_
AS SOON as dad left my office; I suddenly felt that my heart went into my throat. I don't know if I can face his daughters. And I don't fucking know if they will accept someone like me!
I'm the bastard of the Welsch, so I'm not sure if they can treat me as their brother, as their half-brother. But I guess the only thing I can do is to meet them and see if they can welcome me as what their mother did.
An audible sigh escapes my lips when I remembered that I'm not just meeting one, but I have to ready my fucking self in facing three.
But I have to lower my expectation because I know they might differ from Auntie Fely, who didn't have a hard time to accept me as if I was really her own child.
After dozing off, I heard my phone ringing and when I looked at who's the caller; I felt like someone harshly poured a bucket of cold water into my face.
Without hesitation, I answered it instantly while I fucking heard that my heart can come out into my damn chest anytime. "Mom," I mumbled. It's been a while since she called me and the last time I talked to her didn't turn well since she wants me to break my engagement with Freya... And now, I did what she wants because Freya wasn't really the woman who I fall and defended from her.
Mom's usual bitter tone filled my ears. "You surely knew how to surprise me, son."
My brows furrowed on what she has said and before I could say something, she already cut me off by her words. "I already warned you before that you can't involve yourself in any Monthe... But you really won't listen to me."
Now I finally understood what her call was for. I sighed and explained to mom. "Don't worry, mom. I won't involve myself in any Monthe anymore... I already cut ties with Freya like what you've wanted."
And when I thought that saying those words to her will make her at ease, I was wrong when she yells at me on the phone.
"Of course cutting ties with Freya is what I wanted, but you just put yourself into more something serious, Vaughn! You never listened to me, don't you?! And what are you talking about that you're not anymore involved with the Monthe?!"
Letting a heavy sigh, I keep my voice calm while answering mom. "I don't know why you think I put myself in a more complicated situation, mom, but I swear I'm not with Freya anymore–"
Mom cuts me off by her sudden laugh. "Yeah, sure you already distance yourself with Freya since she's not the one you're with, right?"
"W-What are talking about, mom?" She didn't know about Fleur, right? There's no fucking way that she knew her since Fleur doesn't live here in the city.
I heard mom let a sarcastic laugh like I asked a stupid question. "Do you think I wouldn't know why you suddenly broke your engagement with Freya without telling me any valid reason besides that it's what I wanted? Don't take your mother as a fool, son."
Even if I had a damn clue on why mom was acting like this, I still kept my cool and filter every word that will come out into my mouth. I can't still tell her about Fleur since I know that she'll disagree again once she will see Fleur's face.
"I don't know what you were talking about, mom."
"Keep on denying, Vaughn... But from what I saw earlier, I don't think your Fleur will still stay by your side–" now I can't help but to cut my mom's words.
"H-How did you knew her?!" I can't control my emotion and raised my tone at mom. I heard that she just chuckled at me.
Then seconds of waiting for my mom's voice to answer my question, she ended the call instead of. Damn it!
As fast as I can, I hurriedly went outside my office and immediately walk towards the parking lots' direction. Then, as soon as I entered my car, I instantly maneuvered it.
My fucking heart throbbed inside while my brain can't think straight... I hope mom didn't do something wrong at Fleur! I don't know if I can still stay put if she did something terrible at Fleur.
When I saw that there aren't too many cars, I dialed mom's number on my free hand, but I cannot reach her anymore so I dialed Kyst's number instead. He's the only one I knew who have Fleur's number.
Fuck! I hope mom really didn't make Fleur stay away from me! I just admitted everything to her and it's only been an hour since I had her trust!
I can't lose her anymore! Not when I already knew that we both share the same feelings!
Minutes of calling Kyst, he finally picked it up. I didn't let him utter any word and cut him off right away. "Can I have Fleur's number?"
He hissed. "Why do you think I will give you her number you dumbass?!"
"Look, I don't have the fucking time to argue and explain everything to you, Kyst... It's an emergency, I need to talk to her!" After I said that I step on the accelerator to increase the speed of my car.
"Don't you fucking shout at me! And why do you want to talk to her?! Did you fucking do something–" I interrupted his words.
"Mom talked to her! That's why I needed to have her number since I have to check if she's just fine! So, can't you just damn give me her number?!" I'm now at my limit and can't take more another question from him.
"W-What? You fucking let your mom–" Now, I didn't listen to him anymore and didn't hesitate to end the call then just focus on the road.
