Eating Disorder. [NH AU] III

» 08.

unknown; "yep that sounds sooooooo convincing mate gosh. like when my gf tries to hide the fact that shes on her period but i can see the fact she's gonna rage in a matter of seconds;)"

unknown; "yeaasss i'm really good thanks."

luke; "bro did i tell u the good news??????"

nh; "ew tmi ew"

nh; "thats good & no whats up"

luke; "I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP."

luke; "THEY WANT ME."

luke; "THEY WANT ME OMG."

luke; "NIALL FFS."

nh; "oh congrats luke, i knew you would do it. do you know if justin got in ?"

luke; "oh cmon be a bit more enthusiasm pls. i know ur going through a tough time rn but even a fake bit of happiness would be good and, yeas he did:):):)."

nh; "sorry"

luke; "okay, anyways i'm pretty certain the only reason why i'm in is because that liam wanker dropped out - thank the lord. less competition. just between u and me, he was good rival. i'll give u that, yeas."

yeah it's not like it's because liam is so much more talented then you'll ever be, luke. plus he was pretty modest too whilst playing, while luke showed no sportsmanship at all. maybe the boarding school got desperate.

nh; "haha"

luke; "dear lord u are quite boring rn aren't u? have u been eating?"

nh; "nope"

luke; "wtf why???? they're supposed to be mentoring you to eat again slowly aren't they???"

nh; "yh probably, idc really"

luke; "okayyy then...."

luke; "anyways mate i really hope you get better soon, we'll meet up when you're normal again. i have to sleep, got sparing (boxing) early tomorrow."

luke; "good night."

i don't respond, because i'm too busy thinking about his words. so when i get 'better' and when i'm 'normal again' we can meet up. that makes a shit load of sense because luke and i became friends when i was apparently 'not normal', so why would he want to see me when i'm different when he's mates with the fucked up me? i don't even wanna change.

i won't change.

++

the next morning i wasn't the only one in the ward room when woke up. there was an older boy in the bed beside mines. he was staring at me pretty intensely. he was practically skin and bone, wasted away. the stage i desired. i bet he loves the way he looks.

"hi." i smile at him, because i'm super nice and friendly, aren't i?

he doesn't say anything. he just continues to bore his dull, almost lifeless brown eyes into my face. his brown hair is flat on his forehead, pretty boring looking really, and his face holds a deep frown. what have i done to him?

"are you okay-"

"-you talk too much." he snaps, jolting upright, not dropping his eye contact from me though.

"um, excuse me?" i look at this strange guy in confusion. what is he even talking about, we've never conversed before today?

"you. at night. talk. too much." he deliberately speaks slowly to make me seem unintelligent. i hate it when people do that, it's so rude.

"so? what do i even say?"

"i dunno. don't really listen." yeah, that makes a shit load of sense doesn't it? gosh, i'm letting myself get all worked up because of this stupid ass guy.

"okay, cool-"

"-you're pretty overweight,  yanno." i look up at him, startled. what? did he just call me overweight, and we're in a mental hospital, situated for people with eating disorders?

"you're over fat."

he smirks, "you're obese."

"you're clinically obese."  i know i've won this stupid argument because there is nothing worse then being clinically obese. thanks to the elite sports boarding school, i learnt that.

he opens his mouth to speak, but then shuts it automatically. i notice tears welling up in his eyes, but instead of apologising i walk away from him. after all he started this 'war', his fault.

though i do feel a pang of guilt.

+

"so you called tyler ross clinically obese then? how did that make you feel?"  doctor jepson makes me wonder how she even got into counselling. she's rubbish. it's always the same question all the time 'how did it make you feel?'  gosh.

"yeah. it made me feel happy. then i guess i saw his reaction and felt kinda bad afterwards. but it was his fault, he started it." i shrugged, leaning back in my comfy leather cushioned seat. doctor jepson nods her head and continues to scribble stuff down.

"i see. and have you eaten recently, niall?" i shook my head, "and why's that?" i shrugged, "maybe the fact that you haven't eaten for many days now, would mean that you're becoming more cranky and irritated. have you considered that at all?"

"but humans can survive without eating for two-three weeks, what's the problem?" i question.

she sighs and places her hands on her clipboard, looking at me almost the way that tyler did, "the problem is niall, we want you to get better so you can return to your family as quickly as possible. we want you to be discharged, we want to help."

i roll my eyes, "look, i'm fine-"

"-you're not. the more times you say it, doesn't mean we're gonna accept that. you cannot push us away. it doesn't work like that. we need to help you whether you like it or not, okay? think of your family." do i really want my mother to be afraid of me for the rest of my life? "eating disorders occur because of the image of being a certain way in their heads. it's an expectation. however what people don't realise, and you should've because of the boarding school you were just at, was that when trying to lose weight you NEED to eat. it's vital. if you don't eat, you gain more weight due to starvation mode people's body goes through. now. the idea to lose weight means you lose more calories then you put in through exercise. if you're not eating properly, how can you exercise? therefore how can you lose weight?" i look at her dumbfounded. how the hell didn't i know this before? i was in that school for a good few days, i should've learnt something. in a way this was a massive reality check. a big slap to my face.

and i'm now willing to get better.

[picture of tyler on the side. hope you guys like the new book covers for the series books.]