♜
"where would anyone awaiting a court be held in the castle?" i crossed my arms over my chest, nodding towards her to make sure she stepped aside.
we could risk being seen without much worry, but it would be best if it was avoided entirely.
"either beneath the castle or in a secluded building on the east side," bexley calmly followed the two servants passing the stairs closely with her eyes, near us, before providing me with an answer.
i nodded slowly, my glance drifting away for a moment. i still hadn't gotten a completed look around the grounds meaning i couldn't pinpoint either location she had mentioned.
"he challenged the king, didn't he?"
i frown, meeting her eyes. "excuse me?" i say.
"the walls crawl with rumors, they always have." bexley smiles, checking behind her. the hallway is empty, usually is, at this time of day.
"let's move down," i take her hand, leading her down the stairs. there were barely any spots around here where you wouldn't be overheard; even your thoughts were counted.
i had struggled with sleeping since returning to the castle a day or two ago by now. the eyes that had followed me around in aeston kept me awake, or at least, made me feel like i had to stay awake to keep myself safe.
apperently, closed sets of doors on all sides of the castle and dozens of guards outside and inside wasn't safe enough. not for me, and that constant knot in my stomach.
so, i had met bexley earlier this morning, to help her with her usual early routine. when she got the early shift, which was four out of seven days in the week, she would get up at 4, start her rounds at 5, and usually she could manage to finish at around 10.
"this should fit you," bexley pointed to a maids outfit that had been folded and placed on one of the top shelves in her closet.
we had quickly made our way down here, and we needed to leave as soon as i looked ordinarily enough to blend in amongst other workers.
bexley braided my hair down my back, put a few clips in it where i had shorter pieces in the front, and after i had changed, we left for her rounds.
i followed her around for the hours it took, while we slipped in conversation here and there.
she had information i needed on where wesley could be, and how to get in and out without being noticed.
i helped her with cleaning, waking up guests in the castle, and another handful of small tasks along the way.
at around 9.30, however, we came to a halt. being two people had sped up the process of her work, but as soon as we moved on to her last task, it all slowed down again.
the carrier boys.
every morning the castle received new supplies, some were delivered during the night and throughout the morning carrier boys would spread them around. get them where they needed to be.
edible packages were brought to the kitchen and pantry, fabrics and other materials were brought to the seamstresses and so on. but the carrier boys were indeed, well, boys.
they were, without a doubt, the at-most immature beings i had ever encountered. i had never met anyone like them.
"where to?" the eldest, adam, had asked for the fourth time. i was well aware he would ignore my answer, so i chose not to give him one.
"some people are born to give others headaches so the ones who are born to cure them don't get bored," bexley whispers in my ear, and i can't help but chuckle.
"what's so amusing?" one of them asked. i glanced over my shoulder to watch him sitting on a curb, eating his third apple out of his package.
"deliver that to the kitchen!" i exclaim, nearing him to force him up on his feet.
he stumbles to regain his balance, especially with a heavy load in his arms, but he finds it, and runs off across the front yard. "unbelievable," i mumble, turning back to face bexley.
her eyes are wide as she watches something behind me, but when i attempt to glance over my shoulder, she grabs me.
her hands grab the sides of my arms as she steps forward, close enough to reach me and hold me in place. my head snaps back to her, as i frown deeply.
"keep your eyes on me," she whispers, still eyeing whatever is happening nearby.
my heart picks up the pace as i worry on what she is keeping out of my eyesight, but soon, i know exactly what she is doing.
the voices grow louder as the men approach us, making their way towards the castle.
"what would you have expected?" king north asked, as his footsteps neared us from behind.
"nothing like it." harry replied, amusement clear in his voice.
bexley tightened her grip on me, the pure instinct informing me that they were close. i glanced away, pretending to look for something in between the goods that were stacked besides us.
slowly, a finger traced its way across my back, from side to side, just above my hips. my eyes widened, but i kept still. the finger made its way across, and disappeared as the men all passed us and continued on their way across the courtyard.
i straighten my back, shortly glancing upwards.
he meets my eyes, a smirk dancing on his lips as he lets his arm fall to his side, before turning his back to me and focusing on the conversation going on around him.
i stand back, stunned. it had been two days since we had last even seen one another, the last time we touched completely out of my recollection.
yet, it felt so.... familiar.
