A/N: If you remember it from the movie, I don't own it. I'd like to thank Mircosedy for from fanfiction.net for beta-reading.
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When Once-ler arrived in the hallway of Kat's apartment, he heard music outside her door and saw Billy looking through her mail.
"You'd think she'd get something more interesting," Billy said and looked up to see Once-ler standing in the hallway. "Hey, Once-man, here for the show?"
"What show?" Once-ler asked.
It wasn't until the music was playing words that Once-ler heard Kat singing at the top of her lungs.
"You can dance, you can jive! Oh, having the time of your life!"
Well, Kat wasn't exactly a world class diva but she could carry a tune. Billy was laughing his head off.
"What's so funny?" Once-ler asked, feeling a little defensive.
"Come on, Kat's acting crazy because she thinks no one's around," Billy said, through laughs. "Sadly, this is one of her saner episodes."
"'Saner' episodes?" Once-ler asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Yeah, sometimes she talks to herself and becomes the fourth Charlie's Angel or she's an officer on the U.S.S. Enterprise," Billy explained. "Makes me wonder if the reason she doesn't want to get married is because she knows no sane man will take her."
"Maybe she doesn't want to get married because she's watched you fail at it too many times," Once-ler retaliated, putting his hands on his hips.
Billy narrowed his eyes as he opened the door to find Kat jumping around and continuing to sing until Billy applauded.
"Average singing with horrible dancing," Billy said with a smile as he put the mail on the counter. "Have to say, Sis, you are one epic fail."
Kat's face flushed as she immediately turned the record player off.
"She is not horrible," Once-ler immediately defended. "She just needs lessons."
Kat's eyes narrowed as she turned to Billy and Once-ler's direction.
"If I'm an epic fail, what does that make you?" Kat said to Billy.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Billy asked.
"It means that your dancing summons the devil and your singing could kill small animals," Kat responded with a smug smile.
"Oh yeah? Well at least I don't talk to myself when I think no one's around," Billy said defiantly.
"She just has an imagination and she ends up thinking out loud," Once-ler angrily retorted at Billy, hoping his size would be enough to make Billy back down.
To Once-ler's shock, Kat gave him a look that clearly told him to stay out of this and then she turned to Billy.
"No, you just pleasure yourself to your Dungeons and Dragons character," Kat shot back with a satisfied smirk.
Once-ler couldn't stop himself from bursting into hysterical laughter.
"How the hell do you know that?!" Billy demanded, shocked.
"Billy, the doors are hollow. You really think I can't hear what you get up to in the bathroom?"
"Hey, she's my dream girl," Billy defended. "She walks around in a skimpy bikini, she has 51-1-51 measurements and she jiggles in all the right places,"
This only made Kat and Once-ler laugh harder.
"Billy, you're really not helping your case right now," Kat said through her laughs while grabbing a tape recorder and a bag of Oreos.
"51-1-51?!" Once-ler said hysterically. "How's this woman breathing?!"
Kat and Once-ler kept laughing until they went to the hallway and shut the door.
"You're not worried about leaving Billy alone in your apartment?" Once-ler asked.
"Keep him in front of a TV and he'll be happy for hours," Kat said sarcastically and Once-ler couldn't help but notice that she also sounded a little upset as they walked to the wagon.
"Kat, what's wrong?" Once-ler asked.
"Nothing, I'm fine," Kat said exasperatedly.
"You don't sound fine."
"Then something's wrong with your hearing," Kat remarked sarcastically.
When they got to the wagon, Kat put her tape recorder and bag of Oreos next to Once-ler's marshmallows. Once-ler offered his hand to Kat who brushed it off and boarded it herself. He took the spot right next to her and was about to get Melvin to move but decided against it.
"So, are we going?" Kat asked irritably.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong,"
"Nothing's wrong!"
Once-ler put the reins down.
"This wagon isn't moving until you tell me what's wrong!" he insisted.
"Fine, you want to know what's wrong?!" Kat said angrily. "How about the fact that you got involved in my fight with Billy?!"
"That's what you're upset about?!" Once-ler said in disbelief. "I was trying to defend you!"
"Oh, I get it!" Kat began angrily. "The big strong man comes to the helpless woman's defense! Did it look like I needed your help?!"
"I was just being a gentleman, but you clearly think acting like a jerk is far more respectful!" Once-ler exclaimed.
"No, I just find some so-called 'gentlemen behavior' to be condescending and chauvinistic!"
"Well, tell you what, next time you get attacked I won't lift a finger to help! I'll just stand to the corner and watch as they snatch you away!"
"So, if I can't defend myself, you're just going to let me get abducted or killed!"
Kat's comment took Once-ler completely by surprise.
