I live in a very good family. Every neighbour and all of my teachers always say: that kid is from a very nice family.
I have heard it a million times before. It's a quite interesting topic which is worth analyzing.
Why is my family so good?
My dad married my mom at the age of 27. She happily said yes, after finishing all of her studies. Their wedding was on July 16th. The weather was nice. No rain.
They already knew that they wanted kids only after a couple years. Just as planned, after a few years I showed up. I was expected and waited, not on accident. So I guess that I'm from a good family. End of discussion.
Our private life is also calm and surprisingly relaxing. It's like a calmly flowing river without any disturbance.
Dad is a police officer and mom is a music teacher at a music shcool. Both of them are respected individuals of society. Both are busy people with many unfinished things that they have to do and both seem pleased with that.
Dad's job is hard and it needs his full attention, so he usually comes back home late. Sometimes even when me and mom are already heading to bed.
At times like that - he doesn't even talk to us. He just takes off his uniform, shoes and heads to the shower. At those nights I fall asleep while listening to the flowing water. I fail to hear how he finishes his shower and walks out of the bathroom. How he quickly goes to the kitchen and grabs something to eat before heading to bed himself.
After the night shifts he usually comes back only in the morning, somewhere around 8am. That's when I get ready to go to school. During those days his face is free of any emotions other than tiredness.
We pass eachother in the hall without saying a word to one another. I leave and he goes back to sleep once again.
He's catching thieves and bad guys, solves murder cases and all kinds of burglary cases. That's why he's so respected. All his friends call him up and want to chat. All neighbours greet him with their heads down.
When all the old ladies, that live arounds us, see him - they put their hands on their hearts and say: oh, our guardian angel is here, we can sleep safely now.
But why is he a guardian angel? Just because he goes out and comes back home with his gun?
When he stopped a drug deal with that gun and arrested the bad guys - the newspaper even wrote about it. His picture was at the front of the page. Everone read about it.
But he has a son that no one respects. A son who doesn't even have one true friend. I wonder if he knows about that...
I would like to ask him what does he even know about me. We bearly even see each other after all. He works, I study, I come home and he comes back home. Both of our shoes are placed next to each others in the hall but our time doesn't match. Our lives are different. The only thing we have in common is our last name and the same DNA.
I would like to talk with him, but I don't know about what? Just not about my grades and the exams that are waiting at the end of spring. It seems like he only cares about that.
"So, how are you doing? How much did you get on your tests?'' that's all he ever asks me.
Oh and also:
"Do you need money? Do you have any money?''
I have money. I have everything that I need: expensive shoes, newest phone, headphones, clothes, a gaming setup, a computer, a driver's license and so on. When the time comes I'll also have a car but I don't have a boyfriend. You can't buy that, can you...?
I would like to ask my dad if he dated anyone besides my mom in school but I can't. I would also like to ask him what to do when you want to kiss someone. Do you take their hand first or do you crease their cheek? But I also can't do that.
On one hand because I rarely see him and on the other hand because... well i don't know why. He's my father but it almost seems as if he's not...? It's like he's just a human that I bearly know. Incognito with a uniform and that's all.
And with people that you bearly know - you don't talk about such stuff.
Mom is a whole different story but that isn't better either. She, opposite from dad, butts in my life way too much and it pisses me off. She's like a deux ex machina, which ancient greeks believed in.
It's also hard to go agains her wishes. I always have to act like how she wants because she "knows best". She's the only one who - appearently - knows how I should live my life. She and not me. I just need to listen.
Well truth be told - it's my own fault that I don't say anything. I always lacked the bravery and will-power for that.
I remember when I was just a little kid, maybe in the 3rd grade, when my private life was threatened for the first time. One day my mom just took me to a music school and put me in piano lessons. I just stood by her side, wide-eyed, not able to say anything.
"I really love the piano tune." mom kept saying with this strange spark in her eyes. "Oh how I would like it, if Taehyung played it."
She kept telling that to some woman that I had never seen in my life. Later I found out that she was mom's colleague who taught piano lessons. She just kept smilling and agreeing with whatever my mom said.
Who doesn't like piano - isn't human.
And the boy is talented, he'll have something to do.
I never liked piano but I never told my mom that, because someone who doesn't like piano - isn't human.
For the next 8 years I kept walking to those classes, after school. I couldn't hide or run away because mom felt the need to come to my every piano lesson.
During those 8 years I hated her like my worst enemy. I used to feel this strange wave, inside of me, so hot and dangerous, getting more and more unbearable with every passing day. I just wanted to smash those piano keys and walk out...
But I didn't do it. I know that I am a coward so that's why I played at different events all those years and didn't even say half a word.
But that wasn't enough for mom. She wants all of me and all of my time. She needs to know with who I am and what I'm doing every minute of my life. She's afraid to miss something important in her son's life, so that's why she calls me at least 3 times a day. When I can't take it anymore, I raise my voice and tell her that everything is fine and that she doesn't have to call me. In those situations she also raises her voice at me:
"Kim Taehyung, don't you dare let yourself talk to me like that!''
Shortly said - it's a true hell hole. In my 17 years of living, I have gathered enough experience and can tell you today - that living under one roof with my parents - you have to be ready for anything. Like a firefighter or an astrounat.
First of all - they are always ready to disturb me. Second of all - they are unpredictable! One day you'll have to play the piano to them, another - cut all the vegetables for a salad and on another day - fly into space! And all it takes is for them to want it. Sometimes they think of the most dumest things ever.
One evening I overheard my parents talking in the living room. They thought that I was in my room, listening to music but instead there I was - listening to their every word.
"What are you thinking?" dad asked.
"There you go again. Have you gone crazy?"
Mom's voice was strange - as if she was mad, but also as if she was laughing. She was clearly surprised.
"It's bad that he's growing up alone. People say one kid - isn't a kid. You know that"
"You're talking like it's super easy"
"I'm not saying that it's easy. I'm saying that we can think about it, right?"
"Why are you even thinking about this?"
"Think about it, life would be different once again...Taehyung wouln't be alone anymore. He would have someone to lean on"
"We're already living a nice life"
"That's exactly why we can let ourselfes have another child"
I didn't listen any further. I quickly grabbed my headphones and put them in my ears, while turning up the volume of my music.
"We can let ourselfes?"
Do all grown ups talk about kids like they're some kind of objects? Are kids made just because you can let yourself?
Horrible.
That time, their conversation ended there and I went to bed with my headphones.
Does that mean that soon I could have a brother or a sister?
It was horrible to even think about it. I realized that I wasn't ready for that. What I didn't understand was: why do parents don't talk about another child planning with their already born children?
As time went on, a brother nor a sister arrived, which made me happy. And now - there's a whole new year in front of me.
Gosh, life passes by so quick.