"Kelly I'm gonna warn you. I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm probably gonna wanna call Jay back. Under no circumstances can you allow that to happen."
She nodded, "I got you, now drink this," she said handing me a shot of vodka.
We each did a shot, and then a few more.
"Alright, driver's here, let's head out," Kelly said.
I nodded and then stood up, wobbling a little, "Ah shit," I said, laughing.
Kelly started laughing hysterically. This is always phase one of drunkyoncé: clumsy and laughing at everything.
"Think you can walk to the car okay?" Kelly asked.
"Shut up, I'm fine."
I took one last look in the mirror before we left out. I looked damn good, I ain't lost it. So good I almost hope the paparazzi gets some pictures of me so Jay can see that he let the baddest girl in the world get away.
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Of course Jay did not listen to me. He did not stop calling me.
I hit 'ignore' again as I sipped on my D'usse.
"Girl, put your phone away, let's go dance," Kelly said.
"Okay," I said, throwing back the rest of my drink, "Lemme go pee first."
"Okay, I'll meet you on the dance floor," Kelly said.
I stood up and damn near almost fell over. I was drinking way more than I normally would tonight to try to get my mind off of Jay, but with him continuing to blow up my phone, it wasn't helping much.
I made it to the quiet bathroom of the VIP section and once I made sure I was alone, I opened my phone to listen to the last voicemail Jay sent me.
"Bey, I know I don't have any right to be jealous or say anything to you, but....the thought of you being with other men kills me. There's no man out there who knows you or loves you like I do. We're supposed to be together. We're Bonnie and Clyde, ma. And I know that sounds corny as shit, but that's how I feel. Please just call me back, ok? I'm so sorry for everything. I still love you."
He sounded like he was about to cry. Good, I thought. I hung up the phone and dialed his number but it went to voicemail.
I sat down on the counter in the bathroom, something I would never do sober, thank God it looked like it was recently cleaned.
"Hi. It's your girl, B," I said before laughing hysterically. Drunk me thought I was the funniest bitch in the whole world. "Remember, you said that line back when we did Crazy In Love? Those were good fucking times, back when you weren't an unfaithful asshole."
"Anyway, stop calling me, I ain't picking up. I'm at the club and I ain't thinking 'bout you. I don't give a fuck what you have to say, you can suck on my balls, I've had enough," I said, continuing to laugh.
"I don't wanna call you, I don't wanna talk to you, I don't wanna see you. If I see you, the first thing Ima do is put my middle fingers up high, wave them in yo face and tell you boy BYE...You know what, that sounds like a hot song...," I said, getting distracted.
"But what was I saying?" I paused, trying to get back on track, but it was difficult with the way the room was spinning. "Oh yeah...anyway, now you wanna say you're sorry? Now you wanna call me crying? Well now you gotta see me wilding, now I'm the one that's lying and I don't feel bad about it. It's exactly what you get...now stop calling me. You interrupting my grinding and I ain't sorry and I ain't thinkin' bout you..."
I chuckled to myself at the irony. As I kept telling him that I wasn't thinking about him, the reality was that he was all I could think about for the past week, and the alcohol in my system was only making it worse.
Now I felt the tears coming on. Was I really about to be the crying girl drunk dialing her man in the club bathroom? I guess I was.
"Jay," I said through tears, "Do you know how it felt...looking at my watch at night, thinking about how you shoulda beenhome hours ago? Regretting the night we met....wondering where you were? Then when you came home you always had those fucking excuses. I spent so much time just praying that God would reveal what your truth was. All those times you would ignore my calls...and now you won't stop calling. It's like you only want me when I'm not there."
I sighed, "Look, I know I've been away but...I ain't fucking with nobody...You're still the only one I want, Jay....but now...fuck it, I'm coming over."
