Urban Wolf | ✓

8 | MIND FOGS AND TRICKS

     The woman looked from child to child, knowing she couldn't stop them from crying. There wasn't much else to do, so she pulled up the hood of her coat and ran down the stairs before picking up Nylan and running into the shade of the night. Adyen had tried to follow but his legs were too small to climb down, so he just stood at the edge wailing his lungs until they tired and the door to the Women's Crisis Center opened.

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     "Fuck." Was the word that slipped out of my mouth when I jerked awake. My eyes darted from side to side, scanning my tiny room as I held onto my pounding chest.

     What the fuck was that dream? I asked myself, crawling out of bed before running my fingers through my curls. There was some noise from outside my room door. It seemed that lots of people were getting back from lectures. I had taken a nap right after getting back from class early in the afternoon, deciding the skip the rest of the day because of how badly my head hurt from overthinking about every and anything. I saw things I wasn't supposed to, and I remembered things lodged so deep in my memory that they shocked me when I recalled them.

     Who the fuck is Naylan? The question bounced in my head as my brows cocked into a frown. Since I went to the pizza place with Len I've been dreaming about my childhood a lot. A lot of my memories were from the orphanage and a few foster families I was shuffled into before I graduated high school and headed to Toronto for university. I started to look at my classmates differently too. I'd stare too long at people I thought just 'felt' weird for some reason. I couldn't pinpoint it. It was like my mind was trying to say something, but I didn't have any words or concepts to define what those pulls and draws were.

     Most of the dreams I've had in the past week involved real events, but this one I just had was of the confusing and didn't fit into any memory I remember myself holding.

     What if it's real, and I don't just remember it? I asked myself, taking a few steps back until I was sitting on my bed again. I hugged myself, wondering if such a vivid dream was real. I felt like I was looking into it and not a part of it—watching my own brain come up with my origin story. Was that how I was abandoned? I don't know. If it was why was I remembering it now? What triggered it? Probably all my overthinking.

     My phone buzzed on my study table across the room, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked over to it, getting up before approaching my desk and checking the push notifications. Len has tried to call me, and it took a while of jogging my mind to think up why he would be trying to reach me at four in the afternoon. My eyes went wide when I realized I had told him I would meet up with him at his place if he wanted just yesterday.

     "I've never been to your place," I said out of the blue as I sketched in my notebook.

     "Do you want to come tomorrow?" he asked me, looking at me over the textbook in his hands in the library. I simply nodded my head, feeling my face grow warm.

     I shook my head before sending him a quick message telling him I was on my way. I don't know what's been up with me, but my mind's been scrambled for a bit with memories and jargon. It seemed like I was floating in my own mind for the most part, and a lot of times small events would replay in my head like cassette tapes. One of the events, of course, was what happened in the pizzeria. The face of the biker would show up in my head a few times a day, and I would sometimes just stop in the middle of the road and stare out into nothing as I thought about him.

     It was a Wednesday, and It's been over a week since I went to the Pizzaria with Len. We've met up a few times to eat lunch together as well as time in the library working on school work. Len still hasn't opened up about much. He talked about his family from time to time, but the way he paused when he did, reminded me of myself a lot when I was trying to figure out what was too much to say, and what was just right. I tried my best to ignore it, telling myself that I would wait for him to say something to me first.

     The dream I had wasn't on my mind once I was got into active pilot mood trying to dress up quickly so I could make the four-thirty bus towards Len's apartment. He had messaged me the address yesterday, and he had made some jokes about his roommates as he walked me to the bus stop yesterday. I couldn't remember their names, but what I did know was that they were clowns.

     A chuckle left my lips as I closed my door behind me before locking it and heading down the stairs. Once I was out on the street and making my way to the bus stop my mind went to Len. A part of myself was frustrated with him, and a part of me was happy that we were getting along. We didn't do much together aside from share lunch and do homework, but I hoped him inviting me over meant that he was edging further.

     I still wasn't sure what we were doing.

     Yes, I know we made it clear to each other that we were more or less winging dating to see if we liked each other, but we didn't bring it up after that anymore, and we acted more like friends. It didn't frustrate me, but it confused me a bit. Len seemed like he liked me from the way his gaze would sit on me for a little too long, and how conscious he was about touching me. I wasn't sure if I liked him back, and that was the problem. If there weren't any strong feelings for him I couldn't explain why I felt a bit irritated by the fact that he might never try to take out relationship to the next level. I concluded that I would be down for a 'friends with benefits' type of situation, but it didn't seem Len was into any of that.

     Maybe I should kiss him and see what happens. I said in my head as I slouched on the bus seat. My face grew warm, and I buried the idea in my head before looking out the window. In a few minutes, I would be at Len's place, and I would get to see where he lived for the first time. I hummed, watching the scenery go by. An image of the biker from the weekend two weeks ago formed in my head. I wonder... I thought as a few flashes from my dream this afternoon siesta flashed through my head. The lady had said something about wolves. I wondered what that meant? It was probably my built-up paranoia piecing stuff up from the story Len was sharing with me.

     Werewolfs.

     Couldn't get any crazier.

     When it was time for me to get down from the bus I sent Len a text before looking for the apartment building he lived in. The neighborhood seemed tightly packed, with apartment buildings touching each other. The streets were laced with small stores, and I walked past a 7-eleven during my search. I walked around for a bit, finding the twenty-story space grey apartment complex I was looking for. A smile formed on my face when I spotted Len just outside the entrance with his hands in the pockets of his green hoodie. He was wearing jogging pants, and somehow his toes weren't freezing in the flipflops he was wearing.

     "Hey," he said as I got closer and stopped in front of him. We looked at each other for a while, and I felt compelled to take in his face. A voice in my head tried to tug me towards taking another step forward, but if I did that out noses would touch and our lips would be inches apart.

     I blinked, taking a step back when I realized how weird I was being. "Hey," I repeated, watching as he smiled before turning around to get us access into the apartment complex. "Sorry for being late," I said, and he just hugged, opening the door before walking in. I followed him, feeling my stomach churn with that confusing feeling in my head again. It felt emotional in a sense, but not like a crush. I knew what that felt like. This was different.

     Something in my stomach turned, and I took a deep breath. The confusing pull feeling I couldn't pinpoint was there again when I was alone with Len in the elevator. I tried to piece things together. The pull to Len was different but a bit similar to the weird compulsions to walk over people I've never met before on campus for the past week. Was there something about Len and every other person I've been hyper fixated on this week that was different or was my mind just playing tricks on me?