Love in the Time of Corona

30

I understood. He's controlling himself from doing things he might regret. I remained quiet. I don't know how to respond to that.

He must've felt my internal battle cause he broken off the silence. "What are we gonna talk about?"

I finally got pass the heat inside me and I exhaled softly. "About us."

He looked confused. "What about us? Haven't we settled things at the Cafe?"

"Well, yeah. But that's just the truth." What ifs ran to my head, but I let it go. "What does it mean for us? Did it seem like a closure for the both of us? I don't want to leave without cleaning up my mess."

He was quiet. He sat on the table across his bed. He looked down.

I walked towards him. I held his right arm. "I don't want you to go through the same painful experience again. I don't want you to."

"Then why leave?" He looked at me. "You know you can stay here, stay with me."

I melted in his gaze. I looked away. I don't know. Do I even have feelings for him like before or am I just overwhelmed and still healing from Giancarlo? I wouldn't want us to fall apart again if I'd suddenly just jump into things that I can't commit myself into.

He pulled me into a warm hug. "We can try again. We'd be better than before. We'll get through things together."

I turned to him, cupped his face. "I don't want to, Cade. We had our shot."

"What makes you think that way? We're still the same, aren't we? We just got older."

"A lot has changed, Caden. We can't just pretend as if we just cooled off or something. Plus, we have a lot of healing to do."

"Then, I'll wait for you. I'll keep on loving you until you're ready."

"I don't think that's the best for us." I emphasized.

"For you, Krystal. Not for me."

"Then what do you want to do? It didn't worked out!"

"Why does it feel like you wanna get rid of me?" He cried like a child.

I couldn't respond. I don't want to hurt him... but I can't ruin his life.

"Krystal? Caden? I'm going home." Rachell says from the other side of the door.

I cleared my throat. "Take care, Rach. I'll stay a little longer."

"Okaaay." She replied.

Silence. It was never good for me. I'm think things inti a deeper level. I'm getting the gut feeling that my emotions would take over any second... but I'd try my best to prevent that.

"Fine, Krystal, but hear me out. Do you remember the first time we went on a date?" Caden holds my shoulders.

"No, and don't make this hard for us, please."

He smiled bitterly. "It was my first time to go to the lake." It was my turn to massage my temple. Break ups give me a lot of headaches. "You were wearing a yellow dress and a pair of brown boots. Your hair looked stunning." He smiled, tears flowing through his eyes.

"Cade..." I softly spoke.

"I took you to the ice cream parlor before we went there because Ella told me you loved chocolate mint flavored ice cream. Then in the middle of nowhere, you suddenly told me that you're actually lactose intolerant." He smiled once more, but pain's still evident in his eyes.

"It was a funny moment... but that moment, I told myself, 'I'd rather spend my life without dairy than wothout you.' It sounds dumb but until now, I live up to that."

I kept my face straight and said nothing.

"When we walked towards the water, I saw how fascinated you are to get your feet wet. Looking at you while standing there, it made me realize something."

"And that is?" I asked, even if I have an idea of where this is leading.

"We were opposites. I'm not adventurous but you are. You're not easily contented but I am. I guess, it was an attraction but thinking about it now, you're simultaneously pushing me away and pulling me closer to you." He stepped closer.

"Let's finish up, Krystal." His face became straight and his voice got deeper. "Look into my eyes and say that you don't want me anymore."

His face was too close. I needed air. "Why are you suddenly doing this, Cade?"

"Doing what?" He playfully brushed his nose against mine. I turned the other way and I stepped back. I stepped back and stepped back but soon, I reached the wall. Damn it.

"Please. Don't." Being around him doesn't feel safe for me. My mind seems like it's about to lose it.

"Don't what? I'm not even doing anything."

I didn't talk back. I just blankly stared at him. At this point, I know he's not gonna listen.

He leaned closer. I kept my eyes open. His lips landed on mine. I didn't move. We were like that for a couple of seconds. Eventually, he pulled away.

My eyes are still ice cold and I'm not saying a word. I hope he gets it that I really want it to be over.

And I guess it worked. His facial expression softened and he stepped away from me.

"Happy?" I walked towards the door.

"Krystal, I'm sorry. Please---" He was about to follow me but...

"Don't. That's the least you can do." I immediately closed his door.

I was just about to get out of his house but then Mrs. Stoane appeared before my eyes.

"Good evening, Lara. I was just about to go home." I said politely.

She looked happy that I spoke to her and grabbed me by the arms saying, "Let's go inside, child. I talked to Marc. They'll be here soon."

"What's going on?" I got dragged inside once again.

"Have you and my son made up?" She straightforwardly asks.

I looked down, embarrassed. I can't tell her how it went. It wasn't the best thing to hear.

Good thing, he went down from his room. "Ma? Why did you stop her? She's on her way home."

"We're having dinner with them, son."

I looked at her and I guess I'm not the only one here cause Caden expressed his shock with me.

"WHAT?!"