Metà (COMPLETED)

2. My Heart is No Longer Mine

When I finally reached my mother after pushing my way through the crowd, I gently laid my hand onto her shoulder to get her to turn around.

"Zhara, spasir," she said before turning back and facing whoever she'd been talking to. " What have we told you about this? You wait until we're done talking," she said(T: wait). I walked around to see who she was addressing and I stared, mesmerized.

A smile spread across my face as I stared into my daughter's beautiful face. Her dark brown hair framed her round face and her long, dark lashes wrapped around her large blue eyes. She was wearing her new favorite striped blue and white top with ruffled shoulders, and some dark denim jeans. She played with her fingers and teetered on her toes from left to right. Seeing this dropped my smile just as fast as it came. Her large blue eyes were teary and her bottom lip quivered. She saw me and bowed her head thinking I'd yell at her too.

"Ugh mama, leave her alone," I proclaimed. I dropped down to my baby's eye level and held her face in my hands. "It's okay, ddum," (T: pumpkin). I held her in an embrace and squinted angrily at my mother.

"Yerekha, you can't baby her forever," she began. "She needs to learn now before she's too old and all her bad manners are engraved into her like ts'nts'vogh zhantakhty. How many times have we told her to wait and not interrupt? I had the same problem with your for seven years. You just always had to speak your mind first." (T: the fucking plague)

I ignored my mother and picked up my girl.

"Sofi, tatik is right. Remember what mommy told you? You don't interrupt someone unless..." I trailed off to let her finish. (T: grandma)

"Unless it's an emergency," she whispered. She played with the collar of my button down, avoiding eye contact. I put a finger under her chin and placed a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Good girl. Now what was so important that you had to interrupt tatik," I asked her gently. Sofi peered at me through her lashes and pointed to the bounce house shaped like a jail cell. I set her down and grabbed her small hand.

"Mommy! Let go! I can do it ink's indz," she exclaimed when she saw a group of kids run by without their parents clinging to them (T: myself). I'd become so paranoid lately that the thought of letting go of her, by herself, for more time than what was needed, damn near made me lose my mind. I slowly let her go with the urge of my mother's hand on the small of my back.

We followed Sofi closely and found a seat where I had a clear view of her and a little girl helping her get into the bounce house. She smiled as she tried to balance herself amongst the trembling. Sofi jumped around with the others before they all formed a jumping circle. She held hands with the little boy beside her and my heart skipped one too many beats at the sight.

That was supposed to be him.

I blinked away the tears that threatened to slip and my mom pulled me towards her and placed my head onto her shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you, yerekha, you know that, right," she began. I half-smiled, still fighting the surge of feelings bubbly just below the surface.

"I kn-know. You've told me everyday since...." I trailed off and bit my cheek, giving into the thought I was trying so desperately to push back.

Flashback

"AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH," I screamed. "Fuck!! Please! Oh my gosh please fucking make it stop! Make it sto-AAAAAGHHHHH." The paramedic taking my vitals had a sympathetic look plastered onto his face. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT," I yelled. What the hell was his problem. He was probably laughing in his head thinking "thank God I'm not a woman." My mom placed a hand on my chin and turned my head her way.