Minutes only, I finally arrived at the building where my penthouse was and without wasting no time, I instantly went out of my car and entered the building.
Then after I got inside the elevator, Kyst's number flashed into my screen, but I didn't bother to answer it. Afterwards, I saw that he sent me a text yet I still didn't hassle to open it.
When the elevator arrived on the top floor, I immediately step out and walk towards my penthouse's main door.
Punching the code of it, I straightly went into the room where Fleur used to occupy. A sigh of relief came out of my lips when my eyes saw her sitting on the bed spacing out. But my heart didn't calm down even if I can already see her... I thought I will lose her already...
Without saying something, I went closer to her and caged her in my arms. I felt she stiffened on the sudden hug, but I didn't bother letting her go.
"A-Are you alright? Did mom say something to you?" I asked softly.
I felt her hands wrapped around my waist before she responds to me. "H-How did you know she went her?"
I withdrew from the hug and cupped her face. "She called me before I went her... Um... D-Did she say something to you?" I asked carefully.
She then flashed a small smile as she shook her head. I don't know if she's telling the truth, since her eyes were telling me something "S-She just wants to visit you I guess."
I narrowed my eyes since I don't want to believe that mom didn't say something to her. "You sure she didn't say anything? Or maybe ask you something?" I asked to make sure if she's telling the truth.
Then I didn't expect the word Fleur uttered next. "You think so badly of your mom, Vaughn."
I sighed. I never thought that she would defend my mother even if she doesn't know her well. "I know my mother, Fleur. She's good at hiding her mask... anyway, you sure she really didn't ask you to do something?"
Fleur's brows furrowed. "Why do you keep on questioning me if she asks me to do something? What do you mean by that?"
And now based on her answer, I'm not quite sure on what did they talked about earlier. But, I know my mother, she surely said something to Fleur, but I'm can't tell what it's all about. "L-Like something that will make you stay away from me?" I said hesitantly.
Fleur's eyes grew bigger then she immediately averted her gaze. "W-Why would she say something like that?"
Her action was clearly telling me that mom told her something. But I can't even fucking point out what it was! "You tell me... What did you two talked about, hm?" I gently caress her face. Her eyes finally went back to mine.
"N-Nothing... She was just surprised to see me opening the door for her... She said that it was your first time letting a woman inside your penthouse." I saw that her eyes were hiding something from me, but I'm not sure if she'll give in into my question, so I guess I have to let it pass for now.
"Alright... Just tell me if there's something bothering you, okay? I won't further question you for now, b-but incase my mom told you something that will make you h-hate me, just please ask me first before believing my mom's word, Fleur."
Fleur beam at me, making me smiled as well. "I will... Don't worry. I-I love you, Vaughn. Always remember that."
Her words almost made my fucking heart came out of my damn chest. This woman will surely fucking cause me a heart attack soon!
"You're the only woman that makes my damn heart fucking beat so wildly, Fleur... Always remember that I'm willing to sink just to keep you by my side." I told her sincerely, kissing her temple.
Then just like that, the entire day went by smoothly but I wasted no more time, and spent my whole day with Fleur.
We started again from the beginning where we get to know each other again. We talked and let out what's hiding beneath our hearts. We let our heart talk and set aside our mind for awhile. I never thought that I could freely tell her about my past, I never thought that it will be easy to tell her about my pain for the past few years...
But the only thing that I'm sure about was, even if I will get lost in the woods, or in the deep sea, yet I won't get lost in finding her. I won't lose her just like before. I won't let her slip away because she's now holding my entire life... She's now my life that holds every part of me...
-
NOW I didn't know what I would do with my feelings anymore. Vaughn just opened up his feelings for me, his life and his pain... I'm afraid that I could be the reason for him to stop him to have what he wants. I'm scared that now that I came into his life will cause him another downfall, will make him choose between the things he was longing for.
And the truth that his mom told me yesterday will add more to the guilt he was shouldering. Even if I got hurt and separated from my family because of what her mom did, I can't blame her since it badly hurt her. She was madly inlove with my dad that's why she did it. She was just blinded by her love for my dad and did what her heart wanted even if it's against her mind.
Because humans are after all selfish... selfish with the person they love, but I don't think I could do that to Vaughn... Even if I love him with all my heart, I can't take away the thing that's been missing to him since before... and he said himself that he wants a mother... he wants to feel what having a family, a complete family...
