POWER

(Book 2)Chapter 13- Omari; serious?

Sam returned with my list. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. It was weird- he was the one to always have sex with whatever girl came along regardless of their feelings or friendship- but as soon as it happened to someone he knew he cared? I plugged in the speakers and started playing slow music. I always hated watching movies and seeing girls cry when something happened in their relationship. I tried, really I did but I couldn't draw myself away from the sad songs. Beyonce was the one who could give you those self empowering songs; those 'fuck you!' Songs; but right now all I really wanted was to cry but I couldn't. I sat down- even played 'Lions Tigers and Bears' on replay but I still just sat there looking outside. My heart was drowning in my tears but they couldn't they refused to come out. I kept my eyes open as I saw happy faces going in and out there houses. All in the Christmas spirit. I just sat there thinking how dumb could I actually get? He was Omari. He was the boy that girls would go topless in a church for. He was the ghetto boy that everyone respected. You were either running with him or from him. There was no in-between. There's no a little bit of this or that. Whoever crossed he's bath would remember him for a lifetime. I would remember him as the one who graffitied all over my heart and refused to clean it. He half painted a picture but couldn't see it through. I had him and when I lost him I lost myself. I choose to lose him but I was still drawn to him like I was handcuffed to him. He's life was going at 300 miles per second- always a problem at hand- a girl to lie to- a roll of weed to smoke- a heart to break and mine was going down the right track. Every now and then I would get flustered and my heart would jump out of my chest when I thought about it- then it would slowly crawl back to my empty chest. I didn't want it back. I didn't want anything. I opened my Ben and Jerry's and started eating it. I hated Ice-Cream but it was the only thing that could cool down my mouth. I wanted to shout and scream but at whom? It takes two to tango but there's always a lead. But what could I say to them? 'Michelle? How dare you sleep with my Ex-Boyfriend who I haven't spoken to in weeks after I wasn't talking to you for over 3 months?  Omari? How dare you sleep with Michelle after I went out with one of your 'Dons' behind your back until you finally clocked yourself?' I had no right to be angry and I guess that's why I couldn't cry. I was getting annoyed at the rubbish I was thinking. I hated my brain. I literarily wanted to rip it out and jump on it. Why was I so stupid? So naïve? I hated him for what he was doing. I didn't even know the full story but I could fill out the gaps myself. I layed down closing the blinds- I didn't need to see other peoples happiness and the darkness was my new friend- at least it would never betray and lie to me. I started out on my Jack Jones with one friend. I had Cecilia and a caring family-that's all I need- I goggled Chinese Restaurants in the area and called the most local one.

***knock knock***      -that stopped my train of thought about what ribs I wanted.

I remained quiet hoping that they would go way. The person did some knock that I remembered we made in Devon- so we would know if it was each other or a teacher. Now I really couldn't talk. The words were hovered out of my mouth- my mouth was dry- I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want an apology. That's the last thing that would make me feel any better. Nothing would cause I know deep down it was my fault. I pushed both of them away from me and it's no surprise they bumped into each other; that was what was meant to happen. Two beautiful people getting together- not just a random mix and match. The door knocked again with the same special knock. I stood up- not bothering to fix myself and opened the door.

#Authors Note! This is the first time that I'm personally doing it from a boys point of view so allow me if it doesn't come out perfect or a bit weird or wrong. Thanks & feel free to cuss if its shit- I'm open to criticism#