After the whole encounter with Hyungwon and hours of Wonho cheering me up with cuddles, food, and doing whatever my little heart desired, I felt completely and utterly exhausted mentally and physically. All I wanted to do now was pass out into a deep slumber and forget that this whole day had ever took place. But something deep down inside of me couldn't shake off a certain feeling when Hyungwon was around me, a feeling that I loved and despised at the same time. But now, mostly a feeling that makes me want to throw up.
I groaned in absolute annoyance as I kept on tossing and turning in my bed, having the difficulty to fall asleep in peace. I kneaded my face up and down before uttering out curses for my failure at attempt to fall asleep before I glanced at my alarm clock to check what time it was and it was indeed in fact 2:30 in the morning. Just fan fucking tastic.
I couldn't comprehend why I couldn't fall asleep, especially since Wonho cheered me up from today's events. But what bothers me the most is why my mind keeps wondering off to what Hyungwon had expressed to me earlier today. He...he wanted to marry me? Not once during our entire relationship has he ever expressed the idea of getting married to me before so I thought the idea of it, especially it coming from him, was a bit suspicious and weird. But pathetically, somewhere deep inside of me, I only hoped what he said to me was the truth.
And yet, if he really wished, to marry me, he wouldn't have broke my heart like he did in the first place. Was it just a diversion that was created by him for me to drift off to the possibility of marriage with him so I would forget the unforgivable act that caused me so much grief? Or did he had some sincerity behind his words? Either way, I don't want to let myself fall for his possible trick. At this point, I don't want myself to dread over his cheating ass anymore. Even though I know that there will always be a small part of me that will always love him but not the way I used to, I want to be happy again, I want to be able to smile again with no fake ness to it and in order for that to happen, I knew I need to begone of Hyungwon and the memories I had with him.
The next thing I knew what was happening was me grabbing my phone before unlocking it and going to my contacts and scrolling down to Hyungwon's number. And the only sound I could hear at that moment was the intense thumping of my heart as I clicked on Hyungwon's number and going to the edit option to delete his number. A little part of me was hesitant to get rid of his number but the other part of me knew that this was for the best for me.
I closed my eyes as I took in a deep breath and letting it sit in my chest for a moment before letting out the breath as I reopened my eyes, feeling more sure of myself as I finally had the strength to hit the delete contact button. And the moment it was done, I suddenly felt like the weight of the world has be removed my shoulders and the feeling was replaced with relief and sudden sleepiness. Which, I honestly thought it was weird but at that moment I didn't care. All I cared about was finally getting some sleep that I desperately needed.
After taking care of that, the sleepiness I've been struggling with finally began to take over my body as I carelessly placed my phone back on my nightstand before my head gently hitting the softness of my pillows as my eyes could barely stay open. And after a few minutes of struggling to keep my eyes opened, I finally gave in the sweet sound of the gentle breeze outside of my apartment and the softness of my pillow and finally drifted off into a deep sleep that I've been longing since the beginning of this ordeal.
Maybe things could finally start to feel a bit more normal without having to deal with Hyungwon's problematic self and problematic text messages...