Minho and Ezra were talking, I think, but I had zoned out a long time ago. I felt so oppressed. Everything was just too much, and here, inside with all the Gladers, made me almost feel claustrophobic. Not caring about the looks I got, I stood up from the table.
      "I'm going for a walk." I stated. Bark also got up from her lying position on my leg. Ezra and Minho fell silent, I could see they were both trying to decide if they should come with me or not.
     "I'm coming with." Newt was the one to speak up first. I shot a small smile at him as he got up from his chair, and we made our way out of the wooden building.
     Without really thinking about it, I took Newt's hand in mine. We didn't talk, but walked in a comfortable silence. We had about an hour before Newt and Alby would gather every single one of the Gladers and we would go inside the Maze. The more I thought about it, the more my stomach twisted around intself. Silly, how nervous the thought of entering the Maze made me now, while a few months ago, I basically begged to be a Runner. Then again, a lot of things had changed since then.
     Newt seemed to notice my tension and squeezed my hand, getting me to look at him. And again, Newt smiled at me, trying to seem reassuring, and it worked. I softly squeezed back, smiling at him as we subconsciously made our way into the Deadheads. As we walked deeper into the small forest, everything became darker. The lack of sunlight made this place look even more gloomy than it normally did.
      It didn't take long before we reached the darkest part, the Graveyard. Newt and I sat down against one of the fallen trees. At the same moment, Bark dropped one of the sticks in front of me, silently asking me to play with her. So I did. I picked up the stick, and we started playing fetch.
     "Have ya decided what to do with Bark yet?" Newt asked out of nowhere. His voice careful, knowing this question was about a sensitive subject.
     I looked at the dog, she was happily playing with the stick, no idea of what was about to happen in less than an hour.
     I shook my head, "I know she can't come with us. The Grievers would kill her in a matter of seconds. Besides, she never goes into the Maze, its like she's scared of it."
     "So? What will you do?"
     I took a deep breath, "I- I don't think I really have a choice in this. I've got to leave her behind..."My voice was soft, I knew that it was going to happen, I just never talked about it before. "Maybe it's for the best," I continued, trying to talk myself into it. "Most of us are going to die anyway."
     "Don't say that." Newt's voice was also soft, it was clear he didn't want to think about that, but I couldn't stop myself.
     "Why not? It's the truth. If we're going to have to fight the Grievers, we're dead. Even if it's true that they'll just take one of us like they did before, that doesn't mean that we're really going to get away through the Grieve hole."
     "Tommy said t-"
     "I know what he said!" I snapped at him, "but he also said that my life was a big simulation and that almost everyone I know and love were made up images inside of my head who don't even exist! So, how am I supposed to believe that what he saw wasn't fake as well?"
     Newt didn't react. We stared at each other for a moment, Newt frowning a little, seeming deep in thought. Realizing I snapped at him, again, I buried my face in my hands. "I'm sorry... I- I shouldn't have snapped. It's not your fault, it's just..." I didn't know what to say next, it was all just too much. 
     Newt wrapped his arm around my shoulders and lay his head on mine, "It's okay, Cals, I understand." I moved my hands from my face and looked at him. The moment I moved my head, Newt lifted his from mine, looking down at me as well.
     Our faces were much closer than I'd initially intended them to be. Even so, I did not move away. Nor did I move away when Newt reached out to me, fingers carefully caressing my skin as he brushed some hair behind my ear, softly using his thump to wipe away a stray tear that had made its way down my cheek without me even realizing at the same time. Completely unaware ones more about what those touches did to me.
     He smiled at me, but I couldn't bring myself to smile back. My thoughts flickered to Felix, together with a flash of guilt for wanting someone else to touch me, to kiss me... But what guarantee did I have that he even existed?
     I moved my own hand to take a gentle hold on the wrist of his hand that still rested against my cheek, not quite ready to feel him let go yet.
     Newt was here. He was real. Solid. Not just a faint memory from a life I never really lived.
