"You'll be back next week right?" Suna prompted, y/n smiled but he noticed it didn't reach her eyes. A fake smile, one meant to feign reassurance.
"I'll only be gone for the weekend, I'm going with Kenta to......visit some old friends."
Her voice had gone quiet in the last bit and Osamu took the hint, dragging Suna and his brother in the opposite direction after saying a chaste goodbye.
"Y/n, let's go."
...........................
They stood together by the entrance of the cemetery, flowers and a volleyball on hand. Kenta sighed deeply, taking a moment to collect himself, and together they walked towards the centre where a row of gravestones lay quietly. Y/n, of course, headed straight for a certain grave to their right, and there she sank to her knees wordlessly. Kenta glanced at her for a moment before facing his late teammates with a brave face, his back straight and his jaw set.
Every time he visited this place, he found it difficult to stand before them, a deep shame weighed on his shoulders, and he would close his eyes to dampen the haunting feeling of their watchful souls.
It still hurts. He thought as he knelt before the grave of Saito Akari, his gesture tender as he reached out to brush away some dirt from the stone. Kenta placed a flower under her name and a warm memory bloomed in his mind, of the setter's gentle hands wrapping around his own as she helped him tape his fingers before a game.
I'm scared I can't be the person y/n needs me to be. I'm not and I can't be the person you were to her, but she needs someone like you. You, with your— unshakeably powerful mindset, I always found it amazing. Y/n's still hanging onto Rin, I can see it, and it's killing her, she needs someone who can teach her to let go, even if it hurts more than holding on. I'm stuck giving advice that I can't even follow myself, and it's so frustrating sometimes.
I wish I could speak to you, even if it's just for a moment. I don't know what to do, I can't do this by myself.
Help me 'Kari.
She'd cried many times, but Kenta only cried once after the accident. He knew he'd never get over it if he allowed himself to break down in front of her, he'd promised both Nakamura and y/n's parents that he'd take care of them when they left for Miyagi. At the time, nobody knew only Kenta and y/n would be coming home, so he made sure to take care of her well and fulfill his promise both to her parents and his friend.
Y/n settled herself in front of a particular tombstone. She lay a red flower down on the cold stone, red was his favourite colour after all.
___________________
Nakamura Rintarou
1993-2011
Rattlesnakes' - MB
____________________
"Hey Rin, it's been a while. I moved to Hyogo after I got released from the hospital, I go to Inarizaki now. I miss you so much, I wish you could meet some of my new friends, there's a guy there whose name is also Rintarou and he's a middle blocker just like you. I know you can't hear me, but I love you so much and every night I-"
Y/n's words were cut off by her own sobs, her body shaking with the effort to suppress them. Kenta wrapped his arms around her tightly, letting her cry her into his hoodie. In the entire team, Kenta, Rin, and y/n were particularly close, they had grown up together after all. He raised his face to glance at the grave, unable to hold eye contact for long as he gently stroked y/n's hair.
"Hey bro, I know you're here right now, I'll take care of her. I promise."
Y/n stood up and dusted herself off. Kenta tossed her the volleyball and they peppered for a while amongst the graves of their teammates. In that while it felt as though the entire team was together again, alive and whole, peppering in a big circle like they always did before games.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." She whispered to herself, settling down before Rintarou's grave once more.
"Yes you are." Kenta agreed, sitting down next to her.
"Do you remember his last words?" Y/n murmured, squeezing her eyes shut as she recalled his voice. Don't be scared, even if I die I'll reincarnate or something and find my way back to your side, I promise.
"Y/n, you know it's not possible. He's gone, gone."
"I know, but part of me can't help but wish it were possible. I miss him."
Kenta exhaled deeply, unconsciously playing with the necklace in the hollow of his throat. "I miss him too, and Akari. I miss walking to school with her, she was gonna go to Todai with me you know?"
"Yeah, and Riku wanted to play against the Adlers so bad he couldn't sit still for a week."
They smiled then, reminiscing in their bittersweet memories. Y/n closed her eyes and pictured Rintarou sitting with them, but she was shocked to see his image kept morphing into Suna. A sudden bolt of panic made her shudder as Kenta glanced at her worriedly.
"What's going on?"
"Do you remember what Rin looked like?"
"Of course I do, why are you asking?"
Y/n's eyes watered. "Because I don't want to forget his face, ever. Kenta, what if I can't move on? You always tell me to let go of Rin and move forward with my life, that doing so would be something he would've wanted, but what if I just can't? It's so hard, and it hurts, and sometimes I just feel like giving up."
"I understand." Kenta reached out and ruffled her hair. "You wanna know something Akari told me once? I was at Nationals in my third year, and I was feeling some...doubt because we were losing and I didn't think that I was going to be a better captain than Ichirou. I wanted to give up, but do you know what she told me?"
"If you can't keep going, if you think you're ready to give up and go home, just take a moment and look over your shoulder. Look at all the people who support you, who look up to you and rely on you to lead them. Are you willing to look them in the eye and tell them that you're giving up?"
"You going to be okay?" Kenta asked as the two of them walked towards the cafe their team once frequented after practice. It was a long walk, with neither of them wishing to take transit, but y/n enjoyed his company. He was her pillar, her confidente, and he made her feel safe.
"Suna reminds me of him."
There it was. Kenta knew she was going to say that eventually. Not knowing what to say without hurting her, he remained quiet the rest of the way. He understood the feeling, he really did. The youngest of all of them, y/n had picked up all the little quirks and qualities of his friends, and he saw bits of them peeking through. He saw Rintarou's determination in her posture, Riku's playfulness in her laughter, Akari's beauty in her smile. Though, when she cried, when she used to call him in the dead of night, shaken by nightmares, he heard himself in her voice.
The atmosphere inside the cafe was the same as how he remembered it, warm and cozy, achingly familiar. Part of him was glad to see that some things didn't change despite all that happened, and this place was one of them.
