"Mr. Schuester I would like to join Glee club." Ethan asked after Spanish class. It was the next day and Ethan's life hadn't gotten any easier. When the news of Santana's 'side piece' spread Puck had made it his mission to make Ethan's life a living hell. So far he had been unsuccessful due to Ethan's clever planning but it was only a matter of time before he got caught.
"What changed?" Mr. Schuester asked, curious at the boy's change in disposition.
"I just realized that I may have judged Glee club too harshly. I want to give it a shot you know." Ethan lied. In truth he was asking to join so that it would get Santana off of him. If his reputation hit rock bottom everyone by association would also hit rock bottom.
"Great. I've already seen you sing so just come by after school in the choir room." Mr. Schuester said, patting him on the back and sending him on his way.
=====
'Is it too late to go back to making out with the hot cheerleader.' Ethan thought to himself as he finished performing Le Freak with his other Glee club members. After a round of introductions he integrated himself pretty well to the group and was caught up to speed on what they were doing.
"And, also, this song is terrible." Mercedes finished saying.
"No, no, no. It's not the song. You guys just need to get into it." Mr. Schuester explained.
"No, it's the song. It's really gay." Kurt chimed in, annoyed at the song choice.
"I don't want to sound mean but the person who said 'Disco Never Died' clearly lacks the ability to hear properly." Ethan said, adding his two cents in.
"We need modern music, Mr. Schue." Artie requested.
"I'm sorry, guys. We don't have time to discuss this. We're doing this song this Friday at the pep assembly." Mr. Schue replied to the entire club.
"During an assembly." Ethan said with his hands combing through his hair.
"In front of the whole school?" Tina asked incredulously.
"Exactly." Mr. Schue replied oblivious to their baffled looks.
"They're gonna throw food at us. And I just had a facial." Kurt said distraught.
"I'll press charges if that happens." Rachel joined in.
"Guys. I can't express to you how important this assembly is." Mr. Schue elaborated.
Finn stood quietly with a deer in headlights look while Rachel looked at him worried. Ethan stared off into the distance silently questioning his life choices while the rest of the club seemed uncomfortable with the idea of performing the song.
"We need recruits. There are seven of you. We need twelve to qualify for regionals. We have no choice or the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took nationals back in '93 with "Freak Out." It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me. From the top." Mr. Schue said.
"I'm dead." Finn said, finally saying something.
"You're not the only one." Ethan commented.
=====
The school day was over and Ethan made his way over to his locker to deposit his stuff for the day when a note fell out. He opened it and it read 'Meet me by the bleachers.' Ethan looked around and saw no one around him and pocketed the note.
'This is either Santana trying to have a rendezvous or a set up by Puck. Either way is a no no.'
With that in mind Ethan made his way out of the school and towards the bike racks when he saw none other than Santana waiting there for him. Ethan rubbed his eyes and sighed before making his way over.
"Well well well, if it isn't my entertaining little boy toy. Haven't seen you around lately, almost as if you were avoiding me." Santana said getting close to him.
"What do you want from me Santana?" Ethan asked as he was unlocking his bike.
"What makes you think I want something?" She asked.
"Women like you don't hang out around guys like me without wanting something." He explained.
"Women like me?"
"Hot, popular, flirty and most importantly dangerous." Ethan elaborated.
"I like you." Santana stated.
"Pull the other one."
"I think you and I would make a good couple."
"My popularity is about to take a dive and aren't you dating Puck."
"Sleeping with and dating are two very different things."
"Well then there's your answer." Ethan said, getting on his bike. At Santana's confused look Ethan clarified. "You said it yourself, Puck is just a fling. I'm not trying to be a fling."
"You know Puck's reputation. If he can stray why can't I?"
"That sounds like a relationship problem. One that I'm not trying to get involved in." Ethan said before giving her a wave and cycling away.
=====
Glee club was going well despite the shaky start with the disco. The club got to sing Gold Digger by Kanye and Ethan's life was less stressful with Santana backing up all of a sudden. Today though was a bit dry with Jacob out sick and Ethan having to cover for his friend. All he had to do next was fill in for him in the Celibacy Club.
The moment he walked through the doors to the boys side could not be any more tense when Puckerman looked at him like Christmas came early.
"I heard that you were messing with Santana." Puck said standing up and squaring up to Ethan. "Back off."
