Living and Lying

Summer

It has not even been 24 hours yet here in Maldives, but I feel like I'm already failing my supposedly "renewed" life.

So as to not make my once upon a time very long, I'd like to start by telling everybody what has really been a problem of mine for over two years now.

Two years ago, I refused to get out of the house. I traveled and discovered countless things from different countries for four years; however, everything had come to halt.

It's... I couldn't think about it without having a panic attack or anxiety. But because I was much resilient than I thought, with a hand from a psychologist, I was able to get my mind around it after almost two years.

* * *

Two years before my senior years, my father always had programs. And due to our engineering company's international success, we found ourselves landing on different countries, together with Gandler and Whilde's corporations.

They were the corporations of those two whom I genuinely find dear to me. Samantha Whilde and Damien Gandler.

I traveled with my dad and got interested in a lot of things. I learned to love architecture and engineering more. It was lovely.

During my junior and senior years, I got in a science university as I was fascinated about everything existed and how everything could be perceived by scientific explanations.

I grew up admiring Mr. Hermant for his dashing skills and talent in science. He was one of the main reasons why I decided to attend such prestigous school.

I was thrilled when I found out that he was going to be the special guest for the event to be held two nights from now. After all, it was my doing that we had these great opportunities before us. Although the process how this came to be wasn't something I could ever be proud of. It was because of my obsession in achieving the highest and my impulse desires that everything wasn't as pretty as it seemed.

Going back to my senior year going to college, I indulged myself with exchange programs. I was always the first one to volunteer. It was all I could ever ask for. Like I was living my dream.

But last year was just different.

* * *

I try to simmer down my frustration as I drifted my gaze towards the beautiful landscape of the ocean which was busy cascading subtle waves. I saw the ant-like figures of Samantha and Damien, scurrying along the lines of the seashore with my twin siblings.

I should be spending this precious time with them. Yet here I was, alone once again.

Deep in my subconscious mind, it was nagging me, how it told me that I should be with them right now. I knew that deep down. But what was I doing here again? I looked through the shore. It's beautiful. They're having fun. It's what matters. But why am I feeling as if everything will go wrong? I have this deep feeling in my gut that something will not be right. I hated this. I always hated these stupid daunting thoughts. It never made me settle.

My heart started to increase its pace. My mind, becoming anxious for the nth time today. I feel freightened.

They're right where you could see them, Kim. Why do you have to feel so nervous?

I gripped my hand. It felt numb. Pinched the tip of my fingers but I couldn't feel. My hands curled ito a fist, my nails digged my skin. It stung but I couldn't process it.

I looked up again. My heart pounding against my temple. Sarah's fine. Jack's fine. Damien's fine. Samantha—

Samantha's gone. Where the hell's Samantha?