"No, I didn't mean-," Once-ler said, at a complete loss for words. "What do you want from me?!"
"What I want is for you to respect me enough to realize when I need your help and when I don't!" Kat retaliated. "Are you going to get the wagon started?!"
Once-ler started the wagon and he and Kat stayed in a fuming silence during the trip. The only time Kat even spoke was to give directions. Once-ler was beginning to see Isabella's point about feminists.
Kat spent the rest of the ride fuming. How dare Once-ler think she needed him to fight her battles. What was this, the ye olden days where women were delicate damsels who couldn't do anything without the help of a man? Kat put up with Billy all her life, so she knew how to handle him. They stayed like this until they arrived at Maria's workspace, which was little more than a small red one-story house with a wooden door and large windows covered with blinds on both sides. A moving van was parked outside the building.
"So, this is where Maria lives?" Once-ler asked.
"No, where she works," Kat said. "Or where she will work."
"Hey, guys!" Maria's voice called from the moving van wearing little more than a white see-through tank top, black mini-skirt and black knee-high boots. "You think you could give me a hand here?"
Kat and Once-ler went to the moving van to help Maria move her furniture into the little building with a wooden floor, yellow walls, large windows and white curtains. They placed the white bed in the very left corner, the dark brown night stand a few feet away from it, the dark brown dresser in the right hand corner, the dark brown counter against the back wall in the very middle of the two corners and the little table in the middle of the room slightly to the left. Kat's arms were aching like all hell.
"Please tell me that's all there is," she begged Maria.
"Well, there is one more thing of drawers," Maria teased as Kat groaned.
"I'll get it," Once-ler volunteered as he quickly left, trying very hard not to look at Maria and blushing like mad.
Kat collapsed on the floor and rested her muscles.
"Tired already?" Maria asked leaning against the wall and folding her arms under her breasts.
"You're not?" Kat replied.
"Guess I'm not as weak as you," Maria teased.
"Either that or you're from Krypton," Kat replied sarcastically.
"I see you invited the bard," Maria said as she put her arms to the side and walked to the window.
"You and Ryan are always inviting people to these events," Kat pointed out. "I figured it was my turn."
"You mean other than the time you invited Billy," Maria remarked.
Kat rolled her eyes. "For the last time, I didn't invite Billy. He barged in unannounced," she explained.
"I'm just saying you've come a long way," Maria said, brushing the curtains out of the way and looking out the window. "It feels like just yesterday you were cowering behind trays and asking me for advice."
"Now I'm in a friends with benefits relationship with an old childhood sweetheart," Kat said proudly.
"So, you and the bard aren't serious?" Maria asked.
"Of course not," Kat answered. "If we were, I wouldn't be agreeing to see other people on the side in the first place."
"Then you can go clubbing with me and the gang on Monday," Maria said, pulling the curtains back in front of the window.
"I don't know if I'm dressed for that," Kat said nervously.
"Relax, it's completely casual," Maria reassured her.
"Sure, why not?"
That's when Kat and Maria heard a loud thud outside. Forgetting her momentary anguish, Kat got up and went with Maria to investigate.
"Once-ler, are you okay?!" Kat asked worried.
Once-ler laughed it off. "I'm fine, just got a case of slippery hands," Once-ler said, putting his hand on his forehead.
"Here, I'll take it," A buff man with chestnut brown hair said as he picked up the drawers. "You're lucky that didn't land on your foot."
"Yeah, lucky," Once-ler said disdainfully.
"Hey, Hot Stuff!" Maria greeted, giving the man a sultry look.
"Hey, Babe!" The man greeted back as he headed inside with the drawers.
"I take it that must be Tony," Kat guessed.
"Wait a minute, Tony and Maria?!" Once-ler said with disbelief as he got his guitar out of the wagon.
"Yeah, they met at a party where everyone else blurred out and they could only see each other," Kat joked as she went to the wagon. "It was so romantic."
"Let's hope the Sharks and the Jets don't find out," Once-ler said with fake worry. "The last thing we'd want is a tap dancing street fight."
Kat and Once-ler laughed as he got his guitar as she got her tape recorder, Oreos and marshmallows.
"Hey, Kat," Once-ler said nervously. "I'm sorry about earlier."
"That's okay, I overreacted," Kat said as they walked to the door with their stuff. "Just remember that you don't need to fight my battles for me."
"Strong independent woman, got it," Once-ler said grinning as they entered the building.
* * *
A few minutes later, the door opened to reveal Ryan holding a bag of twinkies.
"Sorry I'm late, guys," Ryan greeted. "What did I miss?"
"For starters, you missed putting the stuff up," Maria said accusingly.
"Then I got here just in time," Ryan said happily.
"Lazy as always," Kat joked.
