What We Seek

Part 12

(AN: Serious subject matter/trigger warning! This warning applies to the rest of the story as a whole so please don't continue if any hard subject hurt or upset you!)

"Richie?! What the absolute fuck are you doing here?!"

"Hey, Mikey...I...I..."

I started to involuntarily sob and weep at Mike and Bill's doorstep. I didn't mean to do it; my body folded as I sat down right there and cried while Mike rubbed my shoulder. Bill must have heard my unrestrained emotional breakdown because he ran over to us.

"Richie, what's wrong, man?! Why are you here?! Where's Eddie!? What happened to you guys?!?!"
"He went back to Myra."

Mike and Bill flinched and couldn't seem to understand it.

"Woah, there's no way. Richie, please don't tell us you expect us to believe that?"

"It's t-true."

"Why the hell would he choose her when he was going to New York with you to leave her?!"

"The...her...it..."

"It?! No. NO. NO!! It's not back. It's dead. We killed It!"

Mike had gotten upset by that point so I had to explain what I had been trying to avoid telling myself this entire time.

Mike, you really had to go and make me say it...you fucking jerk.

"M-Mike, It's dead. There's just someone more important that Eddie had to go back for."

"Okay, I need you to explain some things to us, Rich, but let's get off the floor and stop crying for now, okay? That's right...let's go to the living room and sit down and breathe. I'll get you some water, okay?"

My usual wit was absolutely gone; just like the note said 'goodbye,' it felt like he was gone. I sat with Mike, who just reminded me how to take deep, steady breaths. When Bill returned with three glasses of water, I took one slow drink before starting to tell my closest family why I was broken beyond repair.

"Eddie was gonna stay with me forever until she sent the divorce papers to him first. She didn't sign one page...it was a serious one, so...he went to find her. I knew that he would have to choose when he faced her again, so I made the choice for him."

"Eddie, you don't know that he would pick her! Why would you...?"
"Bill, fuck, I didn't want Eddie to have to choose between his wife and child and me, okay!?"

I just had to go and fucking say it. Now they know and he probably doesn't want them to. I'm such a fucking mistake.

"Oh shit...I'm...oh, Richie..."

"I...I don't know why I'm here. I have to go."

I stood up, realizing that I would only hurt Eddie more by staying with them; I'd say too much, they'd tell Ben and Bev, and then Eddie would find out I couldn't shut the fuck up.

"Woah, Richie, what?"

"Sorry to bother you two. Appreciate what you have, for my sake, okay? Bye."

"Richie!"

They were both trying to get up and stop me, but I ran out of their building, watching them run after me as the elevator doors closed. For the second time in fifteen hours, I was on the street trying to escape the mess I was and the messes I caused for Eddie. I ran trying to avoid being caught by the nagging idea that was in me. By the time I was too exhausted to continue, I just sat on a bridge over a nice river. I watched as the sun started to rise and as my mind rambled off things I could do to stop troubling everyone around me.