Can
He's starting to sense me, I'm sure of it, something is changing.
Sanem is beginning to feel my presence, I can feel it.
I have started working and from the roof and the windows of the building I can keep an eye on the courtyard that divides the construction site from the pavilion that houses Sanem.
I saw Emre and Layla coming to visit and then Mevkibe with Nihat, it was a squeeze in my heart to see their distressed expressions, I feel terribly guilty for the pain I have caused Sanem and by reflection also to them but, I swear, I am trying to remedy my mistakes in every way.
I moved into the guesthouse and discovered that during what is my lunch break the patients, given the clement weather of this early fall, are escorted to the garden for a few hours.
I started to spy on her from afar, my heart tightened as I saw her sitting there, motionless, her gaze blank, unable to relate to those around her, absent.
Slowly I came out of the closet trying to get into her field of vision.
At first she didn't seem to feel my presence, then something changed, I saw her tilt her head to one side several times with a questioning attitude, as if she was wondering if what she was seeing was true, I'm sure she is beginning to perceive me.
One Saturday afternoon, when I was resting from work, I watched her for a long time in the garden, she seemed more responsive, she looked directly into my eyes for an interminable time, I raised my hand as if to greet her and again she tilted her head and wrinkled her forehead questioningly.
When the nurse came to take her back inside, she gave me a long, intent look as if she wanted to say something.
Without making me realize it, I followed her, it was now visiting hours so I managed to blend in with the relatives passing through the corridor of the ward and I could see which room she was being taken to.
I went back outside and tried to find my way around the building to see which window was the window of her room, I peeked through the curtains and saw her lying on her side with her face towards me, her eyes closed.
My heart clenched at the sight of that vital and enthusiastic woman, whom I loved so much, reduced to a shadow of her former self, dead and absent in a hospital bed. Seeing her like that brought tears to my eyes, but that heartbreaking scene strengthened even more my determination to remedy the disaster I had unwittingly caused with my pride and stubbornness.
I waited until evening and returned to the French door in her room, instinctively trying to push the sash to discover that, fortunately for me, it was defective and would not close properly.
With a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't seen, I entered the darkened room. Sanem was in bed asleep, I approached and my heart clenched with emotion and tenderness at the sight of that helpless woman I loved so deeply.
My hands, as if moved by my own will, caressed her cheek and her hair, I heard her sigh... how beautiful she was!
- Sanem, come back to me, please -
- Sanem, Seni çok seviyorum, I love you so much -
- Ashkım, my love, come back to me lütfen, please -
Since then I've come back to her every night, I talk to her at length, I tell her what I imagine for our future together, I beg her to come back to me, I hear her sigh at my caresses...
- Come back to me Sanem, lütfen aşkım.