And I'm letting him to have what he wants... even if it will break me, even if it will crash my heart and even if I'll lose a part of me...
I'm willing to lose him just to give him what he wants. I'm willing to... even if I'll lose my everything...
Then I came back into reality when I felt a massive hand enveloped my waist. "Care to share what's going on in that pretty head of yours? I was already lost in your deep thoughts."
I suppressed the tears that wanted to spill and bite my lower lip to prevent any sounds incase I'll burst out. I didn't care to respond to him and just savor the warmth he was giving me.
His hold on me tightened, and I can feel his throbbing heart behind me. "Don't scare me, Fleur... We're okay, since yesterday. Is there something wrong?" He mumbled.
This time, I want to assure him that everything was fine, but I couldn't form it into words. I can feel that my chest was aching so badly while I felt like thorns surrounded my heart.
"Is this what about my mother–" I forced myself to utter some words to cut him off. "N-No... I just felt tired... exhausted from everything." I whispered the last part.
"You sure?" he asked while he went closer even if there's no space between us anymore.
I gave him a slight nod and shut my eyes. I'm starting to feel that my eyes sting. "Alright... just rest for now. I'll cook us breakfast–" I interrupted him again. "S-Stay... I'm not yet hungry... just please don't leave yet." I told him after I shifted my position to hug him back.
I heard a sigh from him, but I just ignored it and rest my head on his chest.
"Alright, I'll cook us food later... and don't worry, I won't leave you. I'll stay even if you'll leave me again, Fleur. I'll stay even if you're planning to leave me again..."
With that, the emotion that I have held since the moment I woke up, came out like a hurricane as if there's no one could ever stop me. My chest instantly felt heavy while my lips trembled and now I'm on the verge of crying... But I can't hold back anymore and tear up silently.
Then seconds only, I realized that Vaughn's arms weren't wrapped into my waist anymore since he's now busy wiping my tears.
"I told you before that I hate seeing you crying, Fleur... Just tell me what's bothering you so I'll know how to take away the pain from you... J-Just fucking tell me..." his voice broke.
His words made my heart clench in too much pain. Only if I could directly explain to him everything about our family, about why I have to give up on my love for him...
My mouth finally spills some words. "I-I'm just tired... and happy that I finally able to have you in my arms, Vaughn."
When I thought he won't believe my words and will ask me more, I was wrong when he once again caged me in his arms and felt that his lips touch my forehead.
"You'll always have me in your arms, Fleur... as long as you won't let go of me... as long as you keep me."
Silence came between us, I heard only the beats of our heart and after a couple of minutes; I spoke breaking the silence.
"V-Vaughn?" I called, knowing that he's just staring at me and don't want to start a conversation.
"Hm?" he mumbled, then his hold tightened when he felt me moving. I just tried to reach for his face, so I could stare into his eyes.
He let me caress his face. "W-When will you meet your s-sisters again?"
His brows furrowed. "I remembered dad told me I'm meeting them this upcoming Sunday, why? You want to come with–"
"N-No way! I mean I can't come with you since you're meeting your f-family." I interrupted his words.
"Fine... I'll just let you meet them once you're ready."
Now I don't know how to react to what he has said. I'm sure that would never happen... it will but not the way he wanted it to be.
I swallowed hard while I let go of his face, then avoid his stares. "D-Do you really want to be accepted by them? I mean, do you really want to meet them?" I blurted out. I know my question sounded weird, but I just want to make sure before I'll jump into my final decision.
"Though it may seem strange, but I don't want to meet them. I don't feel like meeting them..." My eyes widened and immediately looked back into his eyes again to see if he's lying.
He smiled at me when he saw my reaction. "Don't get me wrong, Fleur. But I have my reasons for saying that..." he trailed off.
I said nothing and wait for him to explain his word. "I was just a bastard and the reminder of my parents' mistake so I don't have the guts to face my sisters... I even run the company of the Welsch when I wasn't the rightful owner of it from the start. I own nothing, Fleur even my surname. And my sisters... they should be the one who inherited the things I have now... So tell me what right do I still have to meet them? Do you think I can still face them after having all the things that belongs to them?" I saw how he struggled from suppressing his emotion.
