Oh, I don't have you
here with me
But at least I have the memory
I try to make
it through the night
But I can't control my mind
Thinking Bout you -
Ariana Grande
Melissa
I really should stop crying, I've been weeping in Amanda's arms ever since I arrived at the apartment and she opened the door. The words he uttered swirled in my head like an endless loop and continued to haunt me nonstop. Perhaps I should've confronted him, I did look for him, though, but Andreia told me he had left, and deep down I was thankful for it. And I knew if I stayed In that house any longer I would've buckled and probably stayed.
I will never be able to forget Juniors' reaction when I told him, he broke down in a way I had never seen before. I was aware he wouldn't be happy with my decision, but it was beyond what I imagined. I feel like the worst human being on the planet.
My heart throbbed the moment I decided to take that damn piece of paper out and write that stupid note. I had to though. I had to tell him all that and it seemed like the easier way to do so.
Everything I lived until now was solely a brief getaway from my reality, I was stupid to think my life could ever be anything similar to that. I had to get out of there before I was submerged in too deep. But unfortunately, I reckon it was already too late.
"Mel, tell me what happened, I thought you were happy there," Amanda grabbed me from my thoughts while holding me tightly.
"I was..." I whispered between tears. "At least for a bit..."
"Then tell me what's wrong," she was evidently confused.
"I messed up Ame," I whimpered, sitting up, now staring at her.
"What do you mean?" I peeked beside me to make sure clary was still asleep and then returned my gaze back to Amanda.
"I fell in love with him," my voice cracked. Saying this out loud hurt more than it should've.
"Who?" I signed.
"Cristiano," I watched as her eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth.
"Shut up!" she yelled, audible enough for anyone in this street to hear. Clary shifted slightly but thankfully her peaceful breathing returned. "Oopsie," she noticed.
"Let me guess, you confessed and he fired you?" I shook my head sobbing, if only it was that simple.
"Did something happen between you two." she got excited.
"Yes, I guess you could say that," she clapped her hands exuberantly, showcasing her excitement.
"Tell me everything," she paused. "Wait, is it pg," she pointed at my sister. "Or should I cover her ears," she joked.
"We only kissed," I quickly declared before she got any ideas. "A few times, " I added as a mumble, deep down, hoping she didn't hear it.
But she did.
"You're kidding, omg look at you," Amanda could barely contain her enthusiasm. And yet again checked if Clare showed any signs of waking up, and when she didn't, she raised a question. "How far did you two go? Did he force you-"
I instantly interrupted her. "Oh God no, sadly everything that happened I did it in my own free will," and I hate how I don't actually regret anything, all those times he kissed me will probably remain engraved in my head forever, serving as a painful reminder of how much I already miss him.
His lips are addictive, sometimes I try to find words that can describe exactly the range of emotions that strike me everytime our lips touch. It's truly the most pleasurable feeling I've ever experienced.
And I hate how I couldn't even imagine doing that with anyone else besides him.
"I thought that perhaps he liked me back..." I wiped the tears off my face. "But I was wrong, he never felt anything towards me."
"How do you know that? Did he tell you?" She asked and I shook my head.
"I overheard a phone conversation between him and one of his friends. He told him I meant nothing to him." I could literally feel my shattered heart inside my chest.
"Are you sure you heard it correctly?" I nod, his words were pretty clear.
"Im so sorry Mel..." she muttered, smiling sympathetically. "What do you want to do now?"
"Sleep and try to forget."
"Will you be able to do that?"
"I don't know..." I said frankly. "But I have to try, I really want to stop thinking about him, it hurts you know, and what hurts even more is that I'm aware I won't be able to stop anytime soon, and that deep inside I don't want to stop myself from thinking about him. I don't want to forget about him just yet. And that's why I'm truly miserable. Does that make any sense?" I took a deep breath to calm myself from crying again. I really hate crying, especially in front of people.
Amanda was looking at me with wide eyes, trying to think of an answer.
"I'll say yes, even though my answer is actually a no..." she gave me a forced smile and a chuckle.
