take a chance

the beginning

I bet your wondering what this is all about? who it's about? why is she writing this? better yet, why am I reading this? well, I will tell you. my name it Taylor, and this is my story. this is not some bull shit story that I just made up, all of this has happened to me and I wouldn't change it for a thing. not one single day would I go back and redo, because it has given me something you cannot buy. you cannot find it in a store, you can't ask for it, you cannot fake it. this thing is what every human lives their life to achieve.

love.

sophomore year. me and my girlfriend of three months have broken up. it was hard for me because,the longest relationships I've had lasted three weeks at most. and they were with guys. but that's before I realized, I'm gay as fuck. I'll spare you the details of my coming out story, just know that this girl had completely taken me in her grip and I was her puppet at the end of the strings. until we ended up breaking up because we both just stopped trying and stopped caring.
I was down about it for about a week. then I started to think I could get over this. this is no big deal, I've got this. so I moved on. a friend had told me that one of her friends really liked me, and after 30 minutes of trying to convince her to tell me who it was, she gave it. her name, amya simmons.
this girl, let me tell you, she is straight from the books and the movies. she is the girl that they all describe as the perfect one. at least, she is in my book and movies. she's this down to earth, guitar playing, sweet to the core, girl. she has a way with the things that she says. she can say things and sound so intelligent but without sounding like she knows everything. the way she describes the world, is so real and true. she makes you want to better yourself. she makes you want to love her. she's it.
we started talking and writing notes to each other. and she was so shy and so into herself. it's like she's this rose that has the potential to be the most beautiful rose in the garden, but is afraid to blossom. and that's just what it was. she was afraid to show her friends who she really is. she got so angry and frustrated when people asked her if she was gay. and that's normal for someone who it just coming out. it makes complete sense I understand.
but later on, she got the courage to kiss me and even further down the road, to ask me out. and things with her were amazing. we didn't fight, we didn't get mad at stupid little things. we just clicked.
and just as if the director to a movie qued it, something goes in to change it.
my ex starts talking to me again. telling me she misses me and that she still loves me. she didn't come right out and say it but it was basically spelled out for me.
and what did I do about it? I fell for the trap. she set the bait and I took it like the dumb fish that I am. the last day of school my sophomore year, after school, I broke up with amya, and me and my ex started talking again.
July we started dating again. it was good, but something was better this time. don't ask me what it is because I couldn't tell you even if I knew. I just felt something right about this time. I was at her house nearly everyday over summer. not a moment we didn't spend together when we had the chance.
school was starting around the corner again and she wanted to spend more time with me and so I agreed to join color guard with her in band. we were the lesbian couple of the school. everyone knew us and knew we dated.
but then one night, it hit me. she was controlling me. she told me who I can and can't talk to. what I could do. she made me feel bad for hanging out with my best friend who's practically a sister. and all because she was jealous that I spent so much time with her. and soon things turned back into how they used to be. fighting everyday, screaming, nothing I did was right. it was to the point where I didn't even say if I was upset because I didn't want to make her mad. she controlled me.
I later put an end to it. I realized what was happening and I broke up with her. she cried and she had made me feel like shit. but I wasn't breaking.
long story short I went back out with amya, broke up with her for my ex ... again. and the third time I realized that me and my ex, just are never going to work out.
I know, how can someone be this fucking stupid? I have no idea, but I was. I threw away someone that was pure golden for someone who is not even worth my time.
so for a while I just sat back and watched. I watched amya. and she was beautiful and happy and so confident. she had changed so much since last year. she didn't care what people thought, she had broken out of her shell. and she was breath taking and heart stopping.
I wanted her back so badly, but there was no way she would take me back. hell, I wouldn't take me back even if I begged. I fucked her over and I deserved to be kicked in the throat. but, by the luck of something holy, she still liked me. she still loves me, she had no trust for me though.
now, it's my junior year and I am completely head over fucking heals for this girl, and I am determined to gain back her trust and prove to her just how much I am truly with her.