Tom's Sky (¡A Tom Hiddleston fanfiction !)

#79

When i looked back inside, Tom was already next to me.

"Blimey!" I hissed, startled.

"Sky, look... i'm not sure what to feel about anything anymore, i never had to deal with this kind of feelings before... i'm not even sure who i am, but when i'm with you... everything makes sense and i feel like myself more than i have ever been"

"Tom, you don't know how good that sounds, how long i waited to hear that..."

"But..." he interrupts me.

"I don't think you can ever feel the same way that i do, you're just... scared that you might lose someone with this much feelings toward you, i think it's just guilt for not feeling the same, and i understand that..."

"Sky... it's not--"

"One day... one day you'll find that pairing soul, it will be a feeling beyond imagination, and you just can't help it but to adore them. You will feel your heart melt for this person, this beautiful soul will bring joy, laughter, calmness and so much inspiration, that you will finally see hope in front of you and for once... you can actually say: I'm in love, i can see a future with this person, i can share my life with this person, maybe this one is not a lesson, maybe this one is what they actually call a soulmate"

And i knew this... because i think i found my soulmate, but i wasn't destined to be his soulmate.

Was that?

"Tom, are you..." the word couldn't form in my mouth.

A tear fell from his cheek, shining against the dim light of the night.

"I'm so sorry, love, i'm really sorry" he gasped.

"No! No, no, no" i whispered, pulling him into my arms to hug this confused man.

He tightened his arms around me so strongly that it almost caused me pain, my feet almost lifting from the floor.

"It's gonna be okay, i'm not mad at you for anything, anything at all" i tried to sooth the tension.

I loved him in a way that i wasn't even aware i could love.

He could break my heart into tiny little pieces and i'd still pick them up and put them back in his hands.

"You loved me, you loved me and now there's just... nothing left, how could i do this to you? i'm a horrible person" he sobbed quietly in my shoulder.

"Don't say that, you are a wonderful person, one of the best i know, we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we hurt people, we make them happy, but what makes the difference is that we admit our mistakes and we try to make it right the next time, that's why you are going to find someone to love and you are going to make it right this time"

He shakes his head slightly, hugging me tighter.

I needed a closure, and i think this is it.

Finally giving up.

Accepting that he will never be mine, that he deserves to find someone to love like i loved him.

"I have to go back in there and finish the night, you should... you should go now" i said against his neck.

I heard him sniffing a few times, trying to recover his composure.

"You say i can't... i can't come back to see you?" He asked when he pulled away from my arms.

"I didn't say you can't... i said you shouldn't" i smiled at him, trying to make him feel less guilty.

I just wanted to kiss those soft and thin lips as i watched him smile slightly.

I reached his cheeks with my hands and caressed his long beard with my thumbs.

I just wanted to say to him that i still loved him... i loved him so much.

That nothing could ever change the way i feel about him.

No matter how angry, upset, sad, frustrated and devastated he made me feel.

No matter how painful it was.

I would still love him.

And i have lost the count of how many times i've said these words before... but i needed to say it one more time.

"So this is it, then? It can't be, there's things you need to know" he argues.

But if he hasn't told me anything by now, i don't know how long i should wait.

"I don't think we will ever be in a place where we both feel the same about each other"

"But I lo--" he started to say and my heart skipped a little, but i quickly pressed my hand over his lips to stop him.

"Please, don't, i don't want to hear you say anything out of pressure or desperation" i said, with tears in my eyes. "And you are desperate now because you are scared and confused, you can't say things like that in moments like this. Words have powers, Tom, and yours, of all people, are capable to affect me more than you will ever know"

"I never wanted to hurt you, i will never hurt you again, so i think it is better for me to go" he steps back.

"Goodbye, Tom" i smiled, kissing the corner of his lips, cautiously.

And no matter how many times i've heard him say my name, every time those three letters came out of his mouth, i still felt goosebumps in my whole body.

I've heard that little word in his lips with so many different tones and meanings.

And it always made me feel like if i belonged to him.

"Sky" he whispered, staying behind as i walked away from him one more time.