"I really hate myself right now, all I can think about is him, what he said to Marcelo, what he is going to say when he finds the note I left him, whether he's going to care that I left or not, whether he's going to miss me and think about me as much as I do think about him, or he'll just forget about me or that we ever crossed paths. Ugh here I go crying again," I wailed, crossing my arms annoyed, acting like a child.
"I doubt it, I'm one hundred percent sure you're the most stunning, sweetest, and sexiest female to ever crossways with him," I chuckled at her attempt to make me feel better. "And he's just a dick, he doesn't deserve you,"
"Thanks," I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized it was close to 11 o'clock already. I was exhausted.
"Well how about you hop in the shower while I go get you something to eat?" she suggested and I gladly approved, a shower is truly what I need right now.
Walking over to clary, still passed out on the couch, I picked up the little girl and went up to our room, I still have no idea where the three of us are going to sleep but I'm sure we'll manage.
Just like Junior, Clary didn't take the news very well, both probably hate me right now, but for once in my life, I had to be a little selfish. And maybe in the future, they'll understand I did what I had to do.
After five minutes or so under the steamy water, it was enough to basically drive me insane. Crazy how literally everything made me think about him. The feeling of his hands on my body is something I will never be able to demolish from my senses entirely.
After I got out of the bathroom I tried my best to find the most comfortable thing I had inside my suitcase, which to be more specific happened to be a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt.
And after I got dressed, I shook Clary awake, she had been asleep for around 3 hours now, she had to eat something.
"Hey baby, it's time to eat, " I said gently, she pouted and turned to her side.
"Not hungui," I take it she's still mad at me.
"I didn't ask, come, baby, you need to eat something, Amanda made your favorite." at least tried to. I wanted to add but fought against it. Cooking is not really her best forte.
The night rolled by incredibly fast and before I knew it, I was already being woken up by Amanda's annoying phone alarm. She turned it off and tumbled out of bed. I did the same, knowing I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.
"Are you coming back to the Petshop?" she asked sipping on a mug of coffee.
"Maybe, if they have a space for me," I shrugged, I still have some money I saved up from my last paycheck. I'll be able to survive a few weeks in case I have to look for a job somewhere else that isn't the pet shop.
"Mel if you want, I can give you your job back, it was yours, to begin with." she offered, taking my hand in hers.
"No, don't even think about it, it's yours, I'll find something else." I ensured her.
It certainly isn't fair. It's not her fault my life fell apart. I gave her the job, it belongs to her.
"Okay, I have to go downstairs now, our lovely neighbor said she needs to talk to me," I immediately knew who she was talking about by her tone of voice.
"Has she been giving you much trouble?" I enquired giggling.
"Miss Gloria? You think? She could practically be mistaken for an angel." One thing I certainly did not miss was Miss Gloria. I wonder how she'll react once she finds out I'm back.
"Be back in a sec," she called out before I heard the door close.
After I took another quick shower and got dressed, and was about to start preparing Clary's breakfast I realized Amanda was out of milk. Just wonderful. I really didn't want to go out today, but if Clary doesn't have at least a cup of milk in the morning, her already chaotic mood will only aggravate. And I really can't have that.
I heard three knocks on the door and frowned confused, why would she knock when she could just come right in?
I shrugged the confusion off and walked over to open it.
"Amanda, I think I'm going to go to the-" my voice trailed off as I eyed not only Cristiano but also Ricardo on the other side of the door.
"What are you doing here," I felt my heart suddenly pound against my heart so powerfully to a point where it actually ached.
His eyes scammed my entire body from head to toe and I instantly felt unbelievably vulnerable against his gaze.
We continued to stare at each other without uttering a word. I did not expect to see him this soon.
"I guess we'll give you two a little privacy..." Ricardo broke the silence that had settled, and I looked at him for the first time, did he know about us already? I wondered.
"I'm not going anywhere," Amanda asserted with her hands on her hips.
"Come on peaches, they need to talk," I frowned at the two.
