"you have nice eyes" i blurt
she looks at me and blushes, "i don't really like my eye color but thanks"
"what why? brown eyes are beautiful" i state
"i'd rather have blue" she says
"well you'd still look beautiful with blue or brown colored eyes" i tell her and she smiles
she throws the towel away and washes her hands. i stand slowly and watch her through the mirror
"what?" she smiles
"n-nothing" i shrug my shoulders
she wipes her hands and walks out the bathrooms
gosh i think i'm starting to like her
i sit up and rub my eyes, i squint when a bright light comes into my room. i stand slowly and shut the window
"good morning"
i turn around and see emily, she's holding a lipgloss in her hand
"hey" i sit back on the bed and run my hand through my hair
"everything alright hun?" she ask while doing her makeup
"yes"
"okay, make sure you get ready early. chris is coming over to take some photos for the wedding" she says
fuck
the wedding is in 5 days. 5 days till i marry the girl in front of me
"you're marrying the wrong girl"
her voice replays in my head and my breathing goes uneven. i continue staring at emily, picturing kelsey instead of her
it's so fucked. i cheated on her, not once with kelsey but with so many other girls, before we got engaged
she's carrying my baby, i cant leave now. it's too late
i need to tell her the truth eventually and i will. i'm going to tell her, tonight.
she needs to know
i take a deep breath and try to think of how i'm going to tell her. what if she goes around and tells my entire family, people will think of me as such a terrible person
"babe?"
"what?" i raise my head
"go get ready" she says and i stand from the bed
i don't know what to wear to this photo shoot, i feel like i've been wearing a tux everyday now and i hate wearing tuxes
i quickly change into one while staring at emily doing her makeup, her baby bump is barely showing which means she can still fit in the wedding dress
i really am marrying the wrong women. fuck
i go into the bathroom and brush my teeth and start fixing my hair
what if i never went back to emily? what if i went back to kelsey, would i be marrying kelsey instead?
would i still be in love with her?
i really did force myself to move on from her, i was afraid that without her i would do stuff i would regret
i met up with emily after i read my journal just to catch up, we ended up hooking up and she moved back into my dorm
it was so wrong of me since it was only 2 months since i last saw kelsey and i promised her we would meet again
i was just mad at everything, especially myself for letting stuff happen. i hurt the girl i love the most and it still hurts me to this day
i forced myself into dating emily, i thought i felt love with her but it was all just lust
"chris is here!" she shouts before running out the room
+
after the 5 hour photo shoot, changing into different clothes and driving to different locations, emily and i are finally seated at a restaurant
our food was already ordered and she stares at her ring then at me, "5 days"
"i know"
"can you believe that joey? we've been together for 2 years and we're getting married in 5 days" she smiles
i need to tell her
"we need to talk" i breathe
"yes we do! you know my friend dani is back with her ex boyfriend? i cant believe she would ever go back to him" she rolls her eyes
"wow that really sucks"
"it does doesnt it? i cant believe it, even after he cheated on her all those times..." she quiets down and i furrow my brows
"are you okay?"
"yea it's just..." she touches her stomach, "my stomach hurt"
i nod slowly, "maybe the baby's kicking?"
my heart skips a beat, she's carrying my baby in her. i'm having a child and i'm going to start a life with her
i'm going to raise a kid with a woman that i'm not even in love with. i'm starting to rethink about telling her
i want to be there for my kid and i know if me and emily end things right now i will never see my child, she'll take the baby to a whole new country
she smiles down and rubs her belly, "i'm so ready for this joey, 5 more freaking days"
i take a drink from my water, "i-i know"
her smile is big and bright, "i- wow, i've been dreaming about this since i was a kid"
"really?"
"yes! i always wanted to start a family" her eyes focus on something behind me
i turn around and see kelsey and, what the fuck
i furrow my brows and watch them get seated a few booths down from emily and i
i look back at emily and she clears her throat before taking a sip of her water, "they're back together?"