"I never messed," Ethan started, putting air quotes on the word messed, "with Santana. She came onto me, I don't want any part of whatever is going on between you two."
"You saying I'm not good enough!" Puck said, getting up on his face.
"In what part of my sentence did I say 'Noah Puckerman isn't good enough for Santana Lopez." Ethan replied, starting to get fed up with Puck's macho man act.
"Alright enough." Finn said, pulling Puck back and standing in between the two.
Puck shot one more look before sitting down as Ethan sat down next to Finn. Ethan sat bored looking at the clock in the classroom before asking. "What do we even do in Celibacy Club?"
"We're supposed to learn how to control our urges or the angels cry or something." Puck surprisingly answered.
"In this day and age? Where most ads feature half naked women and you can find naked women on the internet." Ethan said, finding the idea of controlling an urge by never finding an outlet for it stupid. "Because making a club where you encourage highly hormonal teenagers to surpress their highly raging hormones with their totally iron-like will totally has no chance of going wrong."
"What do you think about the Cheerios uniform?" A random guy in the room piped in.
"Surprised it hasn't broken any laws considering any sudden movement means you get an eyeful." Ethan replied.
"Santana bent over wearing hers once and I swear I could see her ovaries." Puck chimed in.
The once dry room slowly picked up with conversation and Ethan and Puck were slowly getting along, the talk of the opposite sex building mutual bonds of friendship.
"So, how far does Quinn let you get anyway?" A jock asked Finn. With this question Ethan got quiet and his mood turned sour. When Ethan first got into Glee club, Finn was the one who helped get him settled in the most which sucked because as much as he tried to he couldn't be mad at Finn for being with Quinn
"We grind, make out." Finn replied.
"Have you y'know?" Ethan asked Finn who looked confused. "Have you done the deed?"
"No we haven't. Quinn hasn't let me get that far yet." Finn said.
=====
"Let's pair up for the "Immaculate Affection." Now, remember. If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." Quinn stated while Ethan was internally screaming. He didn't realize Quinn was in the club since Jacob never mentioned it though in hindsight considering that the jocks were in the club he should've clocked on.
Quinn Fabray, queen bee of McKinley and the beauty which had captured Ethan's heart was right there and he struggled to keep himself together.
"I will be with Finn, the rest of you pair up." Quinn said while putting the balloon between her and Finn.
Ethan was going to go with Rachel seeing as they were both the odd ones out when Santana suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her. Puck fumed as he partnered with Rachel while Ethan was trying to signal to him that he didn't want any part of this.
"Santana I thought you agreed to stay away from me." Ethan said putting his arms on her shoulders.
"I agreed to nothing. You just assumed I was leaving you alone." Santana replied before lightly nipping his ear. Ethan burned bright red while Santana kept on getting reactions out of him. Ethan was about to call it quits when Santana got rid of the balloon in between them and kissed him. He tried to back up but he quickly encountered the window and he was trapped.
The rest of the group's attention was grabbed by the commotion surrounding Quinn and Finn's balloon popping. "Finn!" Quinn shouted in outrage.
"It must have hit my zipper." Finn said as an excuse, although it did seem a bit lame.
Rachel seemingly having enough spoke out "You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for."
"Don't you dare mention the "C" word." Quinn said a bit heatedly.
"You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do." Rachel said when a sound interrupted the tense moment.
Santana and Ethan were near the window in a heavy makeout session. Ethan's back was to the window and Santana had her legs wrapped around Ethan's torso and her arms around his neck while she was being lifted up by his arms. The two were stopped by the timely intervention of Quinn and Rachel who separated the lip lock while Finn held back Puck.
Ethan set Santana down before coming out of the haze of lust, realizing what had happened, and ran out. Santana looking satisfied with herself rubbed her lips a little with a smirk on her face.
=====
"I want to die."
"You're a legend."
"Doesn't change the fact I want to die."
Ethan was currently in a conversation with Jacob about what happened yesterday. They were on the topic of yesterday's Celibacy club meeting and Jacob was in the midst of hero worshipping Ethan.
"Why are you so upset? This is your one way ticket straight to the top of popular ville."
"I made out with Santana right in front of Quinn. She must think I'm some out of control sex fiend."
"Who cares about Quinn? You have Santana now and quite frankly between you and me she's the better option."