"I swear to God if you call me-" I decided to interfere.
"Ame it's fine," I assured her with a discrete nod.
"I'll be downstairs, if he tries anything, scream," Cristiano scoffed and rolled his eyes annoyed.
"This is ridiculous, you know darn well we need to talk, " he spoke through clenched teeth, he was pissed. But why? Wasn't this what he wanted?
"I'll be fine Ame, " I re ensured her and she finally gave in.
"Fine, but keep in mind, the threat still stands," I watched as she lifted up her index finger and with her other hand used two fingers to slowly act out a motion of cutting it in half. Both men winced evidently uncomfortable and I could only watch with a confused look plastered on my face.
"Okay, now that's a very explicit and disturbing image i'll never be able to forget, can we go now?" Ricardo asked. Amanda grinned and turned towards the stairs. "Hold on peaches," he called out.
"Call me peaches again, I dare you," was the last thing I heard before Cristiano shut the door and glared at me with those bright hazel eyes that for some reason looked darker than usual.
"Why?" was the only thing he said as he approached me.
"What do you mean?" I suddenly forgot how to breathe.
"Why did you leave without a fucking explanation," I could see he was trying to stay calm.
"I did give you an explanation," I shot back, praying Clary didn't notice what was happening out here.
"You did? Where? In that stupid note you left behind?" my heart clenched. He took a step closer to me and I, out of instinct took two back.
"If you had read the stupid note you would've-" my words were cut short when he shortened the small distance between us.
"I read the fucking note, and half of it isn't even close to the whole truth, for fucks sake, if you had just waited until I got back, none of this would've happened," he whispered, staring deeply into my eyes.
"What do you mean?" I pushed him away, suddenly feeling like I could breathe again.
"You're so naive Melissa, can you not see what you do to me?" I could simply stare at him with narrowed eyes and my heart beating at a rapid speed against my chest.
I can't do this again, I can't fall back into his trap.
"I think you should leave," I diverted my gaze to the door behind him. His intimidating gape made me feel all sorts of things and I didn't like that at all.
"What?" he asked incredulously.
"I've made my decision, I hope you can respect that," I swivelled towards the door, feeling overwhelmed and slightly intoxicated from his scent.
As I strolled towards the door in order to kick him out. I heard footsteps approaching me and before I could turn around or make a run for it I was pushed against it and I yelped in surprise. Cristiano had one arm wrapped around my waist and the other against the door by my head. Keeping me trapped in place. I saw his eyes dilate and my knees buckled over our dangerous proximity.
"What do I have to do to make you see how much power you have over me," he mumbled staring at my lips. This escalated way too quickly. I literally made a vow yesterday to try and forget he ever existed and here I was not even twenty-four hours later in his arms, weak on my knees trying my best to maintain the obscure notions from dominating my mind completely.
He had his entire body against mine. And when I tell you I could feel every square inch of it, I truly mean it.
"Cristi..." I closed my eyes feeling him blow on my neck. I jerked my hips up from the sudden feeling and to my misery, I ended up rubbing against his lower region. He groaned and I had to bite my lip in order to secure any type of inappropriate sound from escaping my lips.
"Stop.." I was able to let out, trying to focus solely on what my head was telling me to do instead of my heart.
"Is that what you really want?" he continued to torture me by grasping my hips harder, writhing them against him, and depositing delicious nibbles along my neck. I could feel goosebumps decorating the skin his fingers touched. And my sudden arousal increased to a point where I was matching his fierce movements.
"Cris..." I moaned, why did I want to kiss him so bad.
Though before I had the chance to finally give in to my temptations. The sound of a door caught our attention. Our heads immediately twirled towards the bedroom, hearing the doorknob twist. Clary.
He let go of me swiftly and readjusted his pants, I blushed realizing the effect I had on him.
"Clis?" She smiled. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she ran toward him and he promptly took her in his arms.
"Hi little one," I fidgeted with my fingers, not ready to face him just yet after what happened. How could he look so serene right now?
