I woke up coated in sweat and a scratchy material on my face. The world seemed to fold in on itself as I tried to get oriented. The last time I was this disoriented was probably ten years ago at a college party. I tried focusing my eyes on the large brown shape in front of me. Once my vision finally settled, I realized I was in my bedroom and looking at my dresser. I also realized I was on the floor and the rough texture on my face was carpet. Some of the leftover anxiety from my nightmare started to subside, and I chuckled to myself as I got up. I half expected to see Penny asleep or at least laughing at me and my clumsy ass, but she wasn't there, and the bed was made. Even my side was made. I wondered if she'd decided to leave me on the floor. Was she mad at me?
Wait.
How did I get here? I sat down on the bed and tried to recall anything from last night. The last thing I could remember was my dream. My legs were tingly and my head pounded. I sighed, wondering if I got drunk and simply forgot. I figured a cup of coffee might wake me up enough to let my brain function as its supposed too. "You're a young gent," my mother always says. "You shouldn't have the forgetful brain you do." She always teases me for forgetting my wallet at home.
I heaved myself off the bed, still feeling rather groggy, reached for the bedroom door handle and watched as my hand faded through it. Rubbing the gunk from my eyes, I tried again, and just as before my hand glided through the doorhandle. It was as if I was trying grabbing water. I could almost feel its shape in my hand, but it seemed to seep through my hands. It was like something straight out of a horror movie. My insides turned to water. When I tried pushing the door open, my entire body slipped through and I was suddenly standing outside my bedroom. Hesitant, I looked back to see my bedroom door was in fact still closed. Panic overwhelmed me. I was disoriented. I turned around and bolted down the stairs into the living room. The time. That would tell me if I was dreaming still. You can't look at the time when you are dreaming. I jogged into the living room. There were blankets and a pillow on the couch. Penny must have slept on the couch last night. That explains why the bed was still made. I never made it to the bed, and she never slept in it.
I looked up at the clock on the mantle. 12:23 pm. I stared at it for a brief moment, trying to will the second hand to go backwards. Nothing. It ticked forward, like it would every other day. Everything felt real. I almost felt stupid for thinking that I was dreaming. I must have just opened the door. Maybe I'm dehydrated, and the lack of water is driving me to insanity.
"Penny?" My voice sounded strangled.It felt like I had to push the air of from the tips of my
toes and by the time it reached the tip of my tongue, it was nothing more than a huff of air.
"Penny!" I tried shouting, my anxiety rising.
I was about to go and do a walkthrough of the house to find her when I heard the sound of a car outside. I dashed from the kitchen, through the living room, to the front door. I reached for the handle and once again, watched as my fingers melted through it. I was about to try again when the door started to unlock. I stepped back as it opened. I didn't want to scare Penny when she came in, but I was likely going needing to go to the hospital. I either took a drug I didn't remember taking, or some sort of tumor was pressing on my brain and making me hallucinate. Either way, something was severely wrong with me.
The door opened slowly, and Penny and her mother were at the doorstep, but not entering. Janice held Penny tightly in her arms, as if to prevent her from falling. I stepped closer, expecting Janice to release Penny to me, when I realized she had been crying, a lot. Her eyes were swollen and pink, her nose was running.
"What happened?" I looked to Janice, as Penny tucked her head into her mothers arms and sobbed.
"I know, baby. I know. I'm so sorry." Her mother hugged her tighter, completely ignoring me. I felt annoyed, but I'd address that later. I was focused on Penny right now. They were both dressed in black. Penny was wearing her dress she bought in New York City. We went in 2018 to see Hello, Dolly! She hardly ever wore it, except on special occasions.
"Penny, baby. What happened?" I started to reach out when they both turned and started into the house. I tried to step out of the way, but before I could, Penny and her mother had walked...through me. Through what should have been my flesh and bones.
My entire body went numb. I tried to piece it all together. It was impossible. Eventually all thoughts left my mind and the only thing I could think was the word: dead. Again and again.
Before I let the thought consume me, I darted back through the house into the kitchen where Penny sat at the table. Janice was over at the counter pulling out a container of the leftover mac and cheese from last night. She uncovered it and set it in the microwave.
"It doesn't feel real, Mom. I fucking hate this. Every second of it," Penny buried her head in her arms on the table. "I just want him back."
"I know, sweetie. It really, doesn't." I could Janice's tears starting up.
"I really don't want to be here alone, Mom." The words alone hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm right here. " I think I'm going to call Mels and see if she'll come over."
Melanie was Pennys younger sister. She'd spent a lot of weekends with us. She was five years younger than Penny, and quite the spitfire. her company was always welcome.
"I'm sure she'd be okay with that. I know her and Jack were going to run to walmart for some stuff. If you want I can call her, now. Do you need anything from the store?" Janice pulled the mac and cheese from the microwave and set it in front of Penny.
"Maybe some benadryl. I have to try and get some sleep tonight." She sighed.
"That's a good idea. Eat a bit. That will help too. Im going to go call your sister." Janice kissed Penny on the head, and went out onto the porch shutting the sliding screen door behind her
I sat down on the bench in front of Penny. Her green eyes became so much brighter when she cried, as depressing as it was. I noticed she was wearing her promise ring I gave her after our first year of dating. Eight years ago.
"Penny." My voice was just as weak as before. "Can you hear me, baby?" She completely ignored me. "Baby, listen, I know this isn't the time, but somethings not right with me. I don't feel right. I swear I walked through the bedroom door earlier, and the door handle-" She paid no attention to me, and instead pulled a white card out of her pocket. The side facing me had the Lords Prayer. It was a funeral card. I got up from the table and walked around behind Penny to see who the face was on the card.
I saw my own eyes looking back at me. My name, Marcus Aidan Lowell, in heavy black ink. The dates August 24th, 1991-January 18th, 2021.
She rubbed her thumb over my face-...my picture.. and began to sob again.
I am dead. The words resonated in my head like bells in a church. Dead.
"Penny! For the love of fucking God! Answer me! Please!" I stumbled backward out of the kitchen and sat down on the floor in front of the front door. "What the fuck? What the actual fuck?" I yelled, but it came out as nothing more than a whisper. "Fuck me. What the fuck happened?"