"took you long enough," i speak, as my door is closed behind belle.
he chuckles. "i was stuck in training most of the day." he looks up. "training that allow me to protect you, dumbass."
"i can-" i was cut off by faint whispering. i spun around, looking for the direction it was coming from, but found absolutely nothing.
i ended up facing the windows, watching how the moon had risen faster than i had expected. stripes of white light were penetrating my room, most of my skin highlighted by it.
i could hear belle speaking behind me, but he suddenly felt distant enough to be miles away. his voice has been turned down, my sole focus on the whispering. i recognized the voices but i struggled with hearing most of their words.
"she's fragile." north said.
i closed my eyes, moving closer to the glass, allowing more stripes to decorate my skin. the moonlight had a cooling effect on my body, one that created a temporary sanctuary of calmness.
a spot where my mind wouldn't run in millions of directions simultaneously.
"she'll never fit her crown." a voice i couldn't put a face on, spoke.
"we can never put all value in that statement."
"but we cannot run such risks with our kingdom at stake, my king."
"i'm aware." north says. i can hear his footsteps as he moves.
my eyes are closed as i follow along with the conversation. the room around me disappears as i concentrate harder than i've ever done before, their words disappearing the moment i forget to listen.
"she's always been this way. broken in more ways than possible." north says.
"uncountable is not a state for a queen to be in, even if previously."
my stomach twists, as i bite my lip. fragile, broken, wrong.
i shake my head just in time to feel a pair of hands grab my hips. i spin around, my eyes wide.
"earth calls grey," belle speaks softly. "grey." he repeats my name as i fail to reply.
"yes," i whisper, but my throat closes. the word breaks off, and i swallow to regain any moisture in my throat.
"you worry me." he says. "all the time."
"do you remember when you asked me why i continued to glue together the pieces he broke?" i ask, meeting his eyes for a short second before backing away.
i spin around on my heels, facing the window, blocking out the voices this time. i had no desire to hear anymore of their words.
"you asked why i would continue to glue together pieces that i knew wouldn't heal." i continue. "pieces that i never broke in the first place."
"i want to be able to support you. but you make it incredibly difficult by pushing me away at a constant."
albelle nears me from behind, finding a spot besides me in the window.
out in the distance, i recognize them. the eyes. the ones that had been burning holes into my back for days on end at this point. they were dark, barely visible in the darkness surrounding, but i knew where to look.
"no one ever asked me what i wanted." i mumble. "no one ever asked me; if i had had a choice, would i still have chosen to fall in love with him?"
"would you?" he asks.
"it hurts you to see me hurting, doesn't it?" i ask.
"like hell."
"would you chose not to meet me if you had known that, back then? that i would cause you pain like this?"
"no." belle says, attempting to meet my eyes but i avoid it. "no, i wouldn't."
my stare is caught in the eyes. the ones glaring at me from the forest line.
they always seem to keep distance, but they feel closer than any person ever could. always watching, waiting, remembering.
"you're distant." a voice sounds from behind.
belle flicks around, my ears catching his shock. i can hear his heartbeat pounding in my ears like was i listening to my own blood pumping.
my own heart follows belle's, but i know the reaction before it even comes.
i recognize the feeling, the scent that fills the room. he's here.
"you'll drown in your thoughts if you never learn to control them." he continues.
"my king," albelle bows shortly, lowering his head. he keeps his posture hard, however, lowering his voice to seem less nervous.
the king nods in his direction, but keeps his stare on me. i feel it, as it creates bubbles of what could be described as pinches on the skin of my back.
"thank you, albelle. i'll keep my eye on her for the remaining hours of today." north sends harvey on his way, staying quiet until he has left the room.
the door falls shut behind him with a heavy click, as i move closer to the window sill. the glass is cold as i rest my forehead on it, taking in a deep breath i hold in my lungs for a bit longer than useful.
"something is on your mind." he begins slowly.
"clearly."
"spirals?" he questions, my eyes wide.
my heart takes a leap, as it sinks in my chest, that one word taking me back a few years.
spirals.
i had been suffering from them since being born. my mind was a twisted, dark place, and i often fell into spirals of thoughts. endless spirals that could lead on for days on end.
i convinced myself that nothing was wrong, because truly, nothing was wrong. i had no actual reason to be upset. to be scared, to be anything but good. but i wasn't.
mercer had been one of the only people who could see straight through the smile i put on. one of the few who saw my spirals in motion and not because i chose to show them.
"no." i finally say.