     "Cally," Newt broke the silence, his tone was softer than before, still as serious, though. And yet... there was something heavier in it as well. "I can only imagine how confused ya must be after everythin', and I know you're scared. I mean, I am bloody terrified myself." He let out a nervous chuckle before he continued. "But you're not alone, good that? I'll be with you, no matter what. A- and I know ya don't really need me to be, but I-"
     I don't know what exactly came over me. But before I could even realize what I was doing, I placed my free hand on his cheek and pulled him closer to me, closing the short distance that still existed between us and connecting our lips in a kiss.
      It was a short kiss, though. Newt pulled back almost immediately. "Where did that come from?" He asked, eyes wide, the surprise clear in his voice.
     My face grew hot with embarrassment while my heartbeat rose, and not in a good way. Immediately, I completely let go of him, moving away to make sure we weren't touching anymore at all.
     "I'm so sorry," I said while getting up, the words streaming out of me like a waterfal. "I umm... I just thought- since there's a big chance we're going to die and you told me you're in love with me and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you too, but I didn't want to admit it because of Felix. But if I've to believe Thomas, he's most definitely not a real person, and I thought why stay loyal to somebody who doesn't exist! And even if there is a small chance that he is real, I definitely am never gonna see him again- Not that I- I mean, you are not-"
     "Wowwowow, Calls, hold up. Breath." Newt got up too. He walked to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, letting them slide down until he held both my hands in his, squeezing them. "I didn't get half of that." There was a hint of an amused chuckle in his voice. A bit of releave washed over me at the realization he wasn't mad at me, but I couldn't muster the courage to look him in the eyes again just yet.
     "I-" Newt hesitated. He let go of one of my hands to take my chin between his thump and index finger, softly moving my face until I had to look him in the eyes. "I- I'm sorry. I was surprised, that's all." I couldn't really read his expression, but his voice... gentle, vulnerable, longing. And yet, barely more than a whisper. "Could you... do that again? I won't pull away this time, I-" Newt cleared his throat, "please?"
     Oh fuck
     I didn't answer in words, I just brought my free hand to his cheek yet again, this time letting it move a little further, finding a bit more hold on the back of his head before pulling him down and colliding his lips with mine.
     As promised, he did not move away. And even though the kiss was a little stiff, I absolutely loved every bit of it.
     You know those movie kisses? Where the main characters kiss for the first time and there are fireworks lighting up the sky and there are butterflies and everything is just so romantic?
     This wasn't like that.
     It was better.
     It felt safe, familiar. As if we had done this many times before, and we were simply only now remembering how we used to do this. His lips were soft and warm as they moved with mine, and I felt a flutter of happiness inside of me as he pressed me even closer to him, his fingers on one hand entangling with the hair on the back of my head while his other arm had sneaked around my waist.
     When we pulled apart, I found myself slightly dazed. While Newt had a wide smile on his lips and a slight blush tinting his cheeks.
     "Ya have no bloody idea how long I've wanted to do that." A smile grew on my lips as well after hearing those words.
      "So... I'm allowed to do that again?" I asked, slightly teasing him by leaning forwards, lips almost touching. I could see Newt glance down at mine as I did, moving both hands to my cheeks this time before pulling me in for another kiss.
     "Most definitely," he mumbled against my lips, making me smile in our kiss. And, for a short moment, there weren't any Grievers or Maze or an escape plan. It was just us. Part of me wanted to just get lost in this moment and ignore the rest of the world. But that was wistful thinking.
     "You were wrong," Newt said once we had pulled apart again.
     I looked at him confused, my mind not able to follow. "I am that a lot..." I eventually said with a furrowed brow. "Which time are we talking about exactly?"
     A smirk came on Newt's face, "When you said I wouldn't want to be with you if I ever met another girl. You're still the only bloody girl I want."
     I couldn't help but laugh, "That was so cheesy." I stated, not being able to hide the wide grin on my face.
     "It's the truth." Newt said through his own laughter now as well.
     I looked down while I shook my head, laughing to myself.
     "What?" Newt questioned, trying to look me in the eyes. When I didn't answer, he asked again, "What?"
     When I looked up again, I reached up to brush some of his hair behind his ear. We locked eyes, the little light that fell between the branches of the trees making a streak of amber appear in his brown eyes, and I couldn't help the adoration in mine. "Nothing. I just... I'm happy we met. That's all."
     Newt leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes as he did so. "I'm really happy about that too."