Ryan laughed. "I can't help it, I was born that way," he defended.
"You also missed Maria's new boyfriend, Tony," Once-ler told him.
"Wait a minute, Tony and Maria?" Ryan said, looking at both the people he mentioned like he was trying to comprehend it. "You two better pray Bernardo never finds out."
Once-ler, Kat and Ryan laughed.
"Okay, if everyone's done making West Side Story jokes-," Maria began.
"Actually, I thought I'd dedicate a song to the lovely couple," Once-ler said as he put his guitar case on the wall, removed it and played. "Maria, Maria. The most beautiful sound I ever heard. Katrina-,"
Kat and Once-ler blushed as he put his guitar down.
"As I was saying, let's get the party started!" Maria exclaimed as she put a container of vegan chocolate chip cookies on the table. Ryan placed his Twinkies next to them and Kat added the Oreos and marshmallows to the pile. Then she placed her tape recorder on the dresser.
"I got the stuff," Tony said, as he removed a Ziploc bag of crushed green powder from the top left dresser drawer. "Is everyone ready?"
"Hold on," Kat said, pressing the record button and taking her place at the table. "Now I'm ready."
* * *
It wasn't long until the whole place was filled with smoke. Maria lit a stick to cover up the smell of the weed with the strong sweet smell of incense.
"I'm telling you, Greg and Marcia are secretly attracted to one another," Maria insisted.
Kat inhaled the smoke and let its calming effects take over, passing the stick to Once-ler when she was done.
"Greg and Marcia are siblings, that'd be sick," Ryan said disgusted.
"They're not siblings by blood," Tony pointed out.
"Doesn't matter, they're still siblings," Once-ler argued. "It would still be wrong."
"Since Mike and Carol married when Greg and Marcia already went through puberty, I don't think it'd be that disgusting," Kat suggested. "It would be like if my mom married a man who had a 20-year-old son."
"I love the Bradies," Once-ler said dreamily. "They're so happy and perfect."
"They did make Peter go to a party he never wanted to go to in the first place," Tony remarked.
"And, when Peter switched places with a kid that looked just like him, everyone was completely fooled," Ryan agreed.
"Don't forget that family is a market for con-artists," Kat suggested as everyone stared at her. "Come on, that perfect and trusting family. All someone would have to do is come to their doorstep claiming to be a long lost relative or steal their mail so they can't get the tax notice on time."
"Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Maria asked.
"Because I'm the writer," Kat said proudly and then her mood changed when she said the next thing. "Even if I haven't gotten anything published yet."
"You know what they should do?" Tony asked. "They should make a sitcom about screwed-up families instead of these perfect bubbly ones we keep getting all the time."
"They also need to start selling salads at fast food places," Ryan suggested. "Think about it, if you work all the time and want to stick to a diet, you can get a salad just like that."
"Even better, low-calorie TV dinners," Kat suggested. "For those of us who are inept at cooking and want to go on a diet."
"That's amazing," Maria exclaimed. "I am so happy that you record all of this, Kat."
Kat took an Oreo from the bag.
"Kirk, Spock and McCoy are just like an Oreo cookie," Kat contemplated. "Spock and McCoy are the rough cookie and Kirk's the soft creamy center." Kat broke the cookie apart, licked the white stuff off and giggled. "I just ate Kirk." Then she ate the two cookies and let the chocolate melt in her mouth. "Now I just ate Spock and McCoy. I'm a monster."
"Speaking of monsters, if the ones from Tokyo had a band it would be Godzilla on drums, Mothra would be lead singer," Once-ler contemplated this for a few minutes.
Kat couldn't help sneaking a glance at Once-ler, thinking about how cute he looked trying to be serious while wearing that fedora on his head.
"Yoink!" Kat shouted as she yanked the fedora off his head and put it right on top of hers.
"Hey, give that back!" Once-ler said, on the verge of laughter.
"You'd have to catch me first," Kat said, laughing along with him as she ran to the closet.
"Nowhere to go," Once-ler said between laughs.
"You're right, I've been bad," Kat said as she rubbed the palm of her hand on his cheek suggestively. "Guess I need to be punished."
Once-ler shut the closet door.
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A/N: Again, I've never been high so I hope I did a good job writing stoners. Most of those comments came from the Brady Bunch movies of the 90s. I know this chapter is pretty much filler, but I thought it had decent character interaction, which I focus on far more than plot in my writing. Can't have a good story without good characters. I took a break from this fanfic to write Halloween Havoc for Once-ler/OC week on deviantart. Feel free to check it out and think of it as a preview for what's to come in this story. I also started a Deep Space Nine fanfic called Mind Games. Also, feel free to leave a comment. After all, this fanfic is a vehicle and comments are my fuel.