"I have also probably earned the eternal hatred of one Noah Puckerman."
"Even if you die now you'll be known as the guy who cucked Noah Puckerman, the 'bad boy' of McKinley." Jacob assured him.
Ethan sighed before fully addressing Jacob. "I'm not saying I don't feel anything for Santana but my heart is screaming for Quinn."
"But Quinn is currently dating someone and you've said yourself that she probably doesn't see you too kindly right now."
Ethan put his head on his locker. "I knew she was going to be trouble but I didn't think it would lead to this."
Jacob put his hand on his shoulder before replying. "The way I see it is this. You can continue moping about Quinn or you can move forward with Santana. Your choice."
=====
"What happened yesterday?" Kurt asked.
"You heard about Santana?" Ethan said.
"I'm pretty sure the whole state knows about you and Santana." Mercedes said sitting down with him as the Glee club sat with each other during lunch.
"How does it feel to be dating a cheerleader?" Artie asked.
"I don't even know if we're dating. So far all we've done is makeout."
"Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure making out is one of the hallmarks of being a couple." Kurt chimed in.
"Isn't communication also one of the hallmarks of a couple. Every time I try to go talk to Santana it's like she vanishes." Ethan said bitterly before calming himself down. "Can we not talk about this. I feel bad enough as is about the entire thing."
"What do you have to feel bad about? You're in a relationship with one of the top cheerleaders." Artie said confused.
"Because I um-" Ethan started before blushing and stopping himself. "Nevermind."
It took a couple seconds until anyone spoke when Mercedes caught on to what Ethan accidentally let slip. "Oh I get it. Romeo here has a crush on somebody else."
"I don't have a crush on someone else, I'm in-"
"In what?" Tina asked. The rest of the table had Cheshire-like grins at the opportunity of drama.
"Were you about to say love." Rachel said, leaning in interested in the conversation.
"Can we just drop it for now. Please?" Ethan asked as the rest of the group conceded and went back to normal conversation. Rachel however looked at Ethan for a second longer and had a look on her face which screamed trouble.
=====
"I can't do it." Finn said to the group while behind the curtain. "I'm too nervous."
"Finn, you have to. This is the only chance we have at recruiting people." Rachel told him with the rest of the group nodding in affirmation.
Finn still looked unsure and Ethan decided to step up, "I'll be male lead if you don't want to. I owe you for making sure Puck didn't bash my head in."
Finn smiled and looked to Rachel who reluctantly agreed and he looked significantly calmer.
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Ethan asked as they got ready behind the curtain.
"Positive." Rachel said, before turning towards Ethan.
At the end of their performance the entire school rose up clapping with the Glee club smiling in pride.
Rachel turned to the group before saying. "Told you it would work."
=====
Sue Sylvester was a woman of great pride and, even the most prudent naysayers will admit, a woman of great accomplishments. Her office was a lair consisting of the many trophies she's won over the years by leading the Cheerios cheerleading team. But today wasn't about her, currently she was in a discussion with three of her Cheerios concerning the uprising known as the Glee club.
"Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee Club?" Sue asked Quinn with her marble-esque face.
"I'm sorry, Coach Sylvester, but something is going on between Finn and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. Please don't kick us off the Cheerios." Quinn besseched with pretty convincing tears in her eyes.
Sue saw through the deception and snapped her fingers.. "Cease fire on the waterworks. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see it. You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester, though you don't have my bone structure. But it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are. You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within."
"If I may speak Ms. Sylvester?" Santana asked, seeing an opportunity to gain more power.
"You may." Sue told her.
"I'm currently in the process of seducing one of the Glee club members. If I can take them out while Quinn takes out Finn it will be guaranteed that the Glee club shuts down either from lack of morale or manpower." Santana told her.
"I like the way you think. That will be a long term plan just in case all else fails." Sue agreed to the plan.
Santana high fived Brittany. "I get to mess more with Jimmy Neutron."
"And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back." Quinn stated.
"I don't care so much about that." Sue commented.
=====
The next day of school went off without a hitch and Ethan thought he was clear for the day as he sat down in Glee club. All of his hopes were dashed when the Unholy Trinity walked in with Santana giving him a little wave as they sat down. Ethan held his head in his hands with one thought in his head.
'Why me.'