I cupped his face and smiled at him. "You did nothing wrong, Vaughn. It's not your fault that you have everything that's supposed to them... But I guess you deserved to have them because your father, and your grandfather handed them to you... You deserved to have them because you're not just a bastard and the mistake from the past... You are a Welsch who's meant to own the things that you have right now." I told him sincerely.
He stared at me with awe, then beam at me. "I don't know why, but hearing these words from you gave me the courage to meet them... And even if I don't have those things with me, I think I could live as long as they accept me, as long as I have you with me, Fleur," he said then I stiffened when his lips gently to press into mine.
He felt that I tensed on what he did so he immediately withdrew from the kiss. "Fuck! I-I'm sorry... I should have asked you first–" I cut him off by putting my lips on his.
Now, it was him who went rigid on what I did so I was about to remove my lips into his when I felt that he slowly held my face, stopping me from what I'm about to do.
He deeply kissed me and didn't let me seek for some air. I felt his arms gently caressing my waist and before I could stop him from doing more, he already ceased himself.
Reality hardly hits me after our kiss, so I instantly shoved my head into his chest before he would see my face reddened. He let out a chuckle on what I did. "You must never hide your face after kissing me, Fleur."
My face heated but I respond to him. "Y-You're the one who kissed me first!"
He laughed even more making my heart beats wildly. "I never said that you're the one who started the kiss, Fleur. I'm just telling you that you have to look at me in the eye after kissing me... I want your eyes on me after our lips met," he said making me glance at him.
I saw how his lips rose when I did what he wants. "That's it... Never hide your face from me, Fleur. I want to see your face after tasting your lips."
This man! Doesn't he know how to put filters on his words? It will make my heart come out into my freaking ribcage if he continues to talk to me like this!
I rolled my eyes at him, making him chuckled again. "I never thought that I could kiss you again, Fleur... Your full lips always amaze me, and your eyes always captivate me... I know I'm not in the place to say this, but they're mine... You're not allowed to let someone take away what's mine, okay?" His words sounded possessive, but I just smiled at him since I don't want to spoil the mood. I'm afraid that the smile on his face will fade.
"I won't... Can I ask you something, Vaughn?"
He raised his brow at me like I said something wrong. "Why do I feel like I already heard you saying this before to me?" he query.
This time, it was me who chuckled. So, he still remembered that time when I asked him three favors, huh? "Don't worry... I won't do that again, Vaughn." I assured him.
He narrowed his eyes like he's not taking my words. "L-Look, I'm Fleur and not pretending anymore. I won't do that again."
And I thought he wasn't still convince on what I've said when he let out a deep sigh and went closer to me until his lips touch my forehead. "I trust you, Fleur... But I want your action, not your words."
A smile slowly crept into my mouth. "Just trust me, Vaughn. I'm willing to prove that I will give you what you want... I'll show you how much I'll love you."
Now, he's the one who continued the topic we're having minutes ago. "Fine... So what do you want to ask me?"
"I just want to sleep more... And can I cuddle you? I still want to stay like this," I told him sincerely.
He tightened his embrace. "Your favors always go beyond my expectations, Fleur... But, I fucking only want them for me. "
It took me seconds before I replied to him. "Only yours, Vaughn... I will only request something like this to you, Rebal..." I shut my eyes when I heard nothing from him anymore. Then when I glanced at him, I saw that he's peacefully sleeping already. I don't know how he fell asleep after just seconds of telling him that, but it was a relief since it will be easy for me to do what my mind wants.
A smile stretched into my lips, but I could feel that my heart suffocates me. I'm now really going to let my mind decide, instead of my heart... I want to complete Vaughn even if I'll take some pieces from me... and now; I want to do the right thing and set aside what my selfish heart wants...
I love him, and he loves me.
Even if we feel the right love, it doesn't mean that this is the right place and the right time to pursue our love... maybe not today, nor tomorrow. Maybe someday it will work... maybe in another lifetime...
_
I DON'T KNOW how many hours I slept, but there's something urging me to wake up. Then the moment I open my eyes, I instantly got what it means, on why I fucking felt like that. When I glanced beside me, seeing that Fleur was already gone.
Feeling how my heart pounds, I immediately rose from the bed and walk outside the room, hoping she just went into the kitchen to eat some food.
An audible sigh left my lips when I saw that she's not in the kitchen or in the living room, but I didn't let my guard down and continued to search for her to some area in my penthouse.
Where did she go? She didn't leave me again, just like what she did before, right?
