Before the Storm
"Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let go." -End of the Road
Rosanna,
I cannot bear the pain sometimes. It feels as if I'm drowning in pain that seems to have no end.
I would do anything to smell your scent, to stare into your dark eyes as you look at me with wrongs. I have many regrets but I plan on mending my wrongs.
Ti amo.
-Lorenzo
ALESSANDRA ROMANO
It was the day of the ball. I could barely sleep last night from the excitement pumping in my heart. I could not wait to see the dress I was given but before that happened I had to attend a spa day with the rest of the lunas.
My phone dings and I enter my passcode to see who had messaged me.
Vincenzo: How's it goin Alessia? Is my cousin giving you a hard time?
Alessandra: He's his usual grumpy self and I'm doing great.
Vincenzo: Can't wait to see your pictures from the ball, I'll be watching it all go down online.
I missed Italy. The country had become home in the two years I was there. Most of all I missed Lake Tahoe. It had been so long since I had run through the woods or just sat by the lake taking in the beauty nature had to offer. I promised myself I would spend some time with nature once I got home.
Someone knocked on my door and I was met with an unfamiliar face.
"Hi! I'm Lian from the Moonlight Pack."
I pondered for a second as I remembered who she was. I've never met her but I studied the people attending to be prepared in case anything happens.
She was the luna of the pack and from what I've heard she was a talented mixed martial artist who was known for her tact. Her dark raven hair flowed down to her hips and her eyes stared at me with caution. She wasn't here for a friendly conversation but rather for information about me.
"I'm Alessandra from the Blood Moon Pack. It's great to meet you! I've heard about your talented kung fu moves Luna Lian," I tell her, intentionally dropping the fact that I know about her.
"Thank you, I was there at one of your races actually, you're a very fast runner," she says with a smile.
"Thank you I've been practicing all my life," I respond.
"Well, I came here to ask if you would like to walk down to the spa room with me?"
"I would love that," I say. I grab my bag and close the door behind me.
"So Alessandra, it must be weird right?"
"Excuse me?"
"You know, being mated to your twin's mate, talk about awkward.."
I clench my jaw and swallow my embarrassment. I'm surprised she's being so direct but I hold some respect for her because of it. It was expected that people would ask questions since Isabel and Zane were so public about their relationship but I'm still caught off guard.
"Hmm I suppose it is but we are all overcoming it," I tell her. Was it the truth? Not really. We were not really overcoming it we were just kicking the problem under the rug.
"Well being a luna is a big responsibility and I think you are perfect for the job," she says. I smile. It's reassuring to hear that, especially from Lian Zhao.
"That means a lot," I tell her.
"I do not mean to offend you but I never thought your sister would be good at being Luna. She's too worried about image," she tells me. I agree with her on the image part. Isabel has always cared too much about what others think of her but I still think she would have been a good luna.
"Isabel had the qualities of a good luna despite her small flaws," I say.
"Perhaps, but a luna will never be successful if she cares about other people's opinions," she says. I gesture for her to elaborate.
"When I first met my mate's pack they were wary of me," she says.
"I was a stranger and there weren't many Chinese members in his pack and I felt as if I did not belong because I knew what they thought of me."
"Then one day my mate was away on business when we were ambushed by a neighboring pack. Everyone turned to the beta for directions but I knew it was my job to keep my pack safe. I spewed out some orders and I could tell no one wanted to follow them. They had to though, I was their luna."
"My commands that day saved the lives of many. No one was hurt and I had earned my place. Not once did I think, what will they think of me? Because that's not how leaders think. No matter what you say someone will oppose you the only thing you can do is stand your ground."
"So you are saying you do not see these qualities in my sister?" I ask. She laughs. Her eyes crinkle and her lips pull upward as her head falls back. The tight bun she has her hair in catches the light and almost looks blue because of how black her hair is.
"Sweetheart your sister is the exact opposite of what a Luna should be. Everyone has a role in their pack and being Luna is not hers."
"What's the point of you telling me all this?"
"I want you to realize that you and Zane are mates for a reason. Stop holding onto this childish fantasy where you two can live separately as mates."
"How can you be so sure?"
Honestly, I agree with her thinking but I want to know why she thinks this.
"I lost my mate two years ago. Every day feels incomplete, everyday I think that there is something missing that there is something wrong. It's him. He's not here. He's gone forever and I'll never see him again."
My heart aches for this woman. The pain is so clearly etched on her face that I'm tempted to wrap her in my arms and provide even a moment of solace.
Her teary eyes meet mine and the words she says paralyze me with fear.
"Sometimes it feels like every breath I take is forced. It's like I'm in this body but my soul is already halfway to him. Don't waste your time Alessandra. I wish someone would have told me that when I was a young luna like you."
I'm so stunned by her words that I do not even question how she knows things between Zane and I are rocky.
Every now and then I wonder. I wonder if maybe one day we will be the kind of mates that love each other.
It's usually when Zane makes me laugh.
Or when I think about how the only times I see him show any kind of emotion is with me or his dad.
Sometimes it's when he looks at me like he would burn the world down if it meant getting to spend another moment with me.
That's another thing I've noticed. Zane will just sit in the same room as me when I'm reading. He'll watch me when I go on my runs even though I'm more than capable of taking care of myself. Sometimes he would just sit in the living room and watch a movie with me at the packhouse when we were teenagers. We never talked or interacted at all but it's those moments that come to mind when I think of us.
Then I think of the other memories.
The ones where my parents were away on business and all I could hear were Zane and Isabel's grunts throughout the house. The ones where he would make sure that I was excluded from all the party games as a kid.
Zane takes the world douchebag to another level but those aren't the thoughts that scare me the most.
The one that cripples me with fear is never measuring up to her. I've lived in my sister's shadow all my life and I refuse to continue the rest of my life that way.
Screw Lian and her advice. I do not feel incomplete. I don't need Zane or anyone for that matter.
"Let's head to the spa and join the rest of the lunas, Lian," I tell her before walking away.
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