Purple Winter || kth ✓

50• scars

He chuckled lightly.

"I'm not horny, okay?" He said, looking down at four hands, intertwined with eachother, resting on his lap, silky moonlight from the window making them look like sculptures from heavens.

"Did I say that? You were talking about why you bled yourself...I mean, your childhood friend." You said, stumbling the wrong sentence accidentally.

He let his eyes meet yours, this time, bare, fearless and like the ones seeking for something.

"To be simply putting it, He took the bullet for me." He said without flinching a bit, without stammering, without stopping midway.

He held your gaze, waiting for a response.

Your mouth parted, you felt a loss of words, loss of emotions. You felt your conscious momentarily sinking into a void.

"I'm sorry for your loss." You said, after gulping.

"And I stood there? I stood there seeing him collapse on floor, life oozing out of his chest.." he shook his head, biting his lips trying to keep his voice from cracking.

You snuggled closer and let your touch on his chest relieve him a little.

He felt horrible.

You felt horrible.

Two of your hearts knew that some wounds always bleed and the pain never fades even if the wound becomes a scar.

Death wasn't abstract to both you.

Blood and bleeding wasn't abstract to both of you.

This guilt was one common ground to both of you.

Having someone sacrifice their life for you is something that never stops haunting.

N-e-v-e-r.

"I understand what you might have gone through...but still, you could have told me....sooner?" You said, memories of your own past crossing your mind.

"You understand but y/n, he was breathing but your dad wasn't, he- I-I-" his voice cracked but he continued, "I could have saved him, y/n...I-I didn't."

You could feel your heart sinking with his.

You wanted to do anything that could possibly stop his hurting, that could possibly make him numb, even for few moments.

But you didn't know how because you hadn't been able to stop your hurting for years, how could you stop his now.

"His mother cursed me, everyday I hear her words in my head that it is me who is breathing instead of him, it is me who is untouched and unpunished for my sin" he said, looking around the room with tearful eyes.

"Don't you think so, y/n, it wasn't an accident, no it wasn't, I took him there, I did, it was me, I took him with me for myself, because it was me, his Taehyungie, it was me who he saved." He said before leaving your eyes and focussing his vision into the window of the room. Your tears had made his chest wet.

"Tae, please, please" you said in your muffled cries and blurred vision, rubbing his neck, trying to bring him back to reality.

You understood how it happened.

When past haunts, it consumes every drop of life out of the person, makes them still, oblivious to the present.

It takes them back to the most hideous spot in the lapse of times, tormenting with unjustified whiplashes of the days, moments, sounds,visions, smell, places, screams, cries, tears, words, memories and more memories and more and more and more.

It's like a black hole, most difficult to deal with, simplest to say.

He wasn't crying. He was still, like a statue.

You had never seen this side of him,it made you feel miserable, miserably miserably.

Even the thought of him hurting made your stomach turn in complicated ways and here he was, sitting still before you, brushing once again.

"Darkness keeps its reel, y/n." He said, wrapping his arms around you.

You didn't understand what he meant and you didn't want to know, you didn't want to ask anything more.

You hastily dried your eyes.

"It's late, please sleep now, you're working tomorrow. " You said as you met your eyes with his.

His eyes were Red but he wasn't crying.

"I am a sick person y/n, you don't know... please stop loving me, why must it be you? We shouldn't be in love y/n. I am not someone you should love, please." He said, caressing your cheeks.

His soft touch brought you back to life, once again.

"You're not a bad person for choosing destruction over repair. I can't stop loving you when you're the one I was sent to find?" You said, gripping tighter around his chest.

He chuckled as he smoothly slid himself into the comforts of his bed, taking you with him.

You were on his chest, thin fabric of
t-shirt on you let your skin feel him partially.

"Trust me y/n, I'm not someone you would wanna love even when you're the only person I would ever let to love me and that's because you're the only one who makes me feel like this, I don't want to lose you but I won't stop you if you leave someday. " He said, in an intense gaze making you feel unexplainable emotions.

You couldn't understand why he was saying such things, why he considered that you would be the one to walk away.

You assumed that it was his self-hate making him say those things but again, there was so way you could assure him that you'd be by his side even when you're a ghost.

"Don't say such things, please sleep now, don't be sad, I'm here with you." You said, smiling simply, trying to hide your emotions.

"Sing me a lullaby." He said before layed you beside him.

You did, one that your mother used to sing for you.

His arms felt natural strings of love around your waist. His delicate yet sharp face in front of your eyes, his gentle eyes, his breathe fanning on your neck, tangled legs and slow, sloppy kisses and two of you fell asleep, faintly fusing your happiness and pain into eachother, uniting as one soul.