I shook my head before I fucking give in into my negative thoughts. But after minutes of roaming around my place, that's when I confirmed that she really left me without even informing me!
Fuck! She just went home, right? Or maybe went outside to breathe some fresh air?
With that in my damn head, I took a quick bath and just wore the things I first saw in my fucking closet; I didn't mind if I'm still decent or not.
Afterwards, I step outside of my unit and instantly went in the parking lot. Then when I was about to go inside my car, I heard a beeped from my phone.
I saw it was an unregistered number, and I fucking felt that my heart hammered violently just by staring at the unknown person who messaged me.
Before I read it, I entered my car first and sit in the driver's seat. My eyes widened after opening the message.
It was Fleur who sent me a damn message! I'm fucking sure that this message was from her!
As I read the first paragraph of her message, I already felt that my fucking heart clenches while my damn brain can't function well.
___
I know you're wondering why I'm not there with you anymore. But please, don't look for me, Vaughn because like what I've told you, I won't leave you like what I did before... I'm not planning to let you go instead I'm giving you the thing that's been missing into your life. I want to give you everything just to complete the missing puzzle that left you ever since you were a child. I'm willing to give you some pieces of me just to complete you, my love...
Yet, in order to fulfill that, I must risk my feelings for you. I must know how to limit my heart and let my mind decide...
It's hard for me to come up with this kind of decision but it's the best and the right choice I can make to save the both of us from hurting even more... save you from going against your father. I know I don't have the right to decide for you, but I can't help it since I don't want to engrave more scars into your life. Just forget about meeting someone like me, Vaughn, forget that you've met a Fleur Alainnah Verdone who never stops on loving you, instead remember me as someone who put more scars into you. That I'm the reason why you will taste pain again...
But I won't forget you, my Vaughn. No matter how complicated the situation we have, you will never stop being the one I loved with all my heart... I'll never forget that I had you in my arms even just temporary, that even if we can't continue our love story anymore, my heart will still keep beating for you.
Remember that as long as you won't seek for my presence and keep on seeing me as the woman who inflicted you too much pain, I promise you I would never leave your side. I can still be there with you whenever you needed someone...
And about the family that you'll meet soon, I swear they will be please to meet someone as great as you, Vaughn. I assure you they will welcome you just like how their mother did.
This is Fleur Alainnah Verdone saying goodbye to you, my love... but my heart and soul will never be...
You're the only man I've ever loved and will always be... Hoping that in another lifetime, I can finally be your woman... and I hope you'll still have feelings for me when that lifetime comes...
Until we meet again, my Vaughn Rebal Welsch... not in this lifetime but somewhere on where we can be together as a lover...
-Your Fleur Alainnah Verdone.
___
After reading it, my entire body felt stiff as I dropped my phone into the floor of my car. Then I didn't notice that there were already some hot tears spilling into my cheeks. Unable to move my body while words stuck in my throat, I felt like my heart was slowly dying inside my fucking chest and anytime it could suffocate me.
This was fucking unexpected! We already talked about us and clear the misunderstanding we had, then now she's leaving me again? For the fucking second time because for her it's the right thing and the best thing to save our hearts?!
Her reasons aren't even fucking enough for me to consider! And she's the one who came into my life and leave whenever she pleases?! What does she take my fucking heart for? Fucking made of steel?
She's fucking selfish and unfair! She's always ready every time, while it always left me dumfounded.
Calming myself, I exhaled a sharp breath and slowly dried the tears that flowed into my cheeks. My palm turn into a fist as I recall what's her message all about.
Does she think I need some pieces from her to complete the shattered pieces of my past? I didn't even fucking ask her to fix them for me! I don't need her to repair the scar I have and I don't even fucking care if our love could destroy me even more.
Because it was her, who I wanted not only her pieces... It was only her presence that can make me feel complete... and forgetting her means forgetting how to breathe.
And if she fucking believe that were not meant to be in this lifetime... then the only choice I have is to make her believe that I can make her my destiny. I can rewrite the stars just to make her accept that she's made to be mine and nothing, or not even her could make us apart.
This time, it's my turn to reach for her hand, because even if our love is at rock bottom, even if she'll leave me and keep on running away, I'll try every chance I have to show her that my love for her can override everything.
That even if my love for her can't move mountains, I'll fucking make sure that it can move her heart and change her decision...
_____
_silentMAD