"Did you come to get us?" I signed. His presence was only going to bring us back to stage one.
"No Clary, in fact, he's leaving," I deterred growing more irritated than I already was.
"I wanna go with you," I stared at her completely speechless.
"You can't little one, " she pouted again, they were practically ignoring me. His face drifted closer to my sisters' ears and he mumbled something which unfortunately I could not make out what it was.
But whatever it was seemed to have changed her mood thoroughly.
"Really?" she asked excitedly, and once he bobbed his head, she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.
"Clary, can you please go to the bedroom?" I felt my patience running thin. She glanced at Cristiano and once he gave her a slight nod she paced back to where she came from. What the hell just happened. Was I losing my sister to this idiot?
"What did you tell her?"
"Its a secret between me and her," he smirked, and I immediately felt the urge to nudge it off his face.
"Why are you here?" I asked again, crossing my arms, but once I noticed his eyes on my chest area, I immediately uncrossed them. God can't he be just a little less obvious.
He took a deep breath before finally speaking, "Yesterday... When I went to look for you and found that stupid note instead, I lost my mind Mel. And realized I might have been already too late. I thought I had lost you. You have no idea how much I regret everything I did to you, you didn't deserve any of it."
"But please try to understand, you made me feel things I have never experienced before. I was truly terrified of how head over heels I already was for you." my mouth was hanging low in a shocked and confused reaction.
"If you had let me explain everything before you left you would've known," I shook my head, convinced he was not telling the truth, and even if he was, the fact he was still in a relationship made me sick to my stomach.
"Please just go Cristiano, I'm tired of this back and forth. You say the sweetest things but then not even one day later, you're making out with another woman in front of me." I turned my back on him, not wanting to show my vulnerable state.
"Mel didn't you see the news? I br-" I could already feel multiple tears scrolling down my face.
"I really don't want to hear, just go." I wiped my face, before whimpering, "please."
"God Melissa, can't you just listen for once." his voice raised and I shivered.
Just as he was about to open his mouth again, the front door was practically yanked open. Revealing Amanda on the other side.
"I hope you two are finished because if I spend another second beside him, I will probably end up hurting him," she said glaring at Ricardo. Who had his typical smug look on him.
"We are."
"We aren't," we both said at the same time.
"Great," Amanda ignored Cristiano and barged inside the apartment. I avoided his vital stare and prayed he would just leave already.
"Keep this," he said, tossing what looked like my old phone on the couch. Why was he giving me that. He bought it.
"Wait-" he was already gone. Was I perhaps too harsh? I marvelled at it for a few seconds.
No, I agreed on. that's nothing compared to what he put me through.
"What happened?" Ricardo enquired.
"Why are you still here again?" my friend asked, Ricardo, winked at her.
"I'm not talking to you peaches,"
"Nothing," I shrugged my shoulders, strolling over to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
"Look, I have to go before he leaves without me, which I'm sure he will in a second, but just know that he truly does like you, I've never seen him this whipped," he said, I studied him, looking for any signs of mockery, but failed to do so.
"Hard to believe that when he can't even break up with Estephany." I swallowed.
"Estephany?" I nodded, and he let out a loud laugh, "She's out of the picture darling, they broke up, if you don't believe me, just check any tabloid in the city." he tried not to laugh.
"He didn't tell me that..."
"Did you give him a chance?" I remained quiet, incapable of finding anything suitable to say.
"Just think about it. He likes you, believe me, I know he was a prick but he's trying to make it up to you, I promise." I tried my best on giving him a smile in a form of a thank you. He gave me a quick hug before departing my house.
"God, what a dick," I heard Amanda mumble, with her eyes on the door. "An irresistible, hot dick though." I glared at her securing a laugh.
"What did you say?"
"Huh? What did I say?" She woke up from her daydream.
"That's what I asked," she rolled her eyes and opened the fridge.
"So what are you going to do about Cr7? From what I saw I don't think what you told me is true," I closed my eyes and sobbed.
That's a very good question.