Taking the Risk

36-Truth Hurts, Realization Hits Harder-Jesse

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I didn't tell him about Petra. I didn't feel the need to. What would that do, burden him? There'd be no benefit for either of us.

And I admit, it's kind of relaxing listening to him talk.

But when I met up with him on the way to his house, he seemed down. Something off about his mood. Demeanor slightly shifted.

"Spill it." I finally exclaimed, sick of the silence. "You're too quiet."

Booke just looked at me for a second and chuckled softly, shaking his head.

"It's not that big of a deal, really. I tend to overthink a lot." Even I knew that was true, but still, it bothered me. I wanted to get my mind off Petra, to feel something else than loneliness for once. When he's like that though, sometimes I feel like he's not even with me.

Oh Notch look at me, I'm getting soft.

"What about?" I asked, a little too pushy. "If you want to tell...that is."

He rolled his shoulders and sighed, kicking away some soft leaves at our feet.

"It's just Gil. Ever since...you know what-" he said carefully, awaiting my response. I scratched the back of my head, a bit guilty. Yeah, that was my fault. "-he's been ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulder. It's still happening today, I've sort of, you know, gotten used to it, but still..."

He paused, exhaling once again. Gotten used to it? That's a lie. A lie I have to say I know very well.

"It's exhausting. I don't know what to do. I want to be friends with him again, really. He was the first person who made me feel welcome here. But I don't know how to when he won't say a word to me."

We walk in thought. I guess he's having friend problems too huh. The still atmosphere was beginning to make me uncomfortable.

"I think..." he perked up immediately, "well, I think you shouldn't force it."

"What do you mean?"

I shook my head, letting a stream of air out my nose.

"I know it seems like you're trying to fix things, but these types of situations take time. Sometimes it's good not to rush things, sometimes it's better to leave it be. Hey, if he's mad, he's mad. Sad to say, but no one can really change that, not even you Booke."

At first I was afraid he was offended in some way, the unsure look on his face almost made me sure of it. I mentally slapped myself. What am I? An advice guru?

"Jesse?"

"What?" I replied, a little to seriously. He broke into a smile.

"You're pretty good at giving advice, you know that?"

I found myself flustered, that was completely unexpected. I turned away in an attempt to hide my expression, shaking my head again.

"Cut it out with the flattery."

"It wasn't intentional." He shrugged, joking.

If someone told me a month ago that I'd be in the least bit of relations with this guy, I would've cursed them off. Look at me now, joking, laughing even, with him. Unbelievable, not exactly in a bad way.

And then, a memory. A reminder. I could see him trembling over my gaze, nervously stammering, stuttering, pleading. The look in his eyes. Absolute terror. Overwhelming fear.

I let that happen. For Notch's sake, I made that happen.

Another reminder that I didn't deserve this. That I didn't get to have this feeling bubbling at the surface, the one that everyone else seemed to gain so easily. The one that everyone takes for granted.

"You okay?" I blinked, retaining myself, hesitating a bit. We were right in front of his house.

"Worry about yourself for once, alright?" I elbowed him, rolling my eyes. His response was another laugh.

"Can't promise anything, but I'll see you tomorrow Jesse." He waved, and even after he shut the door behind him I stood there, waiting. For what exactly? I didn't want to go home.

I let the sun drape its afternoon-evening light, and standing there, quietly, I realized for the first time how much I hated the silence.

Bulky A/N incoming!

Hi guys! As always, I appreciate your support.

This chapter kinda hit me, I really like the original meaning and I was really trying to highlight Jesse's current state and character. I realize it is kinda choppy and a bit rushed, but I'm pretty happy with it, and I hope you guys enjoyed it too.

I'm still learning about character development and the flow of the plot, so please feel free to leave constructive criticism! :)

Like—am I too repetitive? Do I rush too much? How am I doing with this in general? I'd like to know your thoughts, that way I can make this book the best I can. I really can't tell how I'm doing. This is going to be a really long story (chapter wise) and I don't want to screw it up.

Anyways, see you guys in a few weeks with the next chapter! Please read my recent conversations tab as reason for my mini hiatus and my return. I will still be active just no updates :') bye for now!