The Insider Ghost Ship: She Said, He Said

CHAPTER 2: He Said: About His Confession

Ik Jun sat in front of his computer in his office at YULJE, seriously focused on the screen--arranging the cards alternately until they started bouncing off from the deck--another Free Cell game won. It had been three weeks since Song Hwa left for Sokcho, and he missed her more than ever. They might have the weekends for band practice, but she had not come for them since she left. They had to cancel because she bailed out on them. Spending time with the squad without her, was not spending time with the squad--it was just the guys' happy time. All of them knew they needed Song Hwa around--even though sometimes they did not know exactly why they do. He just always thought that she was such a breath of fresh air that all of them always needed, especially him.

Three weeks. Three calls. Six messages. Should he make it four calls? Or seven messages? What would Song Hwa think if he just starts calling and texting again at will? He had been holding himself back from doing so, because he thought it might pressure her into giving him an answer.

The answer...Should I still expect she'd give me one? Isn't three weeks enough? But you're the one who told her to take her time, matjjyo?

Yes, he did tell her to take her time because he was leaving for Spain and would be gone for ten days. He thought it would be enough for her to think about the answer to give him. But it had been twenty-one days.

He wanted so much to tell her about how he truly feels about her, but he was aware of the risks of doing so. A twenty-year-old friendship was primarily at stake. He knew that if he ever confessed, there would only be two outcomes--either an acceptance or a rejection. An acceptance would mean that he would gain a partner and retain a best friend. A rejection could mean he would never gain one and even lose the other. Besides that, his relationship with the guys could also be affected.

I think we've passed that phase of being overly sensitive about this....

They could have. And they should have. Being forty was extremely far different from being twenty. At twenty, trivial matters matter a lot. At forty, not that much. So, having feelings for Song Hwa would likely not affect any of the other guys anymore. Especially Seuk Hyung. But after his confession and outright rejection during Song Hwa's birthday twenty years ago, the guys made a pact that nobody must ever fall for her and confess. And that was probably what held Jun Wan back. He might not have told him about it, but Ik Jun had always felt that he also had feelings for Song Hwa. Perhaps just not strong enough to move him to tell her. Jeong Won, on the other hand, had no problem about the pact, since he was not actually interested in women, as far as he knew. He had never seen him with a girl, never implied having feelings for a girl, and most importantly, never had a girlfriend. He was probably serious about being a priest that early in his life.

And then, there was him--Lee Ik Jun--pursued by women, but never pursued anyone. He was not the type that goes after them. He did not need to, because women did that for him. Why go after them when they were already flocking onto you, right?

But Song Hwa is a different story. One look at her and he was prompted to give her the scrunchy that he bought to break a bill, which was intended to be given to his sister. He could not resist stealing glances of that tiny, innocent, cute and neat face sitting beside him. He wanted so much to ask her name, talk to her and befriend her...but at that moment, he suddenly became not his usual self. He felt timid and shy.

Just ask her name and that's it! How hard can it be?

Trying his best not to appear too obvious, he stole side glances of her--she was clutching her notes, hands on her lap, but she was looking straight ahead. He was aware that she, too, stole at least a couple of side glances of him. He decided to just ignore her then, since knowing her name was not the most important thing at that time--it was the interview that he would have to pass to ensure his future. And surely, it was the same thing